Grow Up and be a Man

My wife brought home a little man

He really doesn't talk very much

He mostly cries and sucks his thumb

And he poops a lot and such

A lot of times he just stares at me

Well, I cant just let him win

So I stare him down, til he's crosseyed

With drool running down his chin

He wears this thing called a diaper

You know, like speedos for a little dude

Everytime I tell him to put on some clothes

My wife says, "Quit being rude"

He drinks his milk from a bottle

I tell him to grow up, and be a man

So I hurry and finish my rootbeer

To show him I can crush a can

I told my wife he's not much of a man

He can't even grow a beard

Then I caught them playing patty cakes

The one thing that I've always feared

So I finally accused my wife of cheating

She said, "You idiot this is your child"

I said, "I knew that, do you think I'm stupid?"

She didn't answer, she just sit there and smiled

Well, I finally grew accustomed to his face

And it just couldn't be any finer

As long as he puts some clothes on 

And stays out of my recliner

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

LMAO! Loved the line about the recliner! I'm surprised you didn't mention the tv remote! Next to last stanza, 4th line...sat there and smiled.
Priceless poem!

[olla]

I smiled several times while I was reading this... well done..

[Morrigan Nicole]

Awww, this one was cute

[Emerald Seas]

Your sense of humor is superb!

[Underestimated]

lol, great humor from a perfect perspective. Wonderful writing. Good job!!!!

Oh wow, I totally loved this write.

[Matty Bosox]

This is great.....I have a son who is one year old and there is nothing better than being a dad