The Red, The Blue, and The FUgly Epiode 4- It Can't Get Any Worse Part 1

The Red, the Blue, and the FUgly

Written by: William Edward Self Jr.

Makers: William Edward Self Jr. & Alexander Paul LeBlanc

Red = Red Team

Blue = Blue Team

Gray = Unimportant Characters

Black = Important people.

{Name}= Computer

Training:

Episode 4: Part 1: It Can’t Get Any Worse

[Inside Ancient Ruins Cell]

Avenger: Great! This is all your fault!

Revenger: How exactly do you figure that?

Avenger: [Stares At Revenger]

Revenger: What? It’s not like it was my idea to listen to the Head of Red Command. Come to think of it I barely listen to your father and he’s the captain.

Avenger: Yeah well I still plan to blame you.

Revenger: Great! Every time something goes wrong, whether I had anything to do with it or not, I get blamed. Is it because I’m red? It is isn’t it? Well first thing when we get back I’m spraying myself blue. Or maybe black.

Avenger: Why black?

Revenger: I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to be the first to wear either white armor or black armor.

Avenger: Why?

Revenger: Well what about you? What would think if you were the first to wear white or black armor? You’d be the first of your kind.

Avenger: Well as honorable as it would be to be the first of your kind, I’m happy with my armor color. And to be honest you should too.

Revenger: Don’t look now but here comes the grumpiest alien I’ve ever seen. Whatever you do don’t give in to his mind tricks.

Avenger: What?

Alien: [Walks Up] [Looks At Avenger]

Revenger: I swear that this was all his doing! I had nothing to do with it! Please just don’t kill me! I know for a fact that I don’t taste good at all!

Alien: [Looks At Revenger] [Looks Back At Avenger] Is he stupid or something?

Avenger: Yes.

Revenger: [Speaks Real Slow] We come in peace.

Alien: You are on Covenant grounds. The penalty is death.

Revenger: DEATH? Impossible! I’m only 19! I have so much to live for. At least wait until I play Gears Of War 346. I must know if the grubs die yet!

Alien: I have spoken to the others and they have agreed to give you a chance to redeem yourself.

Avenger: Redeem ourselves? What have we done wrong? All that happened was that no nuts over there got us lost and we managed to take a wrong turn somewhere.

Alien: The Covenant cares not for the human race’s mistakes. We have seen your armor before. Many years has passed but the color still haunts our minds. Your kind took our land to the West of here.

Avenger: The West? [Looks At Revenger] I knew that left turn was not the right way.

Revenger: Who could tell? It was pitch black.

Avenger: That’s why you use your night vision. Every suit has one.

Revenger: Yes, but I didn’t want to run down the battery in my suit.

Avenger: We stopped using batteries one hundred seventeen years ago!

Revenger: WHAT? When your dad gave me this suit he told me everyone still used them. I’ve been running on rechargeable D batteries for the past seven years.

Avenger: Ha! Who said that old people don’t have skill?

Alien: All we ask is that you take us back to your camp and work something out with your captain. If you do this then you may keep your lives.

Avenger: I always thought that your kind was vicious creatures.

Alien: It is. I tend to work things out in a more reasonable way. I hate war. I will do anything that will prevent killing someone.

Revenger: But..

Avenger: Shut up Revenge.

Alien: No one should die because of me.

Avenger: What do they call you?

Alien: Roc Tahn.

Avenger: I’m Avenger and this is my friend Revenger.

Revenger: Great I just got introduced to a talking lizard.

Roc Tahn: We will leave in just a few moments. Let me tell the others that you have agreed. You stay here. If you leave they may kill you.

Revenger: [Frightened] NO PROBLEM!

Roc Tahn: [Walks Away]

[Outside Blue Base]

Booker: You know something?

Coward: What?

Booker: Did you notice something strangely familiar about the Red base?

Coward: Not really. I just happen to have known where everything was.

Booker: I think that everything was the exact same.

Coward: Yeah come to think of it I noticed that too. I wonder if our stuff is in the Red base like it is here and the stuff at the Red base is here like it is there.

Booker: Hey you know what I bet you’re right. Let’s go check.

Booker & Coward: [Run Inside]

[Aqua & Radio Run Up]

[Well Aqua Runs Up]

Aqua: [Turns To Face Radio] You are such a wimp.

Radio: [Gasping For Air] Hey when I signed up for this crap I never signed up for running. Besides how is it you can run so fast?

Aqua: Because I have legs and I run like everyone else. Well almost everyone.

Radio: [Still Gasping For Air] Yeah but you’re a chick.

Aqua: And?

Radio: [Catches Breath] And chicks can’t run that fast. I can’t believe they even know how to run. I think that all they should know how to do is to please the men. Ha ha yeah.

Aqua: [Looks At Radio]

Radio: Which brings me back to you and me. Since me and you are partners have you thought of you and me….

Aqua: [Walks Over and Hits Radio] [Walks Away]

Radio: Ah. [Falls Down] You know that didn’t hurt to bad. In fact you didn’t even knock me out!

Aqua: [While Walking Away] It wasn’t suppose to.

Radio: AAAHHHHH! F**K! THE PAIN! OH S**T! I THINK MY BRAIN JUST BLEW UP! AAAHHHH! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! OH GOD! THE PAIN! I CAN”T MOVE! AHHH!

[Inside Blue Base]

Connors: Ah Aqua. What news do you have for me?

Aqua: Well sir we we’re checking up on the Gold team and the Green team as usual and then these red guys showed up.

Connors: We?

Aqua: Radio and myself sir.

Connors: Radio? Is that the one that ran around naked at that last party?

Aqua: The one after our victory at the Stand Tall tournament?

Connors: Yeah that one.

Aqua: Yes sir that would be him.

Connors: Man I hate that guy.

Aqua: You’re not alone there sir.

Connors: Of course not. I have the whole Blue team here with me. Are you feeling fine?

Aqua: Sir about the red soldiers.

Connors: Ah yes. You were saying that you were checking up on the two teams I had you spy on and then these red guys showed up right?

Aqua: That is correct sir.

Connors: How many were there exactly?

Aqua: Only two sir.

Connors: And what did these two want?

Aqua: That we are not too sure about. We did happen to find out that there seems to be some sort of alliance between the Green team and the Red team.

Connors: What makes you think that?

Aqua: They helped the Green team in an attack on the Gold team. Of course it did fail though.

Connors: So you mean that they were helping to kill the Gold team.

Aqua: That is how it appeared sir.

Connors: Excellent. I didn’t even have to accuse them of anything. This is great! We will rule soon or later. Specifically after the Dark Night Tournament. Thank you Aqua. That’s enough.

Aqua: Thank you sir. Good day. [Walks Away]

Connors: Soon now we will rein over all of them. The Blue team will no longer stand in the shadow of those who oppose us!

Tycoon: You mean like the Covenant?

Connors: What? Who are you?

Tycoon: I was sent by Command.

Connors: For what?

Tycoon: We have had report that there has been some hacking in the Command systems. I was sent down to go through every base’s data core in order to catch whoever it is that has been trying to shut us down.

Connors: And you come here?

Tycoon: Well I thought that I would start with the closes base. I landed about two hundred yards South of here. I saw your communication tower and radioed in for a GPS upgrade.

Connors: That’s pretty neat.

Tycoon: You don’t have much technology down here do you?

Connors: We just got a toilet that sprays water up your butt.

Tycoon: [Clears Throat] Right. Well if you could direct me to your control room I’ll get started here.

Connors: Why would you start here though?

Tycoon: Why not?

Shark: [Runs Up] Sir I have a radio transmission not too far from here. I think that the Red team has a couple of stranded men calling for aid.

Connors: [Turns To Shark] Thank you. That will be all.

Shark: Sir. [Runs Away]

Connors: [Turns Back To Tycoon] I think that I know who may be hacking your system.

[Ruin Cell]

Avenger: Come in Red base. This is Private Avenger, tag A17, number 115. Do you read me? Is there anyone out there?

Revenger: What a dumb question.

Avenger: [Looks At Revenger] Why?

Revenger: Well you know that there’s like ten aliens out there.

Avenger: [Stares At Revenger]

Revenger: What you don’t believe me?

Avenger: I swear I think you were dropped when you was born.

Revenger: Oh really. Well I’ll prove it to you.

Avenger: That you were dropped?

Revenger: See there’s one now.

Roc Tahn: [Walks In] I have spoken with the others. You will be escorted with five of our finest elites.

Avenger: You mean you’re not going with us?

Roc Tahn: I was forbidden to go. But you will be safe. Just remembers this humans: I saved your lives. It is because of me you will walk out off these sacred grounds.

Avenger: And you remember that only we would do this for your kind.

Revenger: Not my idea!

Avenger: Shut up.

Revenger: Well you just remember that you helped me prove Avenger wrong.

Roc Tahn: That seems impossible.

Revenger: I know but I did.

Avenger: Whatever.

Roc Tahn: Come you must leave now.

All: [Walks Out O f Cell]

Roc Tahn: The humans are ready to leave.

Elite: [Looks At Avenger] You should thank him human. If it were not for him you would have died long ago.

Avenger: I already have.

Elite: Let us leave. It will take some time to get to your base. May be night fall before we make it.

Avenger: Night fall!? Ah crap! The Dark Night Tournament starts right after noon!

Elite: If we make haste we may get you back in time. Just remember to forget this place. You must never return.

Avenger: I understand.

Elite: The other one remains silent.

Avenger: Trust me it’s better that way.

Revenger: So can we like teleport back?

Elite: Is he stupid?

Avenger: Yes.

[Avenger & Revenger Walk West With Elites]

[Red Base]

Scorm: Great! It’s the day of the tournament, exactly four hours from it starting, and my two players aren’t even going to be a part of it.

Gus: I saw a pig fly one day. Then it died.

Scorm: What kind of pig was it?

Gus: It was purple.

Scorm: A purple pig? Wow never seen one of those before.

Gus: It was here the other morning. Flying around on the bridge.

Scorm: When?

Gus: It was dark outside.

Scorm: How could it be morning and night all at one time?

Gus: I don’t know? I think that cheese was around.

Scorm: Cheese!? You make no sense.

Gus: They are going to be back.

Scorm: Sure they are. You’re not helping any. Go play with your hammer.

Gus: They won’t see you. You’ll be gone. I know.

[Somewhere that Revenger Has No Clue About]

Revenger: WHERE ARE WE?

Avenger: Geez man shut up!

Elite: This is too much noise for me to hear. I think that we should shoot him.

Avenger: No don’t do that.

Elite: Why is that?

Avenger: Because if you shoot him then he’s going to cry so loud that I will be forced to shoot him. The Red team kicks people out for that.

Revenger: PLZ GOD WHERE AM I?

Elite: Thank the great ring that we are not that far from your camp.

Revenger: This isn’t happening! I want to die! [Starts To Cry]

Elite: Is there no other way to shut him!?

Avenger: Hey Revenger! I’ll give you a twizzler when we get back if you shut up.

Revenger: [Crying] Make it two and you have a deal.

Avenger: Fine you get two.

Revenger: [Sobers Up] Deal. Let’s go.

Elite: What are these twizzlers? I must get some.

Avenger: His favorite candy.

[Not Far Behind]

[Aqua & Radio Hide Behind Destroyed Warthog]

Aqua: So they are taking them back to their base? That makes no sense. Unless? They could be taking sides!

Radio: So when are we going to have that date or what? I mean it is the least you could do for my broken brain.

Aqua: We will call this mission a date. If that’s what you want to call it.

Radio: Well I can’t really see where we would get it on.

Aqua: What!? On the first date? What do I look like?

Radio: I’d say the s**t type? Not too sure though.

Aqua: [Runs Off]

Radio: Don’t worry baby I’ll make it worth your while.

[Red Base]

[Control Room]

{Delta}: Captain. I have detected movement within the parameter. I detect inhuman life forms. Five. Then four human life forms.

Scorm: Could it be them? Wait did you say inhuman?

{Delta}: Yes sir. Five alien life forms.

Scorm: Well get some men out there. Set up some turrets.

{Delta}: Alert we need all personal to go into battle protocol. Head to the main entrance. Prepare to kill.

Scorm: Well if that didn’t add any enthusiasm to it nothing will.

{Delta}: Thank you sir.

[Outside Red Base]

Elite: This land has been hurt. There is nothing we can do for it. We should forget it, it will never live again.

Avenger: Well at least you got us back in time. Five minutes to be exact.

Revenger: Took you long enough.

Avenger: Thank you very much. We will never forget this.

Elite: You are welcome human. We shall leave now. You should not forget to get him help.

Revenger: I heard that.

Avenger: There is no technology in the world that can help that.

Revenger: Abuse!

Elite: So long human.

Elites: [Walk Away]

Revenger: Well that was mean.

Avenger: At least we made it in one piece.

Revenger: Yeah. Could have died.

Avenger & Revenger: [Turns Around]

Revenger: AH!

Red Soldier: Freeze! Don’t move alien scum!

Avenger: Ah crap. I will also blame this on you.

Revenger: WHAT!

Red Soldier: Open Fire!

Red Soldiers: [Fire Guns]

[Blue Base]

Static: Everything is ready sir.

Connors: Good. This will be a win-win ending either way it goes.

Chain: Well we will win anyway.

Clipper: We crush other humans.

Connors: Yes I don’t doubt it. Then they all go up in flames.

[END]