The Red, The Blue, and The FUgly Eisode1- Learning How It Works

Role-played on the game Halo 3, this is much like RedVSBlue, only in written form. This is the script for the show that is in production.

The Red, the Blue, and the FUgly

Written by: William Edward Self Jr.

Makers: William Edward Self Jr. & Alexander Paul LeBlanc

Red = Red Team

Blue = Blue Team

Gray = Unimportant Characters

Black = Important people.

{Name}= Computer

Training:

Episode 1: Learning How It Works

[Base] [Revenger and Avenger are looking at the launch pad]

Revenger: [Takes Deep Breath]. This is going to be an awesome day! All of our training will finally pay off.

Avenger: What makes you think that? You’ve basically screwed up all of our other training simulations.

Revenger: Like what!?

Avenger: The simulation for grenade throwing, the simulation of target practice, which you screwed up using the sniper rifle, the assault rifle, the battle rifle, the pistol, the smg, the shotgun, and the rocket launcher. You screwed up the driving simulation with the warthog, the gauss warthog, the mongoose, and the scorpion. You screwed up the flying simulation, with the hornet, and you even screwed up the simulation of patience.

Revenger: [Remains Silent]

Avenger: [Looks at Revenger, then turns back forward.]

Revenger: At least I did well with the Spartan Laser.

Avenger: [Swings around to face Revenger]

Revenger: What? I did.

Avenger: You only did well with the Spartan Laser because when it came time to use it they thought twice and gave you an A for not using it.

Revenger: But I still did well with it.

Avenger: Do you even realize how stupid you sound when you say things like that?

Revenger: Ouch! That hurt.

Avenger: It was suppose to… it was an insult.

[Base] [Revenger and Avenger are at the target practice room] [General Mornman runs in]

Mornman: Gentlemen. I have been sent to inform you that the two of you are to meet Captain Scorm in the control room. This has to be done immediately.

Avenger: May I ask what the cause is?

Mornman: That is classified. You are to speak only to Captain Scorm of this. Good day gentlemen. [Runs out]

Revenger: You ever think that Mornman might be gay?

Avenger: What!? How could you even say that?

Revenger: Well you notice how he kept calling us gentlemen?

Avenger: So.

Revenger: How is it that he knows that we are gentle men? We could be rough men.

Avenger: He doesn’t mean it like that you idiot. He isn’t saying gentle men as in two words; he’s saying gentlemen as in one word. Like proper men. Plus how exactly were you taking that if you thought he was being gay?

Revenger: Let’s just say that what happens in the private quarters stays in the private quarters.

Avenger: I didn’t need to hear that. Let’s go and see what my father wants.

[Meanwhile]

[Blue Headquarters]

Connors: Alright men. Here is our plan. It may be the best plan in the entire world. At least I think it is. We will build our forces to destroy all the other teams. The blue team must be the only team left standing.

Chain: Sir what exactly are we going to do? We have a tournament coming up in three days.

Connors: I know. We have to show that we are the best. I haven’t decided exactly who I want to be the two that will compete.

Chain: Well sir I would be very glad to go. I’m top of my class. In fact I was told by the Armed Specialist that if it moves, no matter how small it may be, I can hit it.

Connors: I know. Then you will be the first. Now all I have to do is find a second man. You’ll need a good wingman.

Chain: Might I recommend my cousin.

Connors: You mean Saw?

Chain: Yes sir. He’s good with heavy fire. He can also bust up big groups.

Connors: I don’t know I was thinking about sending in Clipper.

Chain: Clipper? May I ask sir why you would send him?

Connors: Why not? He is as fast as any other soldier. Plus he doesn’t go down that easily. Plus to add on to that, he’s a specially built Robotic Animated Vengeful Atomic Genetic Exterminator.

Chain: RAVAGE?

Connors: I didn’t name it that. His constructor named him that. I had no say over it. There is one good thing about it though. By next month we will have about a thousand of them. That will be when we will take them all over.

Chain: Well sir I do believe that I will be able to get along with him. If not what’s the worst that could happen?

Connors: Well he could kill you if you let anything happen to him. Anything bad that happens will be on your head. Have a good day.

[Walks Away]

　

[8:15 A.M.]

[Blue Base]

[Weapon Storage Room]

[Connors Walks In]

Connors: How are things going Static?

Static: Well sir that last tournament we had didn’t end to well. It’s been five months and Bullet still isn’t feeling good.

Connors: Well what did she expect when she took a bullet to the head? Anyways. Is everything going to be ready for the plan after the tournament?

Static: Yes sir. Couldn’t be going any better than it already is.

Booker: [Runs Up] Sir, Static, We have word that there will only be three teams in the tournament.

Connors: Really? Why is that?

Booker: The Green Team had problems at their base. Some explosion. No one really knows why.

Connors & Static: [Pass a Glance at Eachother]

Connors: So you say they have no idea what caused the explosion right?

Booker: That’s right. Well have to go do some more scouting. See if I can get anymore news for you.

[Runs Off]

Connors & Static: [Laugh]

Connors: They will never know.

Static: You had the best idea of all. And best of all no one has a clue that we set off that explosion. Now it will just be three teams. The Orange team, the Gold team, and us. Nothing can go wrong now.

{[Hum]}

{Data}: Sir I am sorry to bother you but I have a report that there will be another team taking the place of the Green team.

Connors: What!? Who?

{Data}: The Red team has accepted the challenge into the tournament.

Connors: Damn! Is there anything that we can do to stop them?

Static: Sorry sir but all I have built is built only for the plan.

Connors: Damn! Damn! Damn!

{Data}: Dam. A dam is a structure built to hold back water that can be used to power up electricity. Example would be the famous Hoover Dam. A dam is also a structure built by a mammal known as a beaver, which the species died off some time ago due to the over population of what are known as Fishermen. A beaver would build a dam to make their homes, normally made from twigs a branches.

Connors: [Looks at computer] [Pauses] Data what the hell was that for?

{Data}: Sir I was only following protocol.

Connors: Protocol? What protocol?

{Data}: The protocol you set up sir. You set it up so that every time you say a word three times I am to tell you the definition of it. An example would be when you asked me to tell you the definition of p***y last night when you were with that inflated woman.

Static: What! Bwa ha ha ha! Oh my God! Are you serious? You have to use an inflated doll to have fun?

Connors: [Walks Over] [Hits Static in the Back of the Head]

[Back At Red Base]

[Hallway to Control Room]

Revenger: Hey Avenger you think that he will give us the same lecture that he did last time he ordered us to get to his “office” immediately?

Avenger: I happen to think that what he said last time made perfect sense. If you hadn’t shot a hole through his office he may not have been so mad.

Revenger: Ha! Made an improvement to the place.

Avenger: Took about two thousand credits to fix.

Revenger: Well it takes money to make stuff look better.

Avenger: Please try your best not to mess with him this time.

Revenger: What are you talking about?

Avenger: The last time we were here you wouldn’t stop telling him how crappy his office was and how by you shooting a hole in it made it look so much better.

[Flashback]

[Last Time in Scorm’s Office]

Revenger: Listen dad I’m so sorry bout the hole in the wall. They don’t make those safety buttons on the Spartan Laser like they used to; with the big arrow pointing to the green light saying that safety is on.

Avenger: Green means that it is ready to fire.

Revenger: Well that doesn’t make any sense. Green should mean on and red should mean off. Did you know dad that they do the same thing with driving?

Scorm: Would you stop calling me dad. I am not your father.

Revenger: Yeah I know dad but I like to think of you as a father I never had. Plus I have to pay you back for the massive hole that improved the look of your s****y looking base. I have to say that it was a huge improvement. Plus why would you pick to have your office in the middle of a control room?

Avenger: Revenger please shut up.

Revenger: No, I have to get him to understand why he picked a horrible place in this dump. Now listen dad. I think….

Scorm: [Walks over and hits Revenger, knocking him out] [Looks at Avenger] How did you manage to pick a dumbass like this dumbshit?

Avenger: He makes me feel even more smart than I already do. His stupidity makes up for anything that I do.

Scorm: I dread the day I enter him in a tournament. In fact I hope the day I do I get shot by a misfired gun.

[Flashback Ends]

Revenger: can’t say that he was too happy about that.

Avenger: Just remember not to call him dad.

Revenger: Yeah yeah I got it.

Avenger: I mean it he’s my father not yours. He hates to think of you ever being a son of his. Makes him happy to know that you’re not.

Revenger: Yeah well he isn’t the best of parents. He’s abusive.

Avenger & Revenger: [Walks in Control Room]

Soldier: I’ll take your gumballs.

Revenger: [Surprised] Yeah I bet you will you sick perverted b*****d. Who is this gay f****t?

Scorm: That is Gus. He’s new. He isn’t to bright in the head.

Gus: Chickens can fly. Plus they don’t lay eggs, they lay bombs.

Revenger: Wow he’s loose about thirty screws. There ain’t nobody that could be as dumb as him.

Everybody in Control Room: [Turns and Looks at Revenger]

Revenger: What?

Everybody: [Goes Back to Work]

Avenger: You wanted to see us sir.

Revenger: Yeah pops what you want? I was in the middle of demolishing the targeting range. Good thing you called when you did. By the way did you know that your buddy Mornman is gay.

Scorm: You mean my second in command?

Revenger: Yeah him. He wouldn’t stop calling us gentle men.

Scorm: Maybe it was a good thing that we called you away from the target range. Wouldn’t want to loose another good soldier.

[Flashback]

[Revenger Shoots Red Soldier With a Spartan Laser]

[Flashback Ends]

Revenger: Hey that wasn’t my fault. Dodger said that he could dodge a Spartan Laser shot. Boy was he wrong. Plus he isn’t dead he’s in the infirmary.

Scorm: With thirty-four broken bones, seven disintegrated bones, half a jaw, three fourths of a brain, a missing leg, and a missing eye.

Revenger: But he’s still alive.

Scorm: [Stares at Revenger] Anyway. I have called you two here because I have an important announcement to make.

Revenger: YES! Finally! You are going to call me son! YES ! I’ve been waiting for this my whole life!

Scorm & Avenger: [Stares at Revenger]

Scorm: No Revenger I’m not going to call you my son. I would rather to be handed over to a group of gay a*s f*****g homos than to ever call you son.

Avenger: Ouch.

Scorm: You are by far the dumbest soldier I have ever seen. Now I have told you to meet me here because the Green team has withdrawn from the upcoming tournament known as Dark Night. I have chosen you two because, I can’t believe I am about to say this about you Revenger, you two are the best I have. If we win this you two will go up in rank and fulfill your training becoming generals. No longer will you be privates.

Avenger: This is amazing! Thank you sir for this honor.

Revenger: Yeah man thanks pops.

Avenger: [Looks at Revenger]

Revenger: Ha you said not to call him dad. You never said nothing about pops.

Avenger: Revenger they mean the same thing.

Revenger: But you didn’t say that I couldn’t say it.

Avenger: Whatever. Let’s go train in the virtual simulator.

Revenger: Sure see ya’ pops.

Avenger & Revenger: [Walks Out of Control Room]

Gus: Don’t hurt my cows!

Revenger: [In Distance] No promises.

Scorm: What else could go wrong today?

Worker: Whoops my gun.

[Shot Misfires and Hits Scorm]

Scorm: Damn! [Falls Down]

[Meanwhile]

[Outside Red Base]

[Booker & Coward Run up]

Booker: Alright Coward this is it. This is the base that belongs to the Red team. This is where we are to position ourselves and find out who they plan to send into the Dark Night tournament.

Coward: So let us charge in and destroy any in our path, find their leader in his control room office like thing, sit him down, use our tools of torture and force him to tell us who he plans to send in, and then kill them before they can do anything.

Booker: [Stares at Coward]

Coward: [Stares Back at Booker]

Booker: You know for someone named Coward you aren’t that big of a coward.

Coward: Not one bit. Now let’s go in and see what we can find out.

Booker: Time to sabotage the Red’s plans to win the tournament.

Booker & Coward: [Runs in Base] [END]