The Dragon

Tragedy is a matter of proportions. What some see as minor, others can't recover from.

There was a Kingdom, set in a stone, a land of craftsman, who'd their abilities hone. A land that flourished, mighty and great, yet some would say it was mistreated by fate.  A lovely Queen, tall and proud, she had a heck a of a bosom, but don't be loud.

Their land was vast and generous, littered with peasants. They worked all day, some even found it pleasant. Their warriors were noble, famous and true. Their weapons were their bodies, brown in their hue. 

Yet there was a calamity, disastrous to most. It was too great, even for their mighty host. Green scales, impregnable and shiny, they made the biggest of berserkers look so darn tiny. The worst part of all, was that 

it could fly, through the skies it would soar, from their defenders it did not shy.

The Kingdom was vast, beautiful and opulent. On that particular day, the Queen and her lover were just about to consummate.  The Alarms were sound, the beast was unleashed. The Generals rose, their legs shaky, and their hearts breezed.

Not a breath of fire, but the suffocation of the lungs, For the dragon spew water, ending the elderly, woman and young. The males who were strong, and could hold out last, went for the offensive, for one last burst.

It did them no good, and they were removed at last indeed, the Dragon had come, it had come to feed.

The queen died last, this is not the happiest of prose.

And the Dragon..? Well, it was just a little kid spraying with a Hose. 

Reviews

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

This is VERY clever. Personally I would lay it out in a different style, more along the lines of verses, to suit the poetry in the text. it helps the reader to follow the flow and helps to set breathing spaces. This could easily be made into a book for children (with just a few tiny alterations, mainly the choice of word 'bosom'.)
Overall.. Brilliant

[LastMonth]

Oh come on! Kids know what a bosom is! Heck, they could probably teach me and you some new words. :)

Anyhow friend, thanks for the gracious review.
This is a conflict of mine, do I put it in verses or not?
I define this as a story, rather then a poem. I just let it ryhme. But I will take your flow comment to heart and consideration!

Thank you for the review friend.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Ha ha ha ha ha yes you are probably right. Some parents can be a bit funny though.

[Hyacinth]

Love the twist at the end! And the first line just imedietly sucks you in! I'm off now to read some of your other works if they are any I haven't read.

[LastMonth]

Thanks a bunch!

[An owl on the moon]

I love the glimpses that arise through your rhythm and rhyme flowing with this brilliant, dark humor. Everything in the senses is awakened and pulled deeper into the story, unfolding with a message of epic style. Yes, size does matter, and the relative size gives your thoughts here even more power.

[LastMonth]

Hahaha, Thanks for the review my friend.
I'm glad that you liked it, I like the messege that you drew from this. I do believe that everything in life is a mater of proportions. What looks staggering and impossible to some, is a day in a life to others.

[An owl on the moon]

It would be pure magic if we could all learn to put our giants in perspective. Keep us on edge, my friend. I'll be back soon. Midnight has found me again.

[barleygirl]

Very imaginative & also with a thought-provoking underlying message. The best part for me is that at times you use lofty poetic line crafting, but then you lapse into everyday lingo which serves to emphasize that part of the message for me. Example: "made the biggest of berserkers look so darn tiny" . . . I'm not a fan of ants, so my sympathies are not roused, but I'm sure some gung-ho creature lovers would get a few extra heart beats after reading this one! *smile*

[LastMonth]

I can't say I'm a fan of ants either.
At any rate the Poem is meant to be more humorus then emotional-- But it can be both! Depending on what side of the spectrum you come from.
Anyhow, thanks for the wonderful review Barley!

[Shannon]

Your twist was most definitely fun! You have a unique writing style for sure! I love this take on the world, a whole new perspective...

[LastMonth]

Hahahaha.. I'm glad you like it.
Thank you kindly for the review!

[Centipedle]

I will never think of ants the same way again xD This reminds me of ant bully a bit, though ants can be a bit of trouble at times. I enjoyed this, can't wait to see more works from you. Pen on!

[LastMonth]

Oh yeah! I actually had 'Bug Life' in mind when I wrote it.
Have you seen it? It's wonderful.

[Centipedle]

Much better than Ant bully, one of my other favorites was Antz ^^

[AliciaB]

WAIT A MINUTE... is this poem about ANTS??? Oh my gosh!... That is hilarious! I mean, it is very sad for the ants, but I was totally not expecting that! Especially with the really epic picture of the dragon at the top of the page.... I love this! I am literally cracking up with laughter right now. You executed that extremely well. I'm going back and picking up on all the little hints throughout... the fact that the kingdom was "set in stone" and that the queen "had a heck of a bosom", bodies that were "brown in hue", "Green scales, impregnable and shiny", etc. You totally fooled me on this, and I love it. Excellently written and enjoyable piece. Wonderful job!

[LastMonth]

Dear god, I want to break the screen and move over so I can hug you.
This is probably the reaction (That first line of your review) That a writer dreams about.
Yes it is about ants. :)
Thank you for making my day Alicia.

[AliciaB]

Haha you are welcome! Glad I could! :)

[Gaia Octavia]

Ahhhhhh nice twist right there at the end. Poor ants always seem to be the victims of little boys ☺ I like how you phrased things in such a way that it didn't give the twist away until the very last line (the water was the only thing that didn't seem to fit but the reader thinks if there are dragons, why not water spewing dragons). Nicely done. I see you cleaned up the formatting and typos and such as well. Well done.

[LastMonth]

Thanks for the review Gaia.
Glad that you liked it,

Yeah. It was somewhat of a challange to not make it look like I pulled it out of nowhere, yet still not give it away. Thanks again friend.

[Matching Socks]

That was a very charming twist, I love your imagination!
You would do well writing adventures for kids and youth.

[LastMonth]

Thanks for the review!
Regardless of where life takes me, I'll tell stories to children.
read moreThanks for the review!
Regardless of where life takes me, I'll tell stories to children.
Even if it will be just my own, or many others through books.

[Matching Socks]

Great, when you're famous I'll tell people I knew you when you were nobody!

[LastMonth]

Pshhh!
I'm not a nobody right now!
I mean.. Yeah.. Nobody knows me.. but..

read morePshhh!
I'm not a nobody right now!
I mean.. Yeah.. Nobody knows me.. but..

...Yeah.

[Matching Socks]

Lol. Ok, bad choice of words! Definitely a somebody that no one knows!

[Lyn Anderson]

I like this. I would actually classify it as a prose poem, since it has a rhyme story book feel, and it is short enough to be classed as such. I am glad I picked this as my first of yours.

[LastMonth]

Ah! Thanks for the review mate.
One of my newest stories,
Glad that you liked it.
read moreAh! Thanks for the review mate.
One of my newest stories,
Glad that you liked it.
But that pretty much sums my style, Rhymed Prose.