The Red, The Blue, and The FUgly Episode 8: The Great Investigation Part 1

The Red, the Blue, and the FUgly

Written by: William Edward Self Jr.

Makers: William Edward Self Jr. & Alexander Paul LeBlanc

Red = Red Team

Blue = Blue Team

Gray = Unimportant Characters

Black = Important people.

{Name}= Computer

Training:

Episode 8: The Great Investigation Part 1

　

[Paradise Falls]

[All Team Members Stand Facing Eachother With Drawn Weapons]

Nut: This is f****n stupid!

Bucket: No f****n joke.

Reginald: Must you use that filthy word in every sentence you say?

Nut: What f****n filthy word?

Reginald: That filthy word.

Bucket: What? “F****n”?

Reginald: Yes that word.

Nut: We’ll f****n talk how we f****n want to.

Reginald: Then you may not live too long around here.

Nut: Oh yeah! [Points Gun At Reginald]

Bucket & Bill: [Points Gun At Eachother]

Shamus: Great we’ve been standing here for thirty seconds and they’ve already started being black sheep.

Chain: Not much difference between your kind and theirs is there?

Black Sheep: And what is that suppose to mean!?

Butcher: You guys are dumb morons!

Shamus: Well I could shoot your mouth off your face if you’d like.

Butcher: Come on little man!

Black Sheep: [Points Gun At Butcher]

Chain: [Points Gun At Black Sheep]

Avenger: Wow this is going to be harder than I thought it would.

Revenger: This wasn’t my idea!

Avenger: No one said it was! People can we calm down a little?

Chain: [Turns To Avenger] Why don’t you stay out of this.

Butcher: Yeah we have to crush some people. So mind your own business before I crush your little kind.

Revenger: Yeah you and what army?!

All: [Looks Around]

Revenger: [Moves Out From Behind of Tree] Are they gone yet?

Butcher: [Steps in View]

Revenger: S**t! [Runs Behind Tree]

Butcher: [Starts Towards Revenger]

Avenger: [Steps in Butcher’s Way] [Points Shotgun At Butcher]

Butcher: You really think you will survive if you kill me?

Avenger: Just as long as you go first.

Butcher: Pretty bold move.

Avenger: Revenger! Get out here!

Revenger: Well I actually thought of….

Avenger: Get the hell out here!

Revenger: Okay. Geez you don’t have to yell.

Avenger: Now we all have a mission to do. None of us graduates until we finish it. The only way we are going to do that is if we work together.

Shamus: He’s right.

Nut: Aren’t you already a general?

Shamus: Not really. Everyone just looks up to me.

Bill: I wish that my gents would look up to me.

Black Sheep: How do you think that I feel? Living with the name Black Sheep is down right disgraceful.

Reginald: Well what about me? Everyone is always disagreeing with whatever I say.

Bill: Then you blow them up.

Reginald: I do not!

Bill: You do to!

Reginald: Are you disagreeing with me?

Bill: Yes I am!

Reginald: Why you! [Starts Running After Bill]

Bill: [Runs Away]

Avenger: Great where are they going?

Revenger: I don’t know but look at Bill run.

Nut: Looks like Reginald caught him though.

[Large Explosion]

Revenger: I want to just go home now. I can’t make it out here.

Chain: Like the Fourth of July.

Avenger: Whoa.

Reginald: [Walks Up] [Mumbles] No one disagrees with me. [Normal] You see what I mean?

Everyone Else: [Stares At Reginald]

Reginald: What?

Avenger: New rule. No one disagrees with Reginald.

All: Agreed!

Avenger: Our first plan is to go to this island. We believe that it is the base of some brown soldiers.

Revenger: You mean black guys?

Avenger: No you idiot! They wear brown armor. We were told to start our investigation there.

Chain: Well we hear that the Orange team over there is based there as well.

Nut: Where’d you hear that?

Chain: We have our sources.

Bucket: Well even if we do that’s not any of your f****n business.

Reginald: There’s that word again.

Nut: Suck it up.

Chain: Anyway. From what we know, that is nothing more than a missile base.

Avenger: Then that is the best place to start our search.

Shamus: And how are we going to get there?

Avenger: We have a pick up pelican. It will drop us off close to the island.

Revenger: Sounds fun. [Gulps]

Bucket: Tell me I don’t have to stand by his a*s the whole way.

[Desert]

Roc Tahn: What have you found out?

Engineer: [Hums]

Elite: So it was built to destroy the Blue team.

Engineer: [Hums]

Roc Tahn: Why does it keep muttering?

Engineer: [Hums]…[Hums]

Roc Tahn: What! Can we track who it is that is controlling it?

Engineer: [Hums]

Roc Tahn: Take all the time you need. We don’t move until tomorrow’s sunrise.

[Red Base]

[Control Room]

Scorm: How are things?

Unknown: Things are going according to plan. Are you sure this is what you want?

Scorm: Of course this is what I want. I mean I won’t be around forever. Just go according to the plan and everything will work out just fine. I have to go someone is coming.

Connors: [Walks in Room] So who was that?

Scorm: Just checking up on the guys to see how things are going.

Connors: Oh really. And how are things going?

Scorm: Well things are going well.

Connors: Have they found out any new information?

Scorm: Not that I know of.

Connors: Well you were just talking to them were you not?

Scorm: Well yes I was. But..

Connors: But what? What are you hiding from me Scorm?

Scorm: [Remains Silent]

[Missile Base]

[Shore]

Revenger: AHHHHH! [Falls in Water]

Everyone Else: [Lands in Water]

Nut: Man when you said that they would get us close what exactly did you mean?

Butcher: I think he meant in depth.

Avenger: So they dropped us a little to high. We’re okay.

Revenger: [Get’s Up] Ok? He dropped us from two thousand feet in the air. You call that ok?

Avenger: Are you dead?

Revenger: Is that one of those questions that I answer no and you say well then don’t complain?

Avenger: No.

Revenger: Then no! I’m not dead. But I’m barely alive.

Avenger: Geez stop complaining you baby.

Revenger: I knew it! You lying freak.

Avenger: Is everyone ok?

Shamus: I think Reginald isn’t.

Avenger: Why?

Shamus: Because I don’t see him or Bill.

Avenger: What!? Where are they?

Nut: I don’t think that they actually jumped.

Bucket: Yeah Bill kept telling Reggy to jump first but he wouldn’t.

Avenger: Great! Those two cowards.

Revenger: Look! It’s A bird!

Black Sheep: No! It’s a plane!

Butcher: No you guys are so stupid! It’s Bill and Reginald!

Reginald & Bill: AHHHHH!

Reginald: Get your foot out of my mouth! Ahhh!

Reginald & Bill: [Falls On Ground]

Reginald: [Gets Up] That’s the last time I fly with you!

Bill: [Gets Up] Me? You’re the one who simply refused to jump. You sissy.

Reginald: What did you call me?!

Avenger: Where have you two been?

Bill: Master Avenger, Reginald would not jump. I insisted that he go first that way we could hold hands on the way down but he just wouldn’t. So instead I pushed him.

Reginald: Rather rude I must say.

Bill: How else was I suppose to get you down?

Reginald: You could have asked nicely.

Bill: Oh. I never thought of that.

Revenger: Are you guys gay? Because if you are you had better not throw any moves at me or I’ll kill you.

Reginald: I say! Never in my life have I been called gay. Although now that I’m on the ground I’m rather gay.

Revenger: I knew it! Shoot the homos!

Avenger: He means he’s happy to be on land again.

Revenger: Oh! Why didn’t you just say so?

Bill: He did.

Avenger: Alright everyone keep your guard up. We don’t know what these soldiers are up to or what they might do to us.

Butcher: Why don’t we just beat it out of them?

Avenger: Let’s wait and see how they act around us.

[Red Base]

Connors: You know that I know that you are lying.

Scorm: How is that?

Connors: Let’s not play games Scorm. Just tell me what I want to hear.

Scorm: What’s that?

Connors: What?

Scorm: What do you want to hear?

Connors: What you know.

Scorm: Well I know a lot of things.

Connors: Yes but tell me what you are hiding.

Scorm: Hiding where?

Connors: Who were you talking to before I walked in?

Scorm: A friend.

Connors: What friend?

Scorm: A good friend?

Connors: Do I know this friend?

Scorm: Hard to tell. Who do you know?

Connors: I know a bunch of people.

Scorm: Then how do I know if you know them or not?

Connors: What is their name?

Scorm: Their? Who?

Connors: Your friends!

Scorm: Who said it was more than one?

Connors: Well is there more than one?

Scorm: Could be. Then again I was never good with numbers.

Connors: I wish you would just tell me what I want to know.

Scorm: Well I don’t know what you want to know.

Connors: [Groans]

[Missile Base]

Avenger: Ok guys hold your position. Me and Revenger are going to step out and see if that guy up there will shoot us.

Revenger: What! Why do I have to go out there with you when you can go by yourself and if they shoot, you can be the only one that dies?

Avenger: Because we are the Red team and we prove we are the bravest troops.

Revenger: Yeah you mentioned brave. Well guess that rules me out. Guess I’ll head home. Nice hanging with you guys.

Avenger: Come on you coward. If they shoot, open fire on them.

Avenger & Revenger: [Walk Out in the Open]

Brown Soldier: Hey you!

Revenger: Yes?!

Brown Soldier: Who are you?

Avenger: My name is Avenger. This is Revenger. We are soldiers from the Red team.

Brown Soldiers: Well you should leave. You are in an unauthorized area.

Avenger: Then doesn’t that mean that not even you should be here?

Brown Soldier: Uh…What is your business here?

Avenger: We were sent to investigate this whole area for suspicions of destruction.

Brown Soldier: Well there’s plenty of destruction here.

Revenger: There is?

Brown Soldier: Well this is a missile base. What else is it good for?

Avenger: Planning to destroy all of humanity.

Brown Soldier: What!? No! We are here to bomb those crazy Covenant!

Avenger: Then you won’t mind if we take a look around?

Brown Soldier: Fine but the rest of your soldiers stay out here.

Avenger: He comes with me in case of tertiary!

Brown Soldier: Not him! The rest of those guys out there. Those green, blue, gold, and…. What the? Sirs! Stand out where I can see you! You Orange guys!

Nut: Whoopty f****n do. Hey shitaker! You gave our position away.

Bucket: Me? I was behind you.

Nut: Yeah well I still blame your a*s.

Nut & Bucket: [Run Up Beside Avenger & Revenger]

Nut: Yeah what you want?

Brown Soldier: Don’t you know me?

Bucket: Dad?

Nut: Shut up you idiot! No I don’t know you.

Brown Soldier: It’s me Franky!

Nut: Never heard of you.

Bucket: Nah can’t say I have either.

Franky: Well you four come in. The rest stays out here.

[Door Opens]

Avenger, Revenger, Nut, & Bucket: [Walks in]

[Red Base]

[Control Room]

Connors: [Groans] Ok let’s go over this one more time. You know somebody or multiple people. I want you to tell me who these people or person is. You say I may know them or him or her. I want you to tell me your plans. You say that in order to do that you have to check with your friend or friends to see if it is ok. But now you say you may have forgotten who he or she or they are. I said to hit the redial button but you say it may not work due to complications here in the control room. You got close to telling me the plan by saying a few words out loud in your sleep, but still you say that you have to ask those friends or friend if it is ok. You also say they may know me but I may not know them. Now you are telling me that if I do one thing for you, you may tell me your plans and who your friend is or friends are. Am I right?

Scorm: I think that you got it all down. Can’t say I remember saying that though.

Connors: [Worried] You just got through saying that!

Scorm: Are you sure?

Connors: [Frustrated] Yes! You said that like five minutes ago.

Scorm: Are you sure. That’s a lot of talking and explaining to be only five minutes worth of talking.

Connors: Well some of it could have been said yesterday.

Scorm: Ah that’s it.

Connors: What?!

Scorm: If I said some of that yesterday then that means I have slept since then. I can never remember saying stuff after sleeping. I used to fail tests because I’d study the night before and sleep. Guess we’ll have to go through that all over again to refresh my memory.

Connors: [Groans] Sometimes I get the feeling that you hate me.

Scorm: Nah you’re kinda entertaining.

[Missile Base]

[Computer Room]

Franky: So you think that because this is a missile base that we are planning to destroy all humanity?

Avenger: Well we have to guess that everyone is out to destroy humanity. We can’t be too sure who really is out there trying to kill us all.

Franky: Then how come you have never thought of yourself as the killers?

Revenger: Oh s**t! Avenger you’re out to kill all humanity? I knew something was up with your hair.

All: [Stare At Revenger]

Avenger: I’m too dedicated to my team to be a killer of all humanity. All I know is that we have to make a complete lockdown on this base and search everywhere.

T**d: Fools! [Walks Off]

Avenger: Who was that?

Franky: That’s just T**d. He’s been acting a little funny lately but no one pays to much attention to him.

Revenger: [Snickers]

Avenger: [Turns To Revenger] What’s so funny?

Revenger: His name’s T**d. Ha! Ha!

Avenger: Shut up. Let’s get started.

Everyone: [Spreads Out To Search]

[Weapon Room]

T**d: They don’t know. Ha! Ha! They will never know what happened. Oh but when it happens they will feel the pain. Oh the pain! [Changes Color] All must die. Under the command of those who rule all. By their will all shall parish. [Turns Around] [Stares At Avenger]

Avenger: [Stands Still] [Raises His Weapon]

[END]

�" 2009