The Red, The Blue, and The FUgly Episode 11: The First Clue, The First Secret

The Red, the Blue, and the FUgly

Written by: William Edward Self Jr.

Makers: William Edward Self Jr. & Alexander Paul LeBlanc

Red = Red Team

Blue = Blue Team

Gray = Unimportant Characters

Black = Important people.

{Name}= Computer

Training:

Episode 11: The First Clue, the First Secret

[Unknown Area]

Scorm: How much farther Gus?

Gus: Not much longer. Just over those hills.

Connors: To be honest with you I don’t think that we are doing to well out here in this desert. Plus this looks very familiar to me.

Gus: Well this is where Revenger and Avenger negotiated with the Covenant. This is where they decided that the human race deserved to die.

Scorm: I still can’t believe it.

Gus: Would I lie to you?

Scorm: After being in that cage for so long? There’s no telling what you would do to me.

Connors: I sense a little anger between the two of you.

Scorm: He spoke of treason every time that Avenger and his stupid friend Revenger came in the room. He forced me to put him in prison.

All: [Stops Walking] [Looks At Eachother]

Gus: [Starts Walking]

Connors: What exactly did he do to you?

Scorm: He threatened to kill me. [Starts Walking]

Connors: I can see the anger. [Starts Walking]

[Outskirts]

T**d: Don’t move a step.

Avenger: How long have you been planning this?

T**d: Long enough that it actually worked.

Revenger: Is no one going to even ask if I’m ok?

Avenger: Guess I should have seen this coming.

Revenger: Yeah I’m ok. Thanks for asking

T**d: Well you didn’t know did you? Anyway don’t move or I will shoot you to death.

Avenger: Let me see, I have two choices, toward the barrel of your gun or the poop shoot. I don’t think that I’m going anywhere.

Revenger: Oh my God! This is a poop shoot?

T**d: Well then we see eye to eye don’t we?

Avenger: Well not really eye to eye.

T**d: Oh really and why is that?

Avenger: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Revenger: I want to know why I’m falling down this hole!

T**d: What do you know?

[Missile Base]

Reginald: You my good sir, they have been gone quite a long time. Do you think that they are coming back?

Bill: Well to be honest with you I don’t know.

Bucket: They’ve been gone for like an hour.

Reginald: Well an hour is a long time to we British people.

Bucket: Well no one asked you.

Reginald: He has a point you know Bill?

Bill: He was talking to you.

Reginald: Was not! He was talking to you.

Bill: Nay, he wasn’t! He was talking to you?

Bucket: I certainly hope things end quick.

Nut: Why is that?

Reginald: [Runs After Bill] I’ll teach you to disagree with me!

[Large Explosion]

Bucket: No reason.

Reginald: No one disagrees with me.

Franky: [Walks Up] You guys ever wonder why there’s an explosion after Reginald catches Bill?

Nut: There was an explosion?

Franky: Yes! You didn’t hear?

Bucket: Thought it was like an earthquake or something.

Nut: Yeah never paid much attention to it.

Franky: Wow!

[Temple]

T**d: Tell me now! What do you know?

Avenger: I know a lot of things.

Revenger: I want to know why I’m still falling!

T**d: If you know a lot then you must know what I want to know.

Avenger: It’s possible, but what do you want to know?

T**d: Well I want to know what you know.

Revenger: is this really a poop shoot!?

Avenger: That all depends on the subject. What part of what I know do you want to know?

T**d: How bout I shoot you to death? Then you can tell me what I want to know.

Avenger: Uh…?

Revenger: Oh come on! Even I know that’s not possible!

T**d: Will you shut up!

Revenger: Well I mean think about what you just said!

T**d: And what’s wrong with what I said?

Revenger: You can’t shoot him to death and have him tell you what you want to know!

T**d: Why not!?

Avenger: [Under Breath] Shut up Revenger.

Revenger: Because if you shoot him to death he might forget what he was going to tell you.

Avenger: [Sighs]

T**d: Well then your friend saved you.

Avenger: Go figure on that one.

T**d: I know. And I thought he was more stupid than that.

Avenger: Who hasn’t?

Revenger: I heard that!

T**d: How!? You are falling at the speed of sound and plus you’re thousands of feet below the ground!

Revenger: Hey! Are you arguing with the script!?

T**d: What?

Avenger: He has a point.

T**d: Huh?

Avenger: You might make the narrator mad.

T**d: Oh yeah and what can he do? Drop a rock out of the sky?

[Piece of the Ceiling Falls On T**d]

Avenger: Uh…yes.

Revenger: Holy s**t! God kicks a*s!

Avenger: It wasn’t God Revenger!

Revenger: Then who the hell was it?

Avenger: The narrator!

Revenger: Who the hell is that?

Avenger: William Edward Self Jr.!

Revenger: What a dumbass!

Avenger: Why is that!?

Revenger: That a*****e made me fall in this damn hole!

Avenger: [Speaks To Self] Can’t say that was a bad idea.

Shamus: Well it wasn’t the narrator either!

Avenger: Shamus! What are you doing up there?

Shamus: Butcher wanted to crush something!

Butcher: Ha! I feel so much better!

Chain: What’s going on in there?

Avenger: You dropped that rock on T**d!

Shamus: I told you you should have hit the other one.

Avenger: No it’s ok! He was going to kill us!

Shamus: Good job Butcher. I knew hitting that one was a good idea.

Black Sheep: I didn’t know it.

Avenger: Come down here! We need to go down this hole!

Butcher: That’s what she said. Then next thing I know she was talking about the toilet.

Chain: I don’t want to know what you are talking about.

[Shot Fired]

Black Sheep: AH! [Falls Down]

Shamus: Black Sheep!

Avenger: [Runs Up To Black Sheep] [Looks At Black Sheep] [Looks Up] He’s dead.

Chain & Butcher: [Jumps In]

Shamus: How dare you! [Starts Shooting]

Gus: I have to take him out too.

Scorm: Then do it.

Gus: [Fires Second Shot]

Shamus: Ah! [Falls Down]

Revenger: Damn they got good aim!

Avenger: He’s not dead!

Revenger: Well then they suck at aiming!

Chain: Where is he at exactly?

Revenger: Don’t answer that!

Butcher: Sounds like he’s in the crapper.

Revenger: AM NOT! Plus it’s not a crapper!

Butcher: Could have fooled me.

Revenger: That wouldn’t take much now would it!?

Butcher: How dare you! You wait til I get down there!

Revenger: What are you going to do big guy? You’re up there and I’m down here.

Butcher: [Grits Teeth] Oh I swear I’m going to kill him.

Shamus: [Gets Up] Why the hell did they do that?

Avenger: I don’t know. Everybody get ready to fire.

Everybody: [Raises Weapons Toward Doorway]

Revenger: Let me at them! I’ll shoot all their balls off!

Butcher: I find that a little painful.

Avenger: Steady. Here they come.

Scorm, Connors, & Gus: [Walk Through Doorway]

Avenger: [Surprised] Father!

Revenger: What!? How’s it going daddio?!

Scorm: Where the hell is Revenger?

Sheame: The same place you are going human. To hell!

Scorm, Connors, & Gus: [Turns Around]

All: [Raises weapons]

Avenger: Hold fire!

Revenger: Well I’m holding but it ain’t my fire. Don’t ask what that meant.

Scorm: Get back Avenger.

Avenger: No father. I know the Covenant.

Sheame: You do not know us human.

Avenger: Yes I do. I spoke with your kind in the desert.

Sheame: So you are the one that spoke and brainwashed Roc Tahn?

Avenger: Brainwashed?

Gus: Yes well if we are all done here, we have some business to attend to.

Tycoon: Yes. We have to destroy you all.

T**d: No one try to run or we will shoot you.

All: [Looks At T**d]

Gus: You are all surrounded. No one try to go anywhere aside down the hole.

Butcher: Boy that just brings back bad memories.

Tycoon: That is disgusting.

Sheame: The Covenant do not give up! Open fire!

Elites: [Open Fire]

Droids: [Run Through Doorway] [Starts Shooting]

Sheame: Go for the door!

All: [Shoots Droids]

Elites: [Runs Out of Temple]

Tycoon: You six stay where you are.

Revenger: No offense but there isn’t anywhere that I can go but down!

T**d: Good God man! Will you die already!

Gus: All of you down the hole! We’re going to take the fast way. Activate the turbo boosters.

T**d: Done.

All: [Jumps Down Hole]

Revenger: DUDE! That’s fast!

[Everyone Boosts]

[Second Missile Base]

Beernut: General Grumpy.

Grumpy: WHAT!?

Beernut: Sir you got a transmission.

Grumpy: Ah! Play it!

Unknown Voice: Prepare for the assault.

Grumpy: Are you falling?

Unknown: Why is that you always ask stupid questions?

Grumpy: Stupid!? Well it sounds like the wind is blowing hard.

Unknown: Get your men ready.

[Transmission Ends]

Grumpy: I really hate that man.

Beernut: Should I ready the men?

Grumpy: No. We are not going to come crawling every time he calls. Plus I’m tired of working for him aren’t you?

Beernut: Well sir actually…

Grumpy: Aren’t you!?

Beernut: yes sir I am.

Grumpy: Get out of here!

Beernut: Yes sir. [Runs Out]

Grumpy: Not going to crawl for him.

[Under Temple]

All: [Lands on the Floor]

Avenger: What’s the place?

Revenger: I’d make a wild guess that it is some kind of base that builds droids.

T**d: What! How did you know that?

Revenger: Like I said it’s just a wild guess.

Tycoon: Let’s go.

Avenger: What are those big balls?

Revenger: [Snickers]

Avenger: Perv!

Gus: Those worker droids take vehicles from all races and drop them in the balls, which destroy the vehicle and are turned into parts to make a new droid.

Scorm: So you are building a droid army underground.

Tycoon: Correct. Not much longer now though. We will rule the whole planet.

Connors: Sounds corny to me.

T**d: Yeah well it isn’t. Here we will make an army that will destroy everything.

Revenger: Question?

T**d: What!?

Revenger: Well it’s just that I wanted to know. Didn’t you already say that?

T**d: Say what?

Revenger: That this will be where you make an army that will destroy us all.

T**d: NO we said something similar to that.

Revenger: Sure sounded like it.

T**d: Will you shut up?

Revenger: I could.

Scorm: Why don’t you just kill him now and get it over with?

Gus: Because the master says we must wait to kill the captured.

Connors: Captured? We aren’t captured are we? I mean you are going to let us go right?

Tycoon: Let you go? No we can’t do that. Not before all the fun starts.

Shamus: What fun is that?

Gus: We have to blow up the world of course. Plus we need more of these Kill Balls. With more of these we will destroy anything in their path. Leaving nothing but us and our master who will rebuild the universe in his image.

Chain: So you have some ruler out there pretending to be God. Great where have I heard that before?

Revenger: I don’t know, where?

Chain: No really I don’t know either I was wondering if any of you knew.

T**d: Enough talking! Black Sheep! Ben! Will you take these men away

Everyone Else: [Surprised]

Avenger: What the!? We saw you die!

Shamus: What’s going on?

Black Sheep: You didn’t happen to think that I didn’t bleed?

Revenger: Well that might not make a difference!

All: [Looks At Revenger]

Revenger: You see there was one time I watched this movie where this guy got shot and he didn’t bleed. Later everyone found out that he was a robot.

Avenger: That’s the point you idiot! He is a droid!

Revenger: Ok well explain the Terminator.

Avenger: It was a set of movies that started in the 1980s! It’s not real!

Revenger: Well it could be.

Gus: Take them to the cells. I think that I have a better idea. They can do some work around here.

Tycoon: Yes but for now go put them in the box.

Black Sheep: Got it. Let’s go.

Shamus: Traitor.

Black Sheep: You aren’t as loyal as you think. General.

All: [Walks Away]

[Missile Base]

Nut: You know this is getting very boring.

Bucket: S**t man I know exactly what you mean.

Nut: You do?

Bucket: Hell nah! I was just agreeing with you.

Reginald: How are you two chaps?

Nut: F**k off.

Reginald: I hate that word.

Bucket: What word?

Reginald: That word. That nasty word.

Nut: Puke?

Reginald: No! The other one.

Bucket: Throw up?

Reginald: No! The other word!

Nut: Vomit?

Reginald: Nothing to do with bodily functions!

Nut: Oh I think he means f**k!

Reginald: Yes that word!

Bucket: Hey man f**k ain’t that bad of a word.

Reginald: Yes it is! Stop saying it.

Bucket: Hey nut hook Reggy up with that Adam Sandler song.

Reginald: Don’t call me Reggy.

Nut: No worry Reggy. It’ll take a minute to download into your helmet.

Reginald: No wait!

Nut: There! It’s done. You enjoy that.

Reginald: NOOOOOOO!

[Covenant Ship]

Elite: Sir, you have a transmission from the leader of those droids.

Sheame: Put him on!

Unknown Soldier: Glad you could take my call.

Sheame: What are you planning droid?

Unknown Soldier: You will soon know. Once our war ends down here we will take to the skies and end you.

Sheame: You will die droid!

Unknown Soldier: You are highly wrong.

Sheame: All will know that I Sheame has killed the ruling droid.

Unknown Soldier: Who said that I was a droid?

Sheame: What?

Unknown Soldier: There is no hiding from me creature. I will wipe you all off the face of the universe.

[END] �" 2009