ever hopeful

Ever Hopeful 

and there was a time

where i woke with assurance

and there was a time

when sad thoughts were but a phase

there was a time 

where happiness never left my side

but now the skies are darker

and all the daisies have died

there was a time

when the rain falling meant something

when the smell of pine stung me with joy

your realistic statements that made me crazy

that turned your young soul from a boy

now its nothing but a heavy burden

and a memory to burn me

there was a time

when all was good

my life was just right

now the skies are darker

and all the daisies have died

so the curtains have closed

and the smiles grew smaller

i look through the past

and cant feel you any longer

love isn't something precious

all it does is leave you blind

with nothing but an empty heart

and a cluster f**k mind

so burn as you go down my chest

its all i have left to make me remember

the memories i want to stay

ever since that frigid december

why hold on to things that bruise you?

things that scar your new self?

because inside you are bleeding

and these memories serve as a small cork

to your ever hopeful heart

that remained broken since that night

doesn't matter if you want to move forward

you aren't going to win this one man fight 

Reviews

[Lucien Maier]

excellent cadence and flow until
and a cluster f**k mind.. Now dont get me wrong I love swearing in my writing. but I sometimes try to throw it in where it does not work. you can convey the anger of the line without breaking the flow of the piece. other than that I like it. pretty rare no days that a love poem pulls me all the way through. nicely done

[Laur]

thank you so much for reading, its funny because i wasn't going to add that line and in the moment it felt necessary..

[Lucien Maier]

I think you could change it to flow better and keep the same feeling but its just my humble opinion.

[Wórdsmíth]

To be honest, this write looked like a song. And the combination of both below phrases worked as a "Hook" ..

The first one is ..

there was a time
where happiness never left my side
but now the skies are darker
and all the daisies have died
..
And the rest one is ..

there was a time
when all was good
my life was just right
now the skies are darker
and all the daisies have died

Wonderful write. I just enjoyed reading your words but sadly also find some emotions of your heart in the depth of all the phrases ... but you`ve well expressed the drops of your emotions in words. Well pen`d!

[Laur]

i actually sing as well, so perhaps you have inspired me :)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I liked the variety of feelings in this poem, it`s touching and full of memories, sadness and realizing the truth...There are many elements in composition, which sound like classical poem, but also from another modern view. A puzzled picture of beautiful moments of love, which are gone - from past to now and future,we can sense the deep scars this love left. Always the broken heart is hard to recover..but with time...Great poem, Laur!

{nia}

[Laur]

This poem was written with a range of different emotions. My poems help me let go and sometimes remind me of things I don't want to think of. Although, true feelings make a great poem. Thank you for your kind thoughts! I'm glad you enjoy!

[Justin]

that is awesome!!! well done!!!

[Laur]

thank you!!

[Justin]

your welcome, u are a great writer!!!

[Devesh]

I'm sorry for whatever you had to go through...this poem was clearly written under emotional influence..."cluster f***k mind". Ha! Nice one :P
On a more serious note, I thought this was pretty nicely . I loved that you used repitition with these lines:

"but now the skies are darker
and all the daisies have died"

They paint a rather gloolmy picture and enhance the feelings behind those words. All in all, wonderful work! :)

[Laur]

It was indeed written under an emotional influence. That when i get my best poems. Thank you so much for reading!

[Devesh]

All of us do. :) You're welcome!

[Rob Santana]

Cluster f**k mind, hahaha nice. Very deep and raw piece. Good job.

[Laur]

thanks! i liked that part too :)

[Meraki]

This flowed wonderfully, such a sad love poem you can feel the heartbreak in the words, excellent job.

[Laur]

thank you very much :)

[Faceless Poet]

there will always be a time for us
to be hopeful of another new day

the flight of the bleeding pen
its open to any burden
wishing to fade away

mist and gray mode
lives within the walls of falsehood
compassionate love
is needed for a fresh blood
newer beggings await
in our downfall...

- faceless being...

[Everett DeValle]

Beautifully stated...I felt this pain...and its true just because one side wants to move forward, which is the right move...it doesn't mean everything will Ever be okay. Separation is needed for healing. Nice.

[Laur]

thank you so much! im glad you enjoyed it

[Everett DeValle]

You are very welcome. :)

[John Ryan]

i suggest that you stick to the set meter and rhyme only because it seems that you started the poem that way. each stanza for the most part has three lines and a set rhyme,

that being said, i like this poem. i like the use of light and imagery throughout.
i like the story and the transition from the happy start to the dark and broody ending.

Keep on writing and developing your voice and style. You clearly have great potential

[Laur]

Thank you very much :) I've never been a fan of poems that are all one set form but I should try.