The Dragon

Tragedy is a matter of proportions. What some see as minor, others can't recover from.

There was a Kingdom, set in a stone, a land of craftsman, who'd their abilities hone. A land that flourished, mighty and great, yet some would say it was mistreated by fate.  A lovely Queen, tall and proud, she had a heck a of a bosom, but don't be loud.

Their land was vast and generous, littered with peasants. They worked all day, some even found it pleasant. Their warriors were noble, famous and true. Their weapons were their bodies, brown in their hue. 

Yet there was a calamity, disastrous to most. It was too great, even for their mighty host. Green scales, impregnable and shiny, they made the biggest of berserkers look so darn tiny. The worst part of all, was that 

it could fly, through the skies it would soar, from their defenders it did not shy.

The Kingdom was vast, beautiful and opulent. On that particular day, the Queen and her lover were just about to consummate.  The Alarms were sound, the beast was unleashed. The Generals rose, their legs shaky, and their hearts breezed.

Not a breath of fire, but the suffocation of the lungs, For the dragon spew water, ending the elderly, woman and young. The males who were strong, and could hold out last, went for the offensive, for one last burst.

It did them no good, and they were removed at last indeed, the Dragon had come, it had come to feed.

The queen died last, this is not the happiest of prose.

And the Dragon..? Well, it was just a little kid spraying with a Hose. 

Reviews

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

This is VERY clever. Personally I would lay it out in a different style, more along the lines of verses, to suit the poetry in the text. it helps the reader to follow the flow and helps to set breathing spaces. This could easily be made into a book for children (with just a few tiny alterations, mainly the choice of word 'bosom'.)
Overall.. Brilliant

[LastMonth]

Oh come on! Kids know what a bosom is! Heck, they could probably teach me and you some new words. :)

Anyhow friend, thanks for the gracious review.
This is a conflict of mine, do I put it in verses or not?
I define this as a story, rather then a poem. I just let it ryhme. But I will take your flow comment to heart and consideration!

Thank you for the review friend.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Ha ha ha ha ha yes you are probably right. Some parents can be a bit funny though.

[Hannah Grace]

Great story. I couldn't help but laugh at the ending. Thank you for sharing!
~Hannah Grace

[Elmarie]

Hi I don't know if anyone has pointed out the odd typo.
Am I the only one seeing it? ( I copied and pasted - it shows there are lines missing from the story above.)

Check your story and see whats going on. It might be your word possessor you are using.
porportions - proportions
(Bits missing) even Their land was vast ........... (Capital E - Even starting a sentence with a Cap)
painted in a musky .brown hue (Misplaced full stop)

Your story has potential and I felt it still needs work. Some sentences were too long and had too much to say. They could be made shorter and have more of a punch. Also writing the story in Rhyme might produce a much better poem. The story itself has a great feel. I will read some more of your writing..

Blessings El

[LastMonth]

Thank you very much for the review.
It's actually been very helpful!
I've written this as a Word Document and copy pasted it onto the site. Some of the mistakes are due to english not being my native language, and some are just odd-copy-paste funks.

I'll fix what you've pointed out, thank you for bringing it to my attention!

[Elmarie]

My pleasure. I see it looks much better. I'm in a bit of a rush right now but will stop back later to read it again. Blessings El

[Bobinclear]

Great , I enjoy your luxuriate writing. May the stars watch over you Last Month.

[LastMonth]

Thanks for the review friend.

[ZJC]

Great story, had me laughing at the very end of it. Also, the ability to rhyme and still create a descriptive background is truly a unique talent that you possess. Looking forward to more writings of yours

[LastMonth]

Thanks mate! I appreciate your review, I'll return the favor.
Your book has been a blast so far, I recommend it for anyone seeing this review,
''The Undead Plague'' by ZJC

[ZJC]

Thank you, appreciate the kind words. Very thankful for you taking the time to read the work

[The Lazy Layman]

Ha-ha! It reminds you how small or large we can be as organisms depending on which scale we're looking at. This is very interesting, humourous, and anxiety provoking.

[LastMonth]

Thank you for the review!
Yeah, scale is all a matter of porportions. What to us seem insignificant can mean the world to others!

[Woody]

oooo taht ending! never saw that coming. now you're talking my language :)
a really good one LM. haha great imagination, my friend. and always in your unique rhymed style.
well done LM.

[LastMonth]

Thanks a bunch!
Glad you liked it, I've had this in my mind for the whole day. How awful of a person am I to think to myself ''Meh, Just do it at work.''

[Woody]

haha if you do that at work then that's fine.

[MelissaAndres]

You did really good here! I loved the rhyme weaved into your storytelling. Not many people can pull that off and pull it off well! I thought your ending was so cute! You are a very good writer! Keep up the good work!

[LastMonth]

Thank you very much for the kind review Melissa!
Glad you liked it!

[MelissaAndres]

You are welcome. And I did, very much! :)