The End...

How a few significant events brought to an abrupt stop the end of a lifestyle, and the birthing of another...

 

The End…

 

My Herbal Chapter has closed

After 6 years

Of growing, hustlin’ , dealing on the streets,

Meetin’ people and thugs I never wanted to meet

As they consistently lied, cheated and stole

 

Although I knew what they were doin’

But was to busy playin my role

Making dough off sellin’ smoke pheens hydro

Getting them high

While the whole time I felt guilty for my crimes

Kicking them to the back of my mind

Smothering guilt with ignorance

Trying to find whatever justification I could

With a fucked up rational for keeping this middle class white boy in the hood

 

I was hooked

Consumed by greed

And had found a way to take care of my living necessities’

While still being able to spend money lavishly

Since I knew I’d be making twice as much today

And 3 times as much tomorrow

I didn’t care

I was comfortably numb to sorrow

Since I had plenty of practice dealing with that most of my life

It was a great escape

A way for me to pass the days

Sittin’ back relaxin’ on my couch getting high

A lifestyle I was perfectly content with

But it was a lifestyle of a criminal misfit and that’s not me

Unfortunately it took a rat

Making me sound like I was the BIG cheese

Opening his BIG mouth to the police

Forcing me to see the error of my ways

 

They hit hard

Like I was the BIG patron

The BIG source

As the DEA began flippin’ my beds

And throwin’ s**t all over my studio room

Taking whatever they please

Watches, bills, and you better believe they took every single penny

Leaving me with absolutely no money

Except for what I had in my bank account

 

 

It was a new beginning

A revelation if that’s what you wanna call it

I stepped back and became introspective

I started an investigation on myself

And I don’t think the detectives could have been any more thorough

Burrowing through morals, values, and beliefs

There became an epiphany realization

That I was no longer Lalli as I once knew

But Lalli from the streets

And I’ll tell ya

That wasn’t kosher with me

Now I knew it wasn’t going to be easy

And this is when I thank god for poetry

Because I needed to start rebuilding personal philosophies

That could only be found by writing them down

Sorting them out, sifting through the confusion

Making sense

From doubt

 

The courts gave me a year

Before the decision would come to slap me with five felonies

Now, they’re slammin’ the mallot

And I’m prayin’ for mercy

That their judgment comes without malice

I’m hopin’ they see there is true remorse

Not because I say there is

But from my actions

I supplemented my income double time

Checked myself into counseling

And substituted my hobby, with poetry

I’ve devoted the last year of my life

To a mission

I started before I was hit with this strife

Since I had already realized that to write

Was my passion

Coming from an experience of divine intervention

3 months before my arrest

I had begun an attempt to move on

It just so happened

That I got a swift kick from Uncle Tom

But this whole s****y experience

thankfully helped shape me into what I needed to become

So this herbal chapter is closed

Into the birthing of a poet exposed

Reviews

[Brette Medb]

Wow. This was spectacular! The flow and the highlighting of certain words pushed through so many meanings, emotions and thoughts all at the same time. I know so many people who make all their money selling on the streets and they think themselves indestructable, untouchable by the law. Truly great write!


Brette

[[untitled]]

I love the last 2 lines. This is really good and it makes me feel your guilt. Good piece

[Poeticpiers]

A self revelatory piece of excellent writing my friend. I think perhaps it could be expanded into a novel / POetry has been he saving of more than one mixed up dude.

[vanishing]

lalli,
What an absolute touching story
and Wow..
Sad and inspiring at the same time
Writings like this are what revelations
are made of
well done. the true birthing
of a poet indeed.
Loved it!