Nearly Sadistic

After 19 years I dig a late grave for internalized fears; still creeping through my daze.

Such conceptuous fears, from an unforgiving craze.

They condemn us to tears, from dreams to disdainful days.

This existential crisis steers me to this heartlessly piercing phrase:

Your ice-cold heart fills mine with love just to tare apart

my frivilous craving for connection,

forever remaining a symbolic expression of my starved desire.

This phrase; a match to our mutually shameful fire.

Such a simple complication to a failing perspective:

Is this phrase just masturbation of the self-deceptive

vendetta buried by an ego just too morally pure for a furied reasction,

attentive only to assumed intention?

My practiced freedom to the suspension of all rational understanding.

 

What a damaging interpersonal cycle,

I recycle my past to create new wounds that last

until I surrender an innate need for emotional violence.