eight

A Chapter by Laur

Now

Staring at my reflection was one of my favorite and least favorite things to do. Part of me loved who I was. From my perfectly straight chestnut hair, to my wonderfully genetically made chest. I always have my voluptuous Italian mother to thank for that. Part of me hated what I saw, because deep down I had this gut feeling, it was easier for him to leave because I wasn't good enough for him...needed to lose a few, wash my face more or maybe he actually never liked my body. When you were here I loved myself everyday. Now I find myself picking at my smallest flaws and ignoring all the good ones. It was the end summer now, and I was getting read to go out to a party that there was almost a 100% chance he was going to be there. I found my favorite blue and white striped cotton tank top and some ripped shorts. I straightened my hair just like he used to love. I even found that bra he bought me a few years back that I knew the lime straps would peek out of the back of my low cut shirt. Anything to make him remember what he lost..

My golden tan actually made me feel a lot better. Vacation helped me a ton, and I think I am finally ready to face him in a public situation where we aren't that power couple. We are just two people at the same party now. Part of that made my stomach drop.

I hopped into Alison's car with an overnight bag in one and my bottle of wine in the other. I was well prepared for whatever was about to come my way. Or so I thought.

*********

We pulled up and tried to find a spot in the never ending row of cars that winded down the quiet country street. I stepped out of the car and quickly spotted Dylan's. That stupid silver piece of junk that used to make me so happy, now noting but a reminder of all the steamy nights, stupid fights and goodnight kisses.

As we entered the house, the smell of cheap vodka and sweat filled my nose. The first person I bumped into was Greg; Dylan's best friend.

"LIL! I can't believe you showed?! Dyl thought you wouldn't" he held me tight against his rough torso and kissed my cheek.

"Wouldn't miss it Greg!" I faked the best smile I could. "I need a shot." the best and worst thing I could have said flowed out so smoothly.

"Hell yeah! Follow me!" He pulled me towards the table of half empty vodka and rum bottles. "Here!" He poured some sort of hard liquor into a shot glass that had b***s on it. Perfect. For once I really wanted to just black out before I could bump into him. I took it quick and accepted Greg's high five as I looked to find Ali. She was now nowhere to be seen. I headed down the basement stairs and had about ten mini high school reunions on the way down. I dropped my cup of mystery juice as some a*s bumped into me from behind. As i bent down to get it I spotted something familiar. There they were, the grey skate shoes I bought last summer for the boy who couldn't afford it at the time. I remember his face when I just stopped by one day to "bring him something". The shoes weren't the only gift given that day..

I lifted my head, trying my hardest to find a way to turn around; but it was too late.

"Lil?" His voice calm and sweet. Just like the old times.

I looked up. His cheeks were pink from whatever he was drinking and his eyes hopeful and kind. I chugged my drink as I walked up to him. On my way over I even swiftly snagged a beer off of a side table. I could already feel the tingling in my toes.

"Hey" I smiled while hoping for Ali to come and scoop me. Too bad I lost her on the way in.

"I didn't know if you were coming. How was the beach?" he sipped from his mangy solo cup.

"Fine, as fun as always, you remember." Oh Lil, foot in mouth.

"Yeah it always was fun." He smirked.

"Well, I'll see you around, I have to find Ali." I spun without a response and headed upstairs.

Not even minutes later I was up in some empty bedroom. I slammed the door and backed up on it. Breathing heavily I downed the beer I had. It was warm, but necessary. My eyes were getting heavy but my mood was changing too quick. Then there was a loud knock. I turned and opened the door. There stood a tall, man. He had to be about 25. His almost black hair stuck to his hot forehead a little and his green eyes seemed to be looking through me.

"Hey you okay?" His voice was deeper than I had imagined.

"Yeah just needed a second." I held onto the door to stay up.

"Same actually, wanna go get some air?" He held out a hand.

"Sure." I took it and held on tight. He was my only chance of actually getting down these stairs.

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