Dear Daddy

For my father.

Dear Daddy,

Theere are so many things I wanted to tell you.

So many joys and sorrows I wanted to share. 

   Your heart for me to know. 

I long for you to feel the affects of your absence in the trace of your presence.

With you- So many light years away,

  But I can still feel your embrace from heaven.

Your spirit is in my shadows watching my every move. 

Helping to keep me safe with my own free will. 

You were imperfectly perfect.

A master mechanic.

Using cars as a release from the monsters at your home sted. 

Crashing plates and flying fists were your nightmare lullabies.

Alcoholocs and their tantrics enforcing their tantrums your ways,

Bloody faces, Bruised ribs.. no wonder why you didnt stay.

But the demons of your past,

Knew how to rip their ways into the holes of your soul.

Taking presence in your present...

   The addiction of your parents-

      Became the 18 pack a day coors light ball and chain attached to the soul surrounding your ankles.

But I am not mad.

Maybe... Just a little hurt,

Because I had the opportunity to turn your affliction into my life long addiction.

A family heritage,

Passed down,

Generation after generation.. Alocoholism.

But we had each others backs.

As I held your hand on our death bed,

   and wispered... everythings gonna be all right.

That night may have been last nigt I held your hand,

As your soul dimmed from your physical life,

But it was so your soul could take the flight,

To become the guardian angel at my bedside.

You knew...

   You knew you had to die so I could be reborn again.

So I could discover how to live and let in.

And now... my thought of you may now be fond memories,

  At least in my heart you are living.

Unlimited rounds of coca cola, with a cherry inside,

Dart boards until our hands got sore,

   And ice cream until we got sick.

Or how about the time I got lost in the swap meet,

   And you got us lost in TJ.

Your cancer never fazed me. 

Your clostomy bag... I chose to see...

   So as a child I could understand the severity of your drinking habits...

   And still love you unconditionally.