The Red, The Blue, and the FUgly Episode 3- This Is All Your Fault

The Red, the Blue, and the FUgly

Written by: William Edward Self Jr.

Makers: William Edward Self Jr. & Alexander Paul LeBlanc

Red = Red Team

Blue = Blue Team

Gray = Unimportant Characters

Black = Important people.

{Name}= Computer

Training:

Episode 3: This Is All Your Fault

Avenger: This is all your fault!

Revenger: Mine? The nerve!

Avenger: I gave you one simple task, one! Make sure no one comes up behind us and what did you do? You let them come up behind us!

Shamus: You can’t entirely blame him even though I will just so I’m not the one blamed for it.

Revenger: Thanks.

Shamus: Well I’m a general; I can’t have people blaming me for a simple mistake such as this. So all in favor of blaming Revenger say “I”.

Shamus and Avenger: I!

Revenger: Well you guys blow. Why doesn’t the general here get blamed? He should have heard them coming from a mile away.

Shamus: Actually I just because no one else was man enough to take on the job.

Avenger: What!? You mean you technically aren’t a general?

Shamus: I was never actually promoted to general.

Avenger: Great! Now I’m stuck in here with an idiot and a wannabe general.

Shamus: I wouldn’t say it like that.

Revenger: Yeah you shouldn’t call him an idiot.

Avenger: Revenger shut up. Look here we were listening to orders going far away and we get kidnapped by a bunch of Scottish freaks and then taken prisoner by tea sucking gold morons.

Lion Heart: What! How dare you sir! I shall have to challenge you to a pillow fight if it comes down to that.

Revenger: Woo! A pillow fight!

Avenger & Shamus: [Look At Revenger]

Revenger: I mean…[Clears Throat] Pillow fights are for sissies.

Avenger: You have no right keeping us here.

Lion Heart: I believe we do.

Avenger: How?

Lion Heart: Were you on Gold team grounds?

Avenger: Yes but..

Lion Heart: Were you with the Green team general?

Avenger: Well yes but….

Lion Heart: Were your intentions good?

Avenger: Not exactly but…

Lion Heart: So they were bad?

Avenger: Technically….

Lion Heart: Then we have all the right. You came on British grounds and threatened our lives so we do what we do to all who threaten us….jail.

Avenger: Yes but we were only following orders.

Lion Heart: By whose orders?

Avenger: The Head of Red Command.

Lion Heart: Then why were you listening to the Green team’s general?

Avenger: You were treating them like crap. You took their supplies.

Lion Heart: We didn’t take their supplies. They took ours. And even called us tea sucking pillow fighting babies.

Revenger: Well take a moment to think about it. Were they wrong?

Avenger: Revenger!

Revenger: NO! Look at yourselves. Do you suck on tea?

Lion Heart: No we sip it.

Revenger: Same thing. Do you have awesome pillow fights for fun?

Lion Heart: No we have it for punishment.

Revenger: Same thing. Now don’t you cry like babies when you loose?

Lion Heart: No we run away from the fight.

Revenger: What’s the difference? So doesn’t all those things technically make you tea sucking pillow fighting babies?

Lion Heart: No.

Revenger: Well then you guys are in denial. No one can help you but yourself.

Lion Heart: Is he dumb?

Avenger: Oh yeah.

Shamus: You have no idea.

Avenger: Now listen why don’t you just keep then general and let us go.

Shamus: Mighty good friends you turned out to be.

Lion Heart: Never! Impossible!

Revenger: Then why not a face off?

Lion Heart: What do you mean?

Avenger: Ah yes. Why not do this. We go back to back. We take ten steps turn and shoot. Whoever lives keeps their lives.

Lion Heart: I don’t know.

Shamus: Be a damn good honor to take out the man who challenged you. Maybe even a hero.

Lion Heart: A hero you say?

[Moment of Silence]

Fine we will do this. Mid-day tomorrow. Be ready red one. I have never lost. One Hundred Seventeen times I’ve won.

Revenger: Go figure.

[Green base]

[Shillalah Stands In Middle of Other Green Members]

Shillalah: Alright men we have to get our general back at all costs. We will storm in there about mid-day tomorrow and take them by surprise.

Black Sheep: Shouldn’t we attack at night. That will make it harder for them to see us.

Sheppard: Can you see at night?

Black Sheep: No.

Sheppard: Then what makes you think that we can go in at night.

Black Sheep: Can’t we just us lights?

Shillalah: Then what would be the point of sneaking?

Black Sheep: Screw you guys! I know what I’m talking about!

Shillalah: Listen here’s the plan.

[Besides Waterfall]

Radio: What are they saying?

Aqua: Does it look like there is a microphone on this sniper rifle?
Radio: There wasn’t last time that I checked.

Aqua: And that was when?

Radio: About an hour ago just before I gave it to you.

Aqua: then what makes you think that there is one on it now?

Radio: you know for a chick you’re pretty aggressive.

Aqua: Whatever. Looks like they are planning an attack.

Radio: Is that what they said?

Aqua: Yeah they walked over here and told me that they were planning an attack….NO YOU DUMBFUCK!

Radio: [Makes Cat Noises]

Aqua: [Hits Radio]

Radio: Ah! [Falls Down]

[Red Base]

[Control Room]

Scorm: Hey Mornman have you noticed that it is a little more quiet around here?

Mornman: What do you mean sir?

[Gun Shots]

[Grenades Explode]

[Rockets Exploding]

[Battle Cries]

[Spartan Laser Goes Off]

Scorm: Something just feels weird. It’s like it is way too quiet around here.

Mornman: Have you seen Avenger or Revenger lately?

Scorm: You know come to think about it I haven’t. Where are those two?

Mornman: Last time I saw them they were in the Training Simulator. But that was yesterday.

Scorm: Delta.

{Delta}: Captain Scorm. How may I help you?

Scorm: Locate Avenger private 115 and Revenger private 116.

{Delta}: [Scanning] There appears to be no sign of them anywhere in or around the base for two hundred miles.

Scorm: Odd. Can you tell me where they may be?

{Delta}: One moment. [Scanning] Records show a detection in some form of invalid identity. Should I play it?

Scorm: Yes.

{Delta}: [Hum] [Static]

Booker: So these are the two that the Red team are sending.

Coward: Now lets kill them!

Booker: A little too much. They might spot us and alert everyone else. That would ruin the bosses plan.

Coward: Then what do you think should be done?

Booker: I have an idea. [Walks Over to Computer] [Pushes Button] [Clears Throat] Attention you two.

Revenger: What now! I was about to wi…

Avenger: [Shoots Revenger]

Revenger: No fair! Interference!

Avenger: Who is this?

Booker: Uh… That is highly classified. I’m from the Head of Red Command.

Avenger: Really? I’ve always wanted to speak with someone from Head of Red Command. I have so many questions!

Revenger: [Looks At Avenger]

Booker: [Lets Go of Button] What idiots!

Coward: Let me try. [Pushes Button] We want you to listen carefully.

Avenger: Who is this?

Revenger: The voice in the sky. Even I knew that.

Avenger: how stupid does that sound to you.

Revenger: It doesn’t.

Avenger: Well it should.

Coward: I am the assistant of the man that is the Head of Red Command.

Avenger: Okay?

Booker: Yes now listen. I have spoken to your leader…

Revenger: Oh wow that lame line.

Avenger: Shh!

Booker: Go and patrol.

Avenger: Where?

Booker: Where what?

Avenger: Where should we patrol?

Booker: Uh? Oh!

Coward: Far away.

Booker: Yeah far away

Avenger: Which direction?

Booker: Which direction what?

Avenger: Which direction do you want us to go far away?

Coward: EAST!

Booker: NO WEST!

Revenger: Well I’m not going with what they say. Let’s go North.

Booker & Coward: NORTH!

Revenger: You don’t have to agree with me just to make me feel better even though I wish someone else would.

Avenger: Shut up. So you want us to go North?

Booker: Yeah. But finish your game first.

Avenger: Oh we just finished it.

Booker: Then start a new one and then go.

Scorm: Delta fast-forward.

{Delta}: [Fast Forwards]

Booker: Let’s get out of here.

Coward: No joke.

Booker & Coward: [Walks Toward Doorway]

Booker: S**t someone’s coming. Hide.

Coward: I say we kill him.

Booker: No! Hide!

Coward: Where?

Booker: Stand over there!

Mornman: [Walks In Control Room] [Looks At Coward and Then At Booker] What the hell are you two doing in blue armor?

Booker: Huh? What are you talking about?

Mornman: You two are in blue armor.

Coward: What the hell! How’d that happen.

Booker: Ah S**t! How’d this crap happen?

Mornman: You mean you didn’t know you were wearing blue armor?

Booker: Are you kidding! I mean I knew he was wearing blue armor but out of kindness I didn’t say anything. Thought it was the new look for him.

Coward: I’m colorblind.

Mornman: Well you two better get out of that armor before someone thinks you are blue guys.

Booker: We’ll get right to that.

Coward: Yeah right away.

Booker & Coward: [Runs Out of Control Room]

Mornman: What a bunch of dumbasses. Can’t be worse than Revenger.

{Delta}: [Static] That is all.

Scorm: [Looks At Mornman] You let them get out of here!

Mornman: No sir I had no idea! They said that they were red, that they were new!

Scorm: I saw enough to know what you were up to. You pack your things. You are no longer a part of the Red team!

Mornman: Sir if I may…

Scorm: You may not. Pack your things and go.

Mornman: But sir…

Scorm: NOW!

Mornman: [Looks Away] [Walks Away]

[Next Day]

[Paradise Falls]

[Outside Green Base]

Shillalah: Alright let’s get ready men. Remember the plan.

Black Sheep: I still hate the plan.

Shillalah: Who cares. Let’s go!

[Green Team Runs Toward Gold Base]

[Cave]

Radio: [Wakes up] B***h! What the hell did you hit me for?

Aqua: They’re on the move.

Radio: Who?

Aqua: The birds…. The Green team dumbass! Let’s go.

[Aqua & Radio Run After Green Team]

[Gold Base]

[All Are Outside]

Lion Heart: Alright red one we will see if you win. The rest of you men get over on that side. If he loses I will just shoot you next.

Bill: Jolly good plan.

Lion Heart: All of you shut up. I need my concentration. If anyone makes a sound I will shoot you!

Avenger: Alright let’s get back to back.

Lion Heart: Alright. We will count out loud. We count to ten.

[Lion Heart and Avenger Get Back To Back]

[They Start Walking Away From Eachother]

Lion Heart & Avenger: 1, 2, 3, 4 ,5

Avenger, Revenger, and Shamus: [Runs Away]

Bill: Uh boss.

Lion Heart: SHUT IT! 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 [Swings Around To See Avenger, Revenger, and Shamus Running Across the Stream] [Turns Back Around] WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING!?

Bill: You said not to.

Lion Heart: AH! Well I’m not going after them! Who’s up for a tea party?

All: Jolly good. [Walks Inside]

[Across Stream]

[Aqua and Radio Hide Under Lip of the Ground]

Avenger: Keep running!

Shamus: No joke!

Revenger: Was it suppose to be a joke!?

Avenger & Shamus: NO!

Green Team: [Run Over Hill]

Shamus: NO! Turn around men! Go back!

All: [Run Back To Green Base]

[Aqua and Radio Run Back To Cave]

Radio: What just happened?

Aqua: Not sure. Let’s go and tell Connors.

Radio: You know he hits me every time I call him that.

Radio and Aqua: [Run Away]

[Green Base]

Shamus: You sure you don’t want to stay and help?

Avenger: Nah we can’t. We have to get back to our base before the tournament starts.

Revenger: Yeah the one we will win.

Shamus: Well for your help I hope you do win. Good bye.

Avenger: Bye.

Revenger: Adios’!

Avenger & Revenger: [Walk Away]

[Several Hours Later]

[Desert]

Avenger: Revenger are you sure this is the way we came from.

Revenger: Sort of.

Avenger: I swear if you got me lost when it comes time to eat eachother I’ll kill you first.
[Shuffle]

Revenger: Did you hear that?

Avenger: No I didn’t. What was it this time? No wait let me guess that speck of sand?

Revenger: Actually it was.

Avenger: Don’t be crazy. [Runs Into Something] What the?

Figure: [Reappears]

Avenger: Oh s**t.

Revenger: We are surrounded. What should I do?

Avenger: Just stand there.

Revenger: Great.

[Red Base]

[Control Room]

Scorm: Still no sign of them Delta?

{Delta}: [Scanning] That is correct sir.

Scorm: You know I bet wherever they are it is because of Revenger. I bet it is all his fault.

[Desert]

Alien: [Points Gun At Avenger’s Head]

Avenger: Revenger.

Revenger: Yeah?

Avenger: This is all you f*****g fault!

[END]