A Star

I need a better view...

I am just a star,

My name, ‘The Shining One’ on earth.

Even though so many light years away from the planet,

It’s too clear when I look down.

There are wars, killings & hatred’

Amongst their own kind.

Just because of land, customs or rights.

I don’t see any difference,

In one person or the other.

Maybe its something in their hearts that differs.

They are so cruel,

It makes me so sad.

It makes me want to shoot down towards the planet,

Destroying the earth.

But that’ll make me like them,

Which I don’t want to be.

 

But I still look down,

To see the binds of love,

Of a mother to her child,

Or a husband to his wife.

That’s the only thing that makes looking at earth bearable,

To see the way mankind loves.

For love they would die not kill.

So, it confuses me even more,

If they’re capable of so tender love,

Then why do they hate?

Why is they kill?

Can’t they just love?

And that too like no other

Unconditionally & irrevocably.

But I’m just a star.

I shine again as the night comes.

Scaring away the darkness with my light,

Wondering when will mankind shine their love strong enough to scare away the darkness of hatred forever…

 

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Your intent is admirable and you write well in getting your point across. A few errors in syntax- corrected below-
But I still look down to see the love that binds mother and child
or a husband to his wife
Why is it, they kill?

[Raquel]

LOVE espically the ending! It sold me when you said "wondering when will mankind shine their love strong enough to scare away the darkness..."

[Calibaster]

I think you meant, 'a husband to HIS wife.' an easy mistake to make nonetheless, as is the one seven lines down where you say,'why is they kill,' I think you mean,' why DO they kill.' Other than those two simple errors, I can find no flaw with this poem! It is great! I just wish I could write like that! keep up the good work!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Ugh! ..maybe a little less jelly in the doughnut. While I do not disagree with the message or the sentiments or even the star-speaker P.O.V., there is a frailty to the construction that is frightening. In places it seems held together with paper clips and bows and the cut of the lines is more suitable for slicing bread. However, all disparagement aside, it does have it's moments.. the reflection of humanities inhumanity to self; that sort of comprehension will take a reader far and it is journey worth the travel.

An excellent effort. Keep at it! :)

[Dark and Mysterious]

Well I wrote this when I was 11 after watching some movie. It was one of my first writes but I've got better since then. Thanks for the review :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Aha! Well, now I feel like a fool.. and most deservedly too. Given that new information it seems an ill-matched set of comments given the historical context. Please, consider doing other reviewers a favor and adding an Author's Note that let's everyone know how old you were and perhaps a bit more about the background/context at the time. I think it could go a long way toward minimizing any misunderstandings. Thank you so much for letting me know!! :o)

[Dark and Mysterious]

It's not your fault. It's just I really like this piece, not the exact words but the thought. I considered a number of times to redo it but then I felt like it should remain the way it is. What happened was I wasn't able to send rr's for a long time. The day I published Trying To Fit In, I realized I could send them again. I really don't know what occurred to me but I just sent rr's for this too. Guess I wanted people to see how far I've come? But still got a lot far to go... As for the author's note the date of adding is of 2011 so I really don't think there's much need. It's just an year or so ahead from when I wrote it.

[SomeTypeOfArtist]

I really like the idea behind this poem, although you should be more specific. Words like "wars, killings, & hatred" are too general and sound a little cliche. Could you be more specific in what the star is seeing?

[InsanityWriter]

Beautiful! I very much agree with the star's view. ;) Very well done. (:

[Felicity's Eve]

This from such a unique veiw-point!

I applaud you for your imagination :)

[Krista Weiss]

Wow!! Absolutely amazing!! I love this!! :)

[CreativeCookie]

Great personification! I love the viewpoint.
Love,
CreativeCookie

[patricia]

loved the font!
A sighing poem tinted with hope and speckled with light. loved it.