I hope there's a next life - chapter 2

tough times, little reward

2    ----------------------------this isn’t a dream--------------------------------

I don’t feel sick but I cannot see. I hear voices all around me. All of them are women, is this hell? I reach out for the nearest voice. I touch her shoulder and she hits me on the noggin.
“Ow, hey don't do that I don't know where I am either.. “

All the women shut up and point out my male voice.

“Can you get us out?”

“No, i have no idea where we are.”

The women moan disappointed that i can't save them.

A woman to my left shouts out” i could see through my hood a little bit. I’m pretty sure we’re in a shipping container.”

‘Shipping container’ is gossiped throughout the women. The one in front of me quietly says to herself “where are we going to be shipped to?” I say it out loud to the women. Some reply with what they heard.

“I heard the man who handled me say the UAE somewhere.”

“I heard philippines.”

“...taiwan”

“Afghanistan.”

I can’t see. My mind goes lorem ipsum.

I think we’re on a boat. I can feel us being pushed around. The waves must be huge. Some of the women vomit. A lot of us are sea sick i think. I’m not sure how long we’ve been at sea. Maybe a day? We hear people talk around the container but can’t hear them. Although sometimes a banging on the walls will startle us. Right now all i hear is breathing. I don't hear anymore crying. Sometime i see strange shapes and colors, but i think that’s just the lack of light messing with me.I’m not sure why i'm the only male on this container. I get that i look feminine but it can't be that bad. I slump down at the wall and feel my face. It can take a fortune to change your face for the better, but a razor blade costs less than a dollar. A bump happens behind me. I hear people talking. Some of the girls put their ear against the wall. I only heard mumbles.

I wake up again. I don’t feel anymore movement. I’m glad. We’re really hungry. The doors open and lights hit my eyes. Everyone turns away. I hear the racking of a rifle bolt and yelling, “Out, out! Everyone out we have to go!” We all start walking out with everything still bright and new. The guns are pointed at our heads as we lead out of the boat onto the dock. Another container awaits us. One of the men commands us again “Line! Line up, single file!” He sweeps all of us with his gun so we all abide. He goes through the line sweeping through pictures, “You stay, you go in the truck, stay, go in the container, stay, go…” When he gets to me he doesn't say anything at first. He taps on me with his pistol and smiles. “Haha you.” He exclaims to the other men with guns “take care of this one!” he winks at me “now get in the truck..”

Only about a fourth of the people are sent in the truck. There’s an lights placed insite. You can still barely see anything but at least i’m not blind. There are guards in this one too. I’m not even sure if we’re aloud to talk or not but we’re too afraid to try. The road is bumpy and the guns make it uneasy. Being away from the rat makes me grateful. Being away from Joy frustrates me. Where am I? And how do i get back?

We’re stopped. I think someone’s throwing rocks at the container. We can’t do anything cuz the guards have their barrels pointed at us. I swear i can almost see down right to the copper jacket. After a few more minutes, we start moving again.

I don’t know what to do. Stuck in here with crying women and two men with guns. I guess I’ve cried too a few times. But I try to do it to myself. My eyes sting a little bit and so does my stomach. I shut my eyes and fall into a deep dream.

----------------------------------------------- Dream III ------------------------------------------------

Gale wanders the forest. No light directly shines through the trees. It couldn’t have been later than mid day. The leaves and twigs crunch under his boots. He’s 3 inches off the dirt and unaware of everything crawling underneath. He is aware of things watching him. Gale wishes that he’d stop being so noisy. He sees the eyes looking at him and hears the occasional snort or growl from an animal. The animals smell his sweat. He sees something through the thick, some light. Gale flanks it, he notices a silhouette of a man crouched over gathering heat from a fire. Gale approaches the camp with a rock clutched to his chest. He approaches the silhouette from behind. The forest floor moves beneath him, a crunch alerts the trees. The figure turns around, it’s a cat the size of a human wearing a heavy coat. His iris’ are widened and this takes Gale back but the cat only speaks “Who are you?”

Gale composes himself but still clutching the rock, “I-I’m Gale. I’m lost. Where am I?”

“You are in here. This horrible forest.” He moves the fire wood with a knife and then sighs.

Gale releases his death grip from the rock. He his noticeably more relaxed.

The cat looks up again, “sit down Gale. I know these woods can be scary.”

The scared little boy sits down across from the cat, “Is it always this lonely”

“Most things in this forest avoid me or try to kill me. I’m glad you are here.”

Gale looks down at his boots. “It feels like I’ve been here before.” He looks up to the fire and notices the fire being turned with his knife that was once taken by the rat. His muscles tense and beads of sweat form. Gale works up the courage to look at what is holding his knife and while still startled but unsurprised, it is the rat. The rat is bigger now, man sized, wearing the same clothes that the cat was wearing. He leaves the knife in the fire letting it get red hot.

“Gale” The rat says, “Even when you’re lost in here. I’m still going to find you.” The rat stands up. “Even when you're broken.” He pulls out Gale’s pistol and c***s it back overhand with his thin fingers. Gale holds the rock between himself and the gunman.

------------------------------------------------startled----------------------------------------------------

    I wake up in this dark cell, sick, thin, and scared. It’s been a probably a few days of driving. Only now do I get these familiar symptoms again. I start picking at my skin to at least try and relieve the symptoms. It stings. One of the guards pokes me with his barrel, “what are you doing?”

“Ah-nothing.”

The tires screech and then the container doors open. The two guards push us out while another two guards pull us out. As we are escorted out of the truck and into a fortified mansion I see money change hands between the truck driver and someone with only a pistol holstered. I wonder how much I was worth? It’s very hot outside and I still have that coat on the night I was taken. Come to think of it, I’m very dirty and I can definitely feel it. I may be cargo to these people but I’m no animal. We are rushed into the mansion, I count me and four other girls. Once in the mansion we are again rushed to a washroom where we are stripped and cleaned of grime along with some uneasiness.

Y’know, it feels like I’m in zero gravity. Especially inside. As if all my organs are just free floating and confused as how to send the blood leaving me off. I think it’s really everything outside that is off though.

The girls and I are given shorts and a t shirt to wear then guided to some kind of quarters somewhere within the mansion. None of us talk to each other. The windows in the room are barred. Who cares anymore anyway.

The guards come back and give us very girly dresses. I pick up a baby blue and give the guards an expression of confusion. The point their guns at me and tell that i have to put it on too. I do, over my regular clothes but then i just get scolded again. I don't like how girly this dress is on me. We’re left alone again. And that's when i notice. Where the hell am I? What am I being taken for? Who are these guards? Who are these women in the room with me? They seem more frightened than I am. The guards come back again but with a man this time. He wears a suit and has a hooked nose.

“You in the light blue, come with me.” He says with a devilish smile. A guard walks behind me and prods me with the barrel. I walk with the man. “I am the owner of this mansion, incase you were wondering. I ran away from Israel and happened to be traveling south more or less. I made a good name for myself. And a lot of money.” We walk into a big room and the guards stop following. “I think I might be the wealthiest man in this country.” The wall is lined with antique guns and a great bed shrouded by a sheer fabric lay at the furthest reach of the room. He walks over to a record player and plays some music of africans banging on a drum. “This is music native to this country. A little animalistic don’t you think?” He walks back over to me, places his hands on me. I tense up and he lifts me onto his shoulders. He then walk down and hurls me onto this very soft bed. I’m scared now. I feel like deer in headlights. “Do you think I am a bit animalistic?” He says softly. He takes off his shoes and undoes a few buttons on his shirt. He tosses his coat on the edge of the bed and finally undoes his belt. I try to think of white noise, I try to visualize anything else other than what going to happen. My muscles are so scared. I can't move. He climbs onto the bed, and then onto me. A kiss on the neck, and hand working it’s way my leg. Please stop. I whisper inside my head for him to please stop. The words becoming more shaken and frightened by each inch he moves up. He uncovers my thighs. There is a look of disgust on his face. He looks at me in anger then back at my thighs. “What!” He says very angrily. He quickly pulls up the rest of the dress and covers the rest of my scars. “Ugly.” He sneers. He gets off of me only to throw me off the bed. “Get out before I shoot you, you f*****g ugly b***h.”

I’m on the verge of crying. I run over and open the door to run away but am greeted with guns to my face. The man yells out “Let it go. It’s no good. It belongs to the f*****g jungle.” The guards lower their weapons. I run away, past the other captives, past the driveway, and past the gate. I soon discover I am surrounded by jungle. There is one dirt road. I guess I should follow it.

Does god hate me?

Wait. I don’t believe in god.

It’s very humid. Not to mention hot too. I wish he gave me back my clothes though. I hate this stupid dress. My feet hurt. I hate sounding like a little kid. I don’t even know how far this road goes. A days length? Or maybe just a few miles. I might be in the middle of it because the jungle seems to be really creeping back onto the path. I surprisingly haven't met any animals yet. Well I can be thankful I haven't seen a rat. Or spoken to one. I chuckle to myself. Funny.

I reach a point where the jungle stops creeping and I come across an opening. There’s a fork in the road. In between the fork there is a makeshift home. A sheet metal roof and mix of metal and wood for the wall. The door is a chain link fence with the basic locking system. Inside there is surprisingly a bed, a sink, and a bucket. Thirsty from being kidnapped and walking I turn the faucet only to discover that the water might as well be undrinkable. I could guess at the contaminants all day but i swear I could smell sulfur. Undrinkable. As for the bed, I could guess at the contaminants all day but I swear I could smell urine. I look back at the sink and notice that the water hasn't drained yet. Pipes must be damned because that water is staying still as death. I turn on the faucet again until the water spills over the edge but only for a seconds because that’s when the water ran out. It’s run out dry, now we have something in common. I look at the water again, letting the stench take me away, when I see something move. Not as in I actually saw something move but more in the way of an apparition. Or when you envision something move in your head. Except this time i wasn't envisioning anything. Suddenly a face becomes clearer in the reflection of the water. A woman. With long hair. I recognize her, she’s the psychic. I forgot her name though.  She very sternly looks at me, this lady in the water. Her lips move and I don't hear anything at first, then a few seconds later the water ripples and I can finally hear her.

“Die.”

She fades away like sediment sinking back down to the bottom of the sink.

How did I end up here? It’s not how anyone else ended up. So why did I end up here? What did I do that was different? I didn’t do anything wrong. I did nothing different. I was just tossed aside before I was even born. This world really wasn't meant for me. I hate it all. But. If I could have secured a path to be just like everyone else, I know for a fact that I would have chosen it. It’s my right to be normal. Do you think I could die by drowning myself? I dunk my head in the sink and try to breathe in the water, tried to imagine taking in every oxygen and not minding the hydrogen that tagged along. My instantly vanish in the murky sink. My body recoils without my say so along with my throat coughing up dirty dirty water. I think from this point on, I only know of two heavens.

You should have seen the rain that happened later that day.

I fell asleep sitting against the wall. Today I don’t feel very tall. I wonder if anyone has ever even noticed that i’m gone. I feel so small. Everything is coming to me now. I’m so very far away and so very alone. May god please help me. I’ll believe him even though the spacemen didn’t see him. I walk out of the shed and take the fork going to my left. After what felt like hours of walking and moping I heard something, kind of like a truck. I stepped off the trail and into the treeline. But not too far, I don’t want to be swallowed by it. The hum turns into an engine and tires working together in locomotion. I see the truck now, it’s coming my direction. It passes my threshold but makes a sudden stop just beyond it. I was sure i was hidden behind a tree, could they have seen me? By they, I mean 4 men each carrying a roller delayed blowback rifle of sorts. They are walking my direction. I think it’s time to disappear. A part of my heart says to run to them instead, and I’d even be ok with the outcomes of being saved, being shot, or being raped. I just don't want to disappear. But im already running into the thick. I just keep running and running, forgetting to think about where I’m going. All i can see is my head commanding my feet to keep pushing. Finally when I’m out of the trance, there is no more truck in site and i can’t even see the treeline anymore. I know I’m deep into the jungle but no where near the heart. Even just thinking about how big this jungle must be sends shivers through my back.  I hear a noise to my right, I turn around but only see something in the corner of my eye. I spin my body further but miss it. My body is turned around and so is my head, oh no. I can’t seem to remember which way I came from. I can’t really see the sun either. I have no choice but to start walking in a direction. I occasionally hear the noise and occasionally keep getting turned around. It’s strange because I have really seen any animals at all. It’s almost as if I’d been exiled to loneliness.I just realized I’m not sick anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m already suffering enough.

My feet hurt. My legs are tired. My head is tired. I hear a rustling above me. I look up into the shade of the tree to discover two yellow eyes staring at me. I can make out the outline of a big creature. It yawns, letting me see it big teeth and big mouth surely capable of tearing me apart. I decide to walk directly away from it. I get no more 20 feet away from it and hear, “Where are you going Gale?” I-it can't be. Please don't let it be. I stand still but remain silent.

It speaks again “There really isn't anywhere to go in the place. I would know, since I’m a panther and all.”

I finally decide to speak up “No you’re the rat!”

“I was a rat. This, this is just to make sure I survive so I can watch you wither away.”

“Don’t be so sure of yourself, rat”

“I talked to the jungle. I heard it’s own admittance of malice toward you. Please, just die. That’s what your two girlfriends and auntie are saying back home”

“No, they like me. I made sure they liked me.”

“Don’t be so sure of yourself… rat”

“Why do you hate me?”

“Because. I hate you.” The rat jumps down, but now as a large panther, and slowly steps toward me. “Now keep walking until it hurts you.”

I follow his command.

I think the sun is setting. It’s hard to tell in this thick but i think it’s true.

Sitting on the ground, feeling like a mouse, i don’t deserve this. I’m still not hearing any noises of what i’d assume a jungle to sound like. It’s just oh so very quiet. I feel like I can hear my beat. If I can hear it then what if other things can hear it. In this moment I remember Joy, in this moment I wish I was back home, in this moment… The moment is gone and now I don’t know what I want, in this new moment Joy is irrelevant. Right now, I wish I wasn’t alive. And as if God was listening, I felt something creep my leg. I jump away like a gazelle and I should’ve just ran but no, I had to make eye contact with this big cat.

“You know Gale, I think some people were just born to die.” It creeps another step toward me.

“I don’t think you’re right, Rat. Then why am I alive now?”

“Who is the Rat now? Pathetic weak thing. Subhuman garbage, should be snuffed.”

“If I’m so less than why not just let me live?”

“Then don’t wish for death!” It rages and swipes it’s flared claws at me, ripping my face. I drop on all my fours and my muscles tense ready to strike back but so quickly my body collapses. The blood running down my face now dripping off of it and onto the ground. The blood covers my left eye. In the pool of blood, with my right eye, I see an indistinct portrait of what seems to be Joy, the Psychic, and my kidnapper ectacticaly waving at me. Bye Bye! I look up and the panther has long disappeared into the shadows. The jungle is still silent only occupied by my wails. I don’t want admit to myself how much pain I was in. My eye flickers and vision wavers. A type of numbness I can’t not savor. Everything twirls and spins, I think this is blood loss, I collapse on my back arms spread out hoping I go to either of the two heavens.

But I’m still here; hell. It’s flaming eye trying to make it through the trees. Trying to find me so it can just hurt me. Getting up is more difficult than ever because I am weaker than ever. It’s not like this dress is making me feel more masculine. I manage to roll over and slowly inch myself onto my two feet. Still thinking that the blood is covering my left eye I go to wipe it to which I find I have just become blind in my left eye. The Rat keeps taking things from me. I can only do one thing I guess. I walk.

I stumble upon a road somehow, luck? I hear a truck, it turns the corner and I am in no condition to run. It’s the same truck from a day ago with the armed men. Of course they get out and point their guns at me. The man closest to me says something, “Who are you? What happened to you?”

“I-I’m Gale. I was attacked by a panther last night.”

“And the dress?”

“I think I was trafficked to this pervert.”

“A man from Israel?”

“Y-yeah.” I let my guard down a little bit and so do they.

“Get in the truck, we’ll take care of you.”

I oblige.

We do a U turn and on the drive they make sure I drink plenty of water and eat a few MREs.

“So are you guys the army or something?”

“Uh no we are PMC’s.”

“What are you doing here?”

“The Israeli is a threat to a lot of people. Lot of attempts to get him but we’ll be the ones. But you say you were purchased by him?”

“Yeah, he kicked me out because of my scars.”

“You're a boy right?”

“Yeah, just a boy.”

“Ok, you look kind of like a girl no offense.”

“I get it all the time, I think that’s why he bought me and why I was kidnapped.”

Back at their HQ which is only a small compound ,probably not originally meant for military use, they walk me in. I feel so embarrassed needing assistance to walk in. They put me in a room with a bed. Once I am placed on that bed two men hold me down very tightly while a third injects something into me. After that; woozy, gone. I wake up strapped to an operating table with a blood pack hosed to me arm.

“He’s coming to.”

“Then just put some more in him”

I was in the woods investigating this well right next to a cabin and a whole lot of shipping boxes stacking up to taller than me. I was trying to figure out how to open the grate that was on top of the well. It’s no little grate either, the well itself must be 7 or 8 feet in diameter. I could easily fall in if that grate weren't there. Which makes me wonder why I’m trying to open it. I think I just want to prove that I can do it. I start to look at the boxes wondering if there's a crowbar inside or something. I avert my eyes from the crate and onto the girl who walks out from behind them weilding a knife. She steps toward me very calmly and naturally, I try to reason with her saying stuff like ‘I’m not gonna do anything, I don’t know how I got here, I’ll leave I’ll go” all while backing up but nothing is getting to her at all. I panic, I scramble backwards almost tripping on my feet when suddenly it feels like I’m pushed up against something. Like my body just froze. I can’t move back anymore. Words can’t even just come out of my mouth anymore just whimpers. She keeps stepping forward with her knife pointing towards me. She steps closer until the knife simply enter me and I can feel the skin seperate, I can feel each millimeter slowly enter me until I wake up

I wake up back in the bed I was originally placed on with an IV in my arm. My stomach feels very bad. My dress is clean. I feel my face, It feels like I’ve been stitched up. Ow my stomach does not feel good. I lift up my dress, I’m wearing new panties and my stomach has stitches on it. I don’t remember being cut on their recently. Unless a self inflicted wound opened up somehow. I don't know but that wouldn’t explain this pain inside. A PMC walks in my room.

“So you’re awake! You’ve had surgery, one the wounds on your stomach reopened so we had to stitch that and we stitched your face too. You also seemed to have experienced severe blood loss so we got on that too.”

“Why did you do all of this?”

“I’ll be honest, you’ve got an inside of the warlord, sure he might’ve kicked you out you’ve got to find a way back in. We need you for this. If you help us then you’ll be helping put down a very evil man.”

“Ok ok but why does my stomach hurt?”

“I don't know, maybe you caught something?”

The next day I’m back in the truck, slightly more adjusted to the stomach pain. They just gave me painkillers to ease it though. I think I’ve been on them since yesterday. I felt very rushed into helping them. Almost like I didn’t have a say.

The PMC who picked up yesterday gives me a rebriefing. “Ok so we want you to get in there any way you can. He probably won’t shoot you on site since you’ve kind of had a history albeit it kind of sounds brief. Either way you’re our best shot to securing this contract. I’m going to tape this wireless microphone to your panties so we can gauge where he is and make plans since he’ll probably try to flee the mansion. So remember just go in find him we’ll do the rest and try to make sure you won’t get killed after being such a huge help. Oh also when you see him make sure to say ‘Sorry I ran’ so we’ll know if he’s with you or not.”

“O-ok I got it.”

He lifts up my dress and tapes a small microphone on the inside of the panties. Did he put these on me?

The driver pulls over on the side of the road. The PMC explains that  just have to follow the road up and I’ll run into his mansion. I do as he says and wouldn’t you know I run into it. The whole thing has been a daze to be honest. I wonder how many pain killers I’m on right now. The guard at the mansion explains how I’ll be shot if I come back. I know I know “but please let me in so I can at least be shot by the man who bought me.”  The guard talks on his walkie talkie.

“He is flattered. Come on.” I am guided through the same way when I first came here fa few days ago. We skip the showers and go directly to his chambers. I’m left alone in the room with the man who bought me. “God you so f*****g ugly now”

“Sorry I ran.”

“What?”

“I-I just want to-

And then the f*****g bomb inside my stomach f*****g explodes separating my halves in the first instance, incinerating us both in the next leaving the room in a hot hot blaze with boiling blood and a face that fell off mixed in with his f*****g skin, blood, and other charred bits as a my f*****g obituary.

Author's Note

the end