Hopes Archangel

A Chapter by IndigoChild

If the difference between the living and being dead is a single heart beat, Then I have a lot to learn.

“Its not my fault people in the 1900’s are prejudice” I am staring into the face of Avaria waiting for an answer...again. Avaria is a spirit that just so happen to travel a little too far like me but she has a mission and I am her messenger. I am Gabriel, thirteen for 400 years but dead for a year, that’s all I know.

********

“ Christi I don't know what to tell you we will keep her for another week but if we don't see improvement we will send her home to die that's just how it is.” Chrisy's world from that moment was never the same. She could not handle the news and went home and retired herself from this world.

Her baby lived and was adopted into a “good” home.

********

My name is something about me that is a lie, But it is Hope, As in i will give people hope.

i don't believe i will, but my mother killed herself because she thought I was going to die. She had no hope, So why should I .

“Hope I'm going to pound you if my Brandy's late again.”

“ I’d do what he says hope” And that is Gabriel ,a stupid voice in my head that bothers me all the time.

“ Yeah no kidding” I say to Gabriel. I know i don't have to speak out loud but it helps me feel like i am not alone. I truly am in this world.

I Wheel my self over to my adopted fathers alcohol cabinet and pour him a cup of warm brandy, The way i know he hates it. I steal a swig myself not caring about the law, Just the buzz after. My life sucks, I am a paraplegic In a dump of a house with non existent fake parents. This house is all stairs and no ramps. So i live my life in the kitchen and living room.

I was not born this way. I could walk at one point, Then my a*s of a father had to get wasted and run me over. Crushed part of my spinal cord. Couldn't walk sense then , I hate my adopted father because of it always have and always will.

“ Girl you better push your a*s here now. You’ve got wheels I hear there faster then legs.” I then commence to trying to balance a cup on my lap while getting myself quick to the living room. Lets just say the effort makes me hate my Father even more.

“ Gabe why can't you make yourself useful and make me walk. Then i just might like you.”

“ You know i can't do that. Please just hurry now so he doesn't beat you.” Of course that is one thing he knows I will do. With great effort i make my way to my corner of the living room. It is my bed room. I used to sleep upstairs,but i am sure you can figure out why i don’t now. I grab my coat and slowly make my way outside. The ramp to get down to the ground is the only one that my father put an effort into making and that was because they would not get their money if i got taken away.

My wheels hit the gravel drive way and i am off. I can coast with my chair at least halfway to the library. Here in Vermont the roads are paved, but badly. So i still have to watch out for the cracks in the road. Once i get to the library i stop and think. The library itself is a old building. I can’t really tell much about it because i have never seen the whole thing. I started coming here after the accident so of course i was limited to the front of the library, the ramp. My whole life seems to be limited to ramps and handicap parking and expecting a beating from my father.

I stop the negative thoughts and wheel my way up the library ramp. I am greeted but the stares of people, it's not too often people see a cripple around here. It's not just the chair thought and i know it. I myself am i freak show. My hair is snow white and my eyes are dark blue. When i say dark blue i mean like indigo blue. They are a show themselves. I put my hood on covering my hair. Almost immediately the stares stop. Jessie the librarian is really nice to me. She is twenty two and albino. Really I got stuck in the most freak show town ever.

“ Hi hope, how can help you?”

“ Um mm. I really don’t know just looking around.”

“ Are you sure?” She has always sensed something was wrong at home, but she never pries. Sometimes i wish she would.

“ Yeah I'm sure.” She gives me a concerned stare then returns to her work. It things like that that bug me. People think that a handicap always needs help.Well we don’t I have made it out fine on my own.

Well glad to know you have forgotten about me, Nice.

Yeah like i forgot about him.

“ Yeah like i forgot about you Gabe. The wonderful source to all my problems.” That shuts him up. It always does. I know he is not the reason for my problems but i have no one else to blame.

At least i still manage to feel sorry for you.

“ But its still a good idea to be in my head ,all the time.”

Its not like i chose to be hear.

“ Oh I am sure.” In a way i feel bad for him. He is stuck in my head to forever bear my problems and he did not get a choice, like me and my bond to this chair of mine. I have all the reasons to hate my life and no reasons to love it. If only something good would happen for a change then maybe i wouldn't wish to die so much. just saying. Death doesn't scare me. It's something other then the next day to look forward too, But as i wander aimlessly through the quiet library , i get a spark a feeling. Almost like something important is going to happen today. I don't get too excited i never do, the disappointment after is not worth the excitement.

I slowly leave the library, Jessie giving me a sad stare on the way out. She doesn't know that i can see her give me that stare every time i am here. She shouldn't feel sorry for me, She should feel sorry for herself. Shes the albino, shes a freak like me and she chooses to feel sorry for me. Will i ever understand? I doubt it.

I am outside the library. The wind brings the bitter wood stove smell under my nose. I am not going home, not back to the place that always manages to pull me back like i am a dag on a leash. But i won't go back not today. I turn my chair towards the hell i call home. Yeah that was only wishful thinking. Do i have any other place to go?”

hell would be better but there is never enough room with all the gang members and people who actually deserve to go to hell. So my guess would be no there is no other place for you to go. How about that .

“ No one asked you.”

Then who did you ask?

“ God kill me now please!” I have never been religious. God is just a word to me and it comes up in my vocabulary. a lot.

Now, now there's no need to think like that.

“Are you trying to get me to hate you cause its working very well?”

Actually yes i am. I know more than you think about our current situation you are just too busy feeling sorry for yourself to listen. As usual.

“Fine now i am listening. What do you know about our current situation that i don’t know?” I roll my eyes and hope he gets this over with soon i am in no mood to listen to his s**t.

Wish me out of your head hard enough and i will be, But you really have to mean it.

“ What. and you didn’t tell me this like when i was four because...?” I let the question linger.

Because you never listen to what i have to say and you were a really stupid four year old. well I can’t tell you much i am not aloud too, but i can tell you that i am and was an actual person at one point. Just really wish me out of your head, please right now.

“ how?” I can hear the longing in his voice and something like my intuition makes me believe him. like i was meant too.

Have you ever tried to picture what i might look like?

“ no”

try

And i do. It just comes over me. The feeling that maybe hes is an actual person . The image just comes. Then there is pain. Its not a lot but just enough to count as a massive headache. It feels like something is trying to push its way out of my head. In a way there is. I know now he is telling me the truth. I can feel him slowly becoming something next to me, his soul pushing its way next to mine ,filling the empty space. I have hope now a hope i have never had before. Could he change me so much? Yes he can , he has. My heart is racing , I can feel him draw from my strength to push himself from my head, my prison. I can feel his pain, His anger, His happiness and his love. He is a very loving person. Amazing. His soul is pure of sin, why is he being punished? Why was he put inside my head? I am left with these questions because suddenly my legs are tingling, a sensation i haven’t felt in a while. He has changed me. again. Will i ever stop owing him something? Probably not. I know that i have to thank him, i know that he was me and i him but how do you know something without seeing it. There are so many things that are rolling around in my head right now. The pain is gone and i am breathing slowly, my eyes closed.

“Hope?” I keep my eyes closed. I am afraid that if i open them my legs will return to uselessness. i feel a hand on my shoulder, the hand shocks me back to reality and i am forced to open my eyes.ts funny how i am not surprised to find him standing next to me. My reaction on the other hand is surprising.

“ how the hell did I do that?” Of course i just naturally get out of my chair. Then i kick it as far away from me as possible. “ What the hell am I and why aren't you in my head.?” Well duh i know the answer. Why am i angry?i ask myself. Stupid , stupid me.

“ hope calm down please. just listen to me.”

“ No.” i couldn't take the longing and sadness rolling off him, also the pity. I run, Because i know i can, because of him. I remember the weird feelings i felt when i was getting him out of my head. He’s changed me, but i need to let the change happen. I am scared that's all i know. Confusion is around me. I drop to my knees on the dirt road. My heart is pounding and my head is racing. Gabriel is there in a second, not mad at me mad at himself, Why? His hand is on my shoulder and i grasp it.

“ calm down hope, for both of us not just me or you for both of us . please” As his words tumble out of his mouth i realize that i can feel him like i was him. I can feel his hand on my shoulder as if it was my hand but i can still feel me like two bodies in one. A unison. His mind was racing just as much as mine. I take a deep breath. I can do this, I can save Gabriel because he saved me. I owe him at least that.

Chapter two:

She is the most stubborn girl i have ever meet and i have meet a lot of them. She is not throwing what looks like a fit but i know better, i can feel how her heart is pounding and her head becoming overwhelmed by the noise and energy as it fills her with no way out. I can feel it because i am still part of her. She is on her knees on the sidewalk. The only reason she can walk is because i can walk. the only reason shes is alive is because i am dead. It fills me with sorrow,but i push it down for her. She needs to stop panicking. she is hyperventilating. I can feel confusing take over me, but it is not me it is her i have to remember, for her. I put my hand on her shoulder. I am expecting her to brush it off but she doesn't she puts her hand on top of mine.

“ calm down hope, for both of us not just me or you for both of us . please” She stares at me, her eyes glare a hole in my heart so she can fill it. Her eyes are a striking Cobalt blue, like the ocean at night, I can feel her heart pound in my chest next to mine. I can feel her mind slow in mine. She is apart of me and i am apart of her. Her skin is cold, like snow cold, she is a monster to the human race but a goddess to the angles, the earth born race. My race. She doesn't know that she is not human. I can’t tell her to ease her from her questions. It pains me to see her suffer but she will suffer more if she knows. I have to keep her hidden from the rest. The darkness to being part of my world, being the world. She is still looking at me and i am looking at her. she knows that i think he's superior to the biggest purest diamond. She knows the depth of my feelings for her. I know the shallowness of her feeling for me. i know that she will never feel the same deepness. I know that she will hate me because i am keeping secrets from her. I take my free hand and help her off the ground.She is shaky on her legs. I choose this moment to blame myself for everything bothering her right now, Which i know, it is a very bad habit but i do it anyway. Her problems are her problems but i choose to make them mine too, just so she doesn't have to face them alone.

“ Gabe what are we going to do now?” Her question pulls me out of my thoughts.

“ I don’t know, i guess we go home.” I say home cause her home is my home. that's what i get for being in her head for so long.

“ I am not going back, now that i can walk i am going to walk away from home and never go back. Go if you want to but i won't.”

“ then why did you ask me what to do?”

“ just to hear you talk. i hate silence” I do too, but that's beside the point. I really have no clue what to do now. I have broken too many rules already.Will my master be able to find me now that i am out of hopes mind? will he kill me like he said he would? Can he kill me again? will Avaria let him? I have too many questions to answer hopes. she had to know but she will suffer. God this is confusing

“ Well then pick a direction and keep walking” even i don’t know half of what i am talking about.

Me and hope have been walking straight for two hours now. We choose to go south i don’t know why she choose to go toward my home land, but she did. She is amazingly fit for someone who has been in a wheelchair for the past year. I guess the changes are coming a lot sooner then i thought. we are now entering a new town. I wonder if her father has noticed she is gone? Its a shame that she won’t talk to me but i can hear her thoughts clear as day. She wishes that someone would save her from the fate her mother died to protect. Her fate to bring hope by death. the thing she failed to do. i wish she would understand that i have just as many questions as her but or matters i cannot speak about or even think about, but how could i hide so much from her. I catch myself, I look to hope as she walks with the grace of a falling feather .My breath catches in my chest, she known she can feel what i am thinking. I can feel her soul snuggled up tight in that tiny space next to mine. I can feel it embrace me. AS i look at her i know i can no longer hurt her even if she doesn't know it. I stride up next to her and take her hand. She takes mine without hesitation. We are walking along a woods line now, staying on that straight course home. She feels the pull, she feels home. Her hand is frosty in mine, cold like glacier water, she will grow to do amazing things once she is home.

Chapter 3

I am walking next to Gabriel, holding his hand. I can feel a great relief, i am leaving this life behind and finding a new one, yet i can't get rid of this feeling that i am finally going home. I was never home and now i am going back. We walk on a one way path to nowhere and i am going home. I am so confused. I can’t take the silence so i speak.

“ Gabe, why don’t you tell me how you got in my head now that you're out.”

“ Its not that easy to explain.”

“ We have a long time to make it easy.” I look in his eyes, they are night blue like mine. His hair is black, not a dull boring black, but a shiny flowing fluid like black. the kind of black you can’t find the beginning or end to.

“ well, something put me there. Her name is Avaria. she is cruel and mean. She is hiding me from my master because she wants to use my powers for her own gain.My master wants to kill me to keep other people from getting a hold of me, but i cant be killed because i am already dead. i was never alive. I used to have wings but i lost them when i went into hiding.” He went silent. I can feel secrets wave off him. He is hiding more than himself.

“ That just leaves me with more questions, but i can see you can’t tell me for some reason, so i will control my cat like curiosity and save my death for another day.” I don’t really know where that came from but it came out of my mouth before i could think about it.

“ Interesting way to put it.”

“ I know right?” He smiles, then i think, its the first smile i have ever seen on him, and i don’t want it to be the last. I will always remember this smile. he squeezes my hand softly and we keep walking , for once i enjoy the silence, even our rhythmic steps fail to make noise. Strange?

Its funny how i choose not to pry, usually i would have interrogated him until he gave in or tried to kill me, but again something told me it was not a good idea. The feeling was so strong that i listened. things have been really weird lately. We have been walking all day hand in hand, The silence , it seems is a least peaceful when he is near me. When he is more than three or four feet away from me the panic returns and i find myself confused. I return to normalcy in his arms asleep or crying. He is always holding my hand now to prevent the panic from coming. Why is it that he seems more controlled than me if we are truly one then shouldn't i be able to handle the panic?

“ Hope i think we should rest for the night.” We have been walking straight for six hours and a huge long stretch of forest is coming up. He knows i am tired, but i want to keep moving.

“ Sure let's find a place to sleep,i guess”

“ We can keep going if you want to”

“ No it okay, We’ll stop i can feel that you're tired”

“I love you” I don’t answer I can’t i am in too much shock. My throat becomes dry. He is looking at me with the most sincere expression. How long has he loved me?

“ I love you too” Did i just say that? Yes i did and it’s true. I have loved him for a while. His hand was heavy in mine and the sensation of his skin touching mine is like fire. Or maybe it is like ice, right now i don’t know anything. I look at his eyes, his indigo eyes reflecting mine perfectly so they look like one pair. I can feel his erratic new heart beat inside my chest. He takes my hood off, his thumb caressing my cheek in the motion. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. We are close now, our foreheads touching. I move the tips of my fingers along the smooth edge of his collar bone. My eyes trace the soft edge of his mouth. He lets go of my hand and he puts his arm around my waist. His body is warm and sturdy against mine. I discover that my head fits perfectly in the gentle curve of his neck.His neck is cool against my cheek. His pulse is slow and rhythmic. I am no longer in denial, that's whats wrong. I am denying who i am, What i am. I am going to embrace this change with hope. I am going to go one step at a time, something I haven’t done in a while. I feel my lips tug into a smile. nuzzling my head farther into his neck i sigh. My fingers move from his collar bone to his jaw. I am not scared but i wish i was. I wish not everything was alright because then i would not have to lose this little bubble of happiness. Gabriel pulls me closer and lays his forehead on my temple. He wants to be close to me. I want to be inside him. I want to be resting right next to his heart. The strong beat my lullaby.

“ Gabriel we need to find a place to camp.” I don’t want to let go of him, but i do. I am sure not to let go of his hand. We walk about a hundred yards into the woods and find a huge pine tree. The last layer of branches touches the ground,but when we crawl underneath them there is almost enough room to stand. The ground is completely dry and covered with soft needles. I hand Gabe my sweatshirt and peel off my t- shirt. Now i am in a tank top. I can feel Gabe's eyes trace the contours of my waist, And of course i don’t mind. It is a very warm night. Gabe takes off his shirt and I hand him mine. I also take off my jeans and hand those to him. I am now in a tank top and my underwear. Gabe takes and bundles our clothes together and stuffs them into the branches of the tree. We are completely comfortable with the whole routine, we have been doing it for the past twelve years. He lays down and I curl up next to him There is a gentle breeze that tickles my skin as it passes.

“ Hope where are we going?”

“ Home, I think.”

“ How do you know where home is?”

“ Home is where i can be myself and not get people hurt. Home is where I can where my hair down and uncovered and not get looked at.” Gabe then processed to take the hair tie out of my hair.It falls lose an covers the ground behind me like freshly fallen snow.

“ You can where your hair down when ever you want to. No one can tell you you can’t.”

“ It’s not that they tell me to put it up is that when ever its down and uncovered they stare at it with their mouths hanging open like demented fish.” I hear him chuckle.

“ I think they are staring in awe hope, not because they think your hair is wired.”

“ Why would they stare in awe.”

“ because your hair is unique and beautiful”

“ really?”

“ yeah” i smile a laugh a little.

“ Could’a told me that before i shaved my head when i was twelve.”

“ You are lucky that it all grew back they next day.”