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Still a work in progress. Just an example of some of my free-writing.

Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Gregory gave a tense sigh while rolling out of bed. Every morning at 5 am he drank his morning tea while soaking in the new day presented to him. When he was finished, he could see that his wife was still stretched over the entirety of their bed. He would then take his morning swim in the lake behind their house. The water always seemed to push him into a good mood. It was one of the items on his daily itinerary that he enjoyed.
    After finishing his swim, Gregory got dressed for work. Alice, his wife, would always wake up while he was putting his shoes on. “Whew! Do you ever wear socks, darling” she always would ask in a teasing manner. Faking his amusement Gregory would always respond, “I guess I am not wearing enough.” She would give him a respectable peck on the lips, and then slap his buttocks for “good luck” as he walked out the door.
     Remedies and Such was the store Gregory Greene worked. He sold an assortment of drugs that would cure any ailment his customers were experiencing. For pain remedies, he would grind the poppies he grew from home. Customers suffering heartache or headaches were given moonshine and whiskey. He gave the customers with burns or rashes oatmeal and honey. Whatever his customers needed he knew exactly what to prescribe them. He used to take joy from helping those in need. Gregory used to take joy in life. A few years ago, the owner hired a young woman to handle money. She knew everything about everybody.
Betsy, the new cashier, took pride in her nosey habits. Her so-called “knowledge” gave her a grandiose sense of confidence.  After a few weeks of working with Gregory, she began to tell him how to do his job. “Opium doesn’t do anything for pain. It doesn’t do what sleeping can do for you… If you mix eucalyptus extract with mucus it will explode. In fact, that’s what makes people think that the sinuses are cleared when rubbing it in their noses.” Her comments became more and more extreme. Gregory’s reactions to her arrogance and ignorance varied from insane laughter to picturing him shoving his garden spade down her throat, then burying Betsy’s lifeless body in his garden.
Once his 8 am to 5 pm shift ended, Gregory Greene rushed home to tend to his garden. His garden relieved him from his stresses and worries of the world. The pungent smell of assorted herbs, flowers, fruits, and vegetables were proof that he had a talent for botany. Occasionally, he would make adjustments to his garden’s layout, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary during his daily inspection. He went to grab his watering pale, filled it with lake water, and began showering his plants. As he watered his little Eden, he found his snake. There was a newly made mound well hidden behind Gregory’s white rose bushes.  Enraged, he didn’t consider searching for a spade. Like a dog unearthing his bone, Gregory threw dirt in between legs with great haste! Handfuls and handfuls of soil were soaring through the air, and the hole grew greater and greater. Woosh, whoosh, woosh! Suddenly his hands had caught onto something. Anticipation about to overcome him, he rapidly brushed the dirt away only to reveal a golden ring with a nugget as an ornament on the band.
“We are rich,” Gregory whispered. He tugged at the ring to free it from the dirt that clung to it. Harder and harder, he pulled! With intentions of dislodging the jewelry, instead he revealed a finger still wearing the ring! Alice… Alice… Gregory couldn’t produce the air to make audible speech. “Alice!” His wife rushed to him. “Darling. Darling, are you… okay” she struggled for breath. When she turned the corner of the rose bushes, the sight before her was expected. “D****t.” “D****t!? Alice, there is an exposed corpse and that’s what you have to say? Who was it?”

Author's Note

Though this isn't finished, I would love some feedback! How can this be better? How can I make the characters more interesting?

Reviews

[Kelsey Schadt]

You create an interesting character. I like that you started by depicting his normal day--it really emphasizes how abnormal the ending is. I have 2 suggestions.

1) The pungent smell of assorted herbs, flowers, fruits, and vegetables were proof that he had a talent for botany...I feel often we think of pungent having a negative connotation. Perhaps penetrating might be a better choice.

2)Maybe add a little more dialogue to add more dimension to the piece. Especially between Betsy and him.

I loved the ending! I was not expecting that at all!