Too much of an introvert

Introversion to the extreme

 Mr. Aaron Is Only Passing Through

 

My mind keeps playing tricks on me, a force that disturbs my thinking. It tells me I'm a bad person, gives me reasons to hate myself, and yet it hinders my reaching out for help. I know I'm good, I know I'm kind, but how do I free myself from the prison of my own mind?

God please listen when I pray to you, please help me stop doing the things that make me stray from you. Once I thought I was chosen to die, simply for the mistakes of my own schizoid mind. Now I recognize I'm not the compulsions of my obsessive psychosis, nor does the absence of the voices in my head fail to adequately define me, nor deny me blessings, yet a part of me wishes they would return.

I feel lonely without the brain noise, and paradoxically relieved at the same time. "Stop trying to prove I am who I claim to be", says Mr. Aaron in my head. Don't try to act as if the Aaron of the past is dead. I once thought I had some great secret, in a mansion of doors trying to obscure the one door protecting it. Not ready to give up, not ready to give in, yet in my mind I'm shackled by perceived sin. Indeed, Aaron of 2001 with a psychotic break, we are not the same, and yet we shall always bear the same name. For though I've changed in 17 years, Aaron of 2018 has arrived, however he will only pass through here.