She's a cop

Same as HDMR but different guy, more coherent. Themes of loss, defeat, empowerment, and manipulation and not really knowing why you do things you do.

My name is Lain Kirkland and I have a new beginning, wanna hear it? I don’t care. Have a seat, open ears. I’m 5 foot 12, I hate you. I see what I am and am not because the creator so deviously pulled the strings to make me everything I don’t care about but not everything I’d like. But what? Find out in the next episode.

Who is she, what is she, and how do I get her? She just stands around idly, looking around for someone. I don’t ever see her go though. My line of sight usually get obstructed by a crowd or traffic. Sometimes I just look away and she’s gone. I like that she’s mysterious. I feel my gravitas skidding toward her. It can be so busy on the sidewalks, I hate losing her.

Walking around town can be nauseating at times but then I see the girl I like across the street. I see her around town a lot which is surprising since it’s a capital city. It has to be fate that I’ve seen her around so much. She’s probably 5’ 8”. That’s ok. She doesn’t live anywhere from what I can tell and she has the more intoxicating aroma.

“Is that TRESemme or do you just smell good?”

She turns around and I see her tan skin. When she talks I see her yellowed teeth.

“Oh no I just smell like candy all the time.”

“I like you, do you-”

“Oh my ride’s here see you later!”

She waves me off as she walks onto the busy street and hops into a average looking Sedan. Her black hair contrasts nicely with the blonde that’s driving. Just before they speed off, my girl blows me a kiss and I feel all caught up in my corazon. I think I might actually like her.

Later that night I lurk. I feel like I’ve been walking down this alley which can only be 3 feet wide at most. It’s been a while and it’s very dark. But what’s wrong with this endlessness? My body still rejects even though my mind is ok with it. My heart rate increases and then I start to run. During this brick paved solitude I start to think about the girl. She seems really nice. I want to marry. No wait, there I go again, idealistic thoughts about nothing. I reach the end of the endlessness and my head is caught by a feminine hand who then pushes me to the ground. “Lain. You are in trouble.” The light haired 6 foot woman says to me, the way a teacher would tell her student after he did ‘poorly’ in class.

“Why?” I say in a headless daze.

“Eh.”

“What?”

“I just thought you’d be- I don’t know. Anyway. Do you like little girls?”

“No, why?”

“Cuz that cute lil number you talked to earlier is actually 16. And I know for a fact that you, Lain Kirkland, is actually 19 and that’s violating the law.”

“She looks like she’s 24 though?”

“That’s what they all say”

I try to stand but she quickly stomps on me with her jack boot.

“Yeah, I’m a cop and you’re trash. Stay down.”

“Pl-”

“Y’know what, since this is just your first offence and you’re slightly young, I’ll let you off the hook. But remember I’m a cook and you’re a piece of raw meat.”

She walks on into the dark alley. Either her words or her boot was filled with poison. My hearts burns. It feels weird. It escalates to a full body sensation. The familiar feeling tells me I was just the gunpowder and she was the flame. I really love to love but I hate loving to hate.

A few dimes of minutes later I’m smashing windows, trying to spell out my crush’s name in the shards of glass. I don’t know her name. God d****t. My muscle’s have been tense for a really long time. It feels like my muscles are tensing. My feet are hitting the ground so hard that the cement starts to reliquify and the glass in my hands drips from the pressure. What did the cop do? Cop stuff. I’m running like I’m fueled on gasoline then I hear the tires screech, my wolf eyes are caught in its headlights. I can see the glimmer of the driver’s eyes studying mine. The tires start spinning and the smell it creates fills my nose. They catch fire and he lets go of the brakes. He tried to hit the werewolf with his silver jaguar but he misses. He did break my hand when I tried to smash in his window. Got em. Unfortunately, the pain ends my ride. I’m not sure where I’m supposed to go but I just want to walk around more. It’s weird how quiet this street is at nice. Where am I? Another pair of headlights curbs around the corner. It pulls to the side of me with the windows rolled down.

“Aye. Another criminal offense I see.” I try to hide my hand in my jacket. “And it’s only been 10 minutes since I last saw you? An instigator I see. Get in the car. You can’t be trusted in the public.”

I’m so tired, I oblige. When I get in the backseat, I ask what she’s done to me.

“I dindu nuffin.” She tries to cover her laugh but ends up looking back and giving me a smug grin. I feel so faded.

“My hand really hurts.”

“Ok”

I take my hand out and look at the now bloody. It still resembles a hand, but it’s just very off. It starts to look more like a swan the more I look at it. I think all the adrenaline ran out of me. I don’t feel the blood flowing through my hand anymore but it’s still bleeding. I look in the mirror and see her eyes concentrating on the road, occasionally looking at back at me. The lights above me are starting to become a blur. I think my eyes are becoming a different shape. I’ve really hit the low end. The car stops in the middle of a street.

“Where are we? This isn’t a police station.”

Her neck twists back and stares at me with an irresistible smile, “It isn’t really not anything. LLLLain.” Extra emphasis on the L.

“When are we… When are we…” the muscles in my neck really gives out.

“Dude! You are trashed!”

She helps me out of the car so we can start walking to the house. She has the slightest smell of candy around her. “Hey do you smell like Tresemme?”

“No I smell like candy”

“Do you know the girl who smells like candy?”

“Yeah, she’s 16.”

She opens the front door.

“I’m tired of calling you she, what’s your name candy keeper?”

“Emma.”

“When did you decide to become a cop?”

“When I first saw you.”

I’m dropped off in an alley. Left to die.

I’m dreaming of a few months ago. I was standing on a billboard. I felt like I was a thousand feet tall. I could see the roof of every car, even down to the horizon. So many people, and so many cars right underneath my feet. The birds flew below me. The buildings tower below me. I enjoy the sight. Suddenly, a sharp pain urks my stomach, I’m forced to climb down and walk on the busy sidewalk.

I wake up to the Candy girl pushing on my shoulder. I look up to her. It’s so nice. I need her to pick me up. I use my broken hand to push myself up. I forgot it was broken.

“Do you feel ok? Are you feeling nauseated at all? Tired? Even an aggression?”

“No, I’m just in a lot of pain.” I grit through my teeth.

“Ok good, do you want some chocolates? They might make you feel better.”

She took a small heart shaped box out of her purse. She took out a piece and gave it to me. Mi corazon corazon corazon.

The chocolates tasted sweet, less like cocoa, less like milk, more like candy.

“These were so nice. I love them. I love-”

“You should really eat this one next.”

She points to the oval one

“Then this one.”

Then to the cubic one.

“Their flavors just compliment each other so well. You should really try it.”

Of course I eat them, but I don’t just consume, I taste and admire every bit. I could taste the oils of her fingers in the chocolate polishing my teeth. She holds onto my hand. “Do you wanna go walk around? It’s morning-ish so it’s not too late.”

“Yeah, yeah! Of course! I want to, I want this, I never wanna be below again. Please hold my hand more.”

I see her eyes twitch, and her smile quivers like a bridge with weak support.

“Yeah, let’s go walk around! I’ll, I’ll get to know you.”

Walking behind buildings can be fun by yourself, but never as much as when you’re walking with your girlfriend.

“You made me walk through a puddle.”

“I’m sorry.” I can hear her sigh as she looks away. “I can carry you if you want.”

“Are you feeling ok?”

“Now that you mention it, I’m feeling a little queezy in my stomach.”

“Oh really? Can I hear?”

She puts her ear on my stomach. “Oooh!” She she looks up at me “I can hear the butterflies!” She gives me a hug. “I think I really like you. But I have to go now bye.” She runs off and pulls out her cell phone. I wonder who she’s calling. I can really feel my stomach falling out of tune now. This hurts. It’s really quiet in this alley. Where’s the noise? Who is this and where do they know me from? What’s her name? Why does she leave me? Why does the mere mention of her make me like this? Why am I such a cold cut serial killer? I need to break things. I legs feel heavy as I walk, almost as if the glass would shatter just from the tremors of my feet. I break it with my face. I’m really falling out of tune, warping to quiet alleyways, trying to see her name in anything I see. I only see everything I break though so it’s not much help. I don’t feel much better now. At least I don’t feel as bad though. Last night, the ride kept getting higher, this time it’s very tolerable. My arms flail at the slightest amount of movement in the alleyway. I contract my muscles in an attempt to stop this barrage of this pathetic aggression but my resistance is futile. I can’t cut off now. Not when the ride is so high. I realize that it’s not people in front of me, only the blood dripping from my forehead giving my eyes the illusion of a presence in front of me. I think it’s time to go. I bunch up the cuts on my forehead. My hand is still broken.

As I walk through the valley of death, I see people. They’re all punk weight draggers too.

“Knuckle up, you knuckle draggers!” I put up my fists. I think I seem weaker than I am because of my exhausted voice. There are three of them discussing whether to participate in this bare knuckle brawl.

“You wanna fight kid?”

“Hell no, I wanna fight you. I’ll 25/8.”

He just looks back and smirks at his friends. They’re all have bald or shaven heads. They knuckle up awaiting my palm strike. I swing my arms as if my hand were a lead weight and it hits him on the side of the ear. I even used my broken hands a fair bit. I think the exposed bones were acting as a needle or knife. My fists and body were like mercury. I’m a real fighter. Candy will be proud. Maybe she’ll talk to me. I curl up next to their bodies for warmth. I’m so tired.

My dream intertwines my life now. I walk with the cop and she keeps looking at other men and I’m filled with the forced urge to fight them but both my hands are broken but it doesn’t matter because I’m not landing any hits I hate this I hate this I on my knees punching trying to even touch their feet I can’t to it I can’t even see my because my vision keep getting more blurry but I don’t know why man I wish these tears would get out of my eyes and I wish she would touching that guy and it makes the arteries in my neck swell five time their normal size and I pop. Pop.

Get up

Morni-Even-Afternoon. I think. I really don’t know. I need to be somewhere. I don’t want to be alone right now. It’s time to get poppin. I assume all the guys I beat up left. My shoes are gone. I throw up. Boy oh boy my stomach is like a sock turned inside out. When was the last time I’ve eaten meat? I don’t know. My pets had souls. Why do I eat the rats that grow in these alleys? I walk outside on the street in search of restaurants’ garbage to rape and plunder. Everyone must be at work because the road isn’t busy and feet on the sidewalk are scarce. The man that stands nearest to me looks at my face and hand but doesn't really seem to glance at my feet. He walks off and pretends to talk on his phone. I walk down the road to a nice italian place, rather the alley it’s connected to. Italian sausage, Italian bread, Italian beef, Kobe-talian, and French cheese. Not much. A white car pulls to the sidewalk with a cop driving. I get in.

“New car?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

“So what kind of girls do you like?”

“Socks that have been turned inside…”

“What?”

“Nothing”

“What kind of girls are on your mind, Lain?”

“Well I just had a dream-”

“Cuz I know what kind of girls you been hanging out with. Younger ones.”

“She has smoker’s teeth, I don’t understand how she could be a minor.”

“Hey. Y’know when I started smoking? 10. But I stopped when I was 16 though.” She’s talking as if she’s making a point. “If you stop talking to our promiscuous 16 year old, I’ll… uh…. You look hungry. How ‘bout I give you some food for your isolation?”

I can always lie.

“Ok, I won’t talk to her. I know it’s wrong.”

She pulls a greasy bag from under her seat.

“I know your diet, Lain. I know everything about you.” She shoots me a smile that wouldn’t be too strange to be placed on the same shelf with the word “hot shot” but her tone quickly changes. “I know how you feel Lain.” Her hand is on mine. “And I understand. It’s ok. I can help you Lain. I think it’s obvious I care about you. So I know. It’s ok.”

I’m touched. I really am. Dreaming of pleasantness. I wouldn’t even mind if I was headless right now. Infact, as long as my heart remains intact, I’m good. If I die, I die, I’m fine. As long as my heart remains intact, it’s ok it’s ok. I let my sentiment settle in my mind, I think I’m betraying my Candy. Now my heart is the inside out sock, why did I share this moment with Emma? Not ok.

“You ok? Lain? Alright? You haven’t said anything in awhile. It’s been two stop lights.”
“Yeah I’m fine. I…”

“I don’t mean to bombard you, but I need to drop you off in an alley. No one can know I picked you up. My department will be pissed if anyone finds out I made any connection to you. I know what kind of person you are. I know you don’t mean everything you do. I’m just trying to see the better side. Of you.” The car stops. “I’ll see you later.” She gives me a hug. It’s like spikes. “You should leave now. Oh, and make sure to eat. I don’t want you dying on me. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Back in alleys again. I walk to the back alley to dine on my meal which ends up to just be a burger but it doesn’t have any toppings. Just bread and a patty. I throw away the bread and eat the patty which had a few small bones inside of it. I’m conflicted if I should eat the bones or not, I feel it’d be rude if I didn’t. Walking around is fun again. I think I like her. I don’t know. I should just focus on walking. When I’m walking, there’s nothing to get wrong. Why is she here? Candy is cussing at rats behind a dumpster. I can see a few crushed heads and missing tails behind her feet. She’s even starting to hiss at them.

“Candy.” My mouth feels like I’ve been smoking gasoline “What are you doing here?”

She stands back and turns around, brushing her hand through her hair “Hey man -Lain- What are you doing here?”

“I was just walking around. What are you doing with those rats?”

“Just pestering them.” Her smile is so fake. She’s hiding.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I just wasn’t ready. Sorry.”

“So… This cop. You know her right?”

“Cop? What are you talking about?”

“How old are you?”

“You’re sweating. Like, a lot.”

“No, I’ve got questions.” She’s right though. I look down and it looks like I’ve been drowning in long beach for several days.

“Where are your shoes?”

I’m feeling real hot head. I just wanna break her skull. It’s not even night time. But it’s as if the full the full moon’s out, maximum UV from the sun. Total Energy, I’m firing.  

“Quit that fidget, it’s too suspicious.” She yells.

“Nah, you aint can’t even count all of my digits.”

I leap at her at break neck speed in an attempt to break her head. My stimulus blinds my senses, making miss. I hit the pile of dead rats behind her. The force was so great that some of them exploded into cat food, leaving dog bait on my clothes. I look around and she’s already gone. I’m not even sure what I was trying to accomplish. I can feel each pump of blood surge through my skin, veins, bone, and brain. At the end of my fingertips, I have the power to break myself, my I won’t because that’s dumb. I’m feeling ten feet tall. What should I do? Power stomps on the beggars on my leash. I think I jump a thousand feet high, my bones breaking the pavement of course. My sweat dripping leaves a rainbow behind me as I crash toward any alley of my choosing. I spot a few more rats. I try a similar line from last time.

“You’re the hard a*s that’ll break weak first!” I taunt towards them. I’m not even certain if they understood what I said, from my ears I sounded more like a panther than a person. They throw a few lines, they have their little squabble, it’s all pointless. I’m firing. I’m so agro, I’m burning energy so fast this might as well be lipo.  My knuckles as hard as conflict diamonds. Their head as soft as taco shells. I dented his head like a peach and let the peach fuzz frizzle on top of his head. “Ain’t nothin like you seen it.” Ain’t none of them ran faster in their lives. I love this ride, this graceful ride of outward negativity, no word of hate crossed my mind only through every single other muscles. Sugar is weak. Her words are strong. My trigger has weight. I am a gun. I am a bullet. I am a growling jaw. I’m feeling better.

2

Flying low, riding high, looking sketchy, looking quite messy, looking quick. I’ve aged by a few months and my body started forming some bubbles of red, purple, white, and black. Rings started forming on places other than just my fingers. Sometimes liquids leak from deep inside my arms and legs. I think they’re cysts forming from inside my muscles. There have been a few times when I’ve heard a pop when I flexed or ran. I could see the blood and pus flowing under my skin like the rivers of mars.  My brain feels like it has a soft spot, like a peach.

Who am I what am I doing and how do I effect me? I need a doctor without border, without a line. I need him to cut open my back and loosen my nerves. Replace my blood with heavy water. I need to slow down. I eat fast. I breathe fast. Even when I vomit, I vomit fast. I’d really like to stop puking up bile for at least one day. Even when Emma and Candy see me, I can the disgust in their eyes. They don’t even look at me anymore now that I look back. Why do their words trigger this? It has to be their words right? I stop pacing the convenience store’s bathroom. What’s happening to me? The room becomes warped. On my left side. I look in the mirror. Oh christ! Now my left eye is leaking! No wait. It actually seems to be melting more or less. I’m sure Emma would get me an eyepatch. For medical purposes. But Candy would get it for me as a present. I’m not even sure why they still have me around. Loud banging on the door. “You’ve been in there for long enough and I know ain’t gonna buy anything!”

“But how’d you know?”

“No one ever does.”

I bounce.

Right on cue, I’m picked up by Emma but near some abandoned train tracks this time.

“Can I drive?”

“Do you wanna get stranded here?” she asked rhetorically.

“No.” I said more rhetorically.

“Then I’m driving.”

She’s so abrasive when she has her sunglasses on. It’s like a different person.

“Wanna see something cool?” She starts doing donuts in the middle of street. She can’t stop laughing. Over time I’ve been becoming more and more terrified of her. She stops. “I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“Rat a*s ratters are infesting my area. G-get em. There’s a gun a gun in the, what’s it called, the uh, cupboard thing in the car.”

I open the cupboard thing and she’s right. There’s a 9mm Hi-Point buried under a few chips and half a sandwich.

“Why Hi-Point?”

“Hey man, just get off my back man. It’s the best I could do man” Sneeze “Goddammit man!”

The car skids and stops at a parking lot with several blacks. She kicks me out and leaves me exposed in front of these hooligans. I bet they don’t even have homes. The gun very obviously sticks out of my pocket. A lighter one walks up to me. “You can’t. We’re building a rocket. We’re not done yet, give us a few days.”

“A rocket?”

“Yeah. Party high up in the sky. Ride until we get tired of this gravity.”

“Yeah ok.” I shoot him, and the rest also. I didn’t have enough to kill most of them though, but they’re down and out so that’s ok. Emma picks me up again.

“I feel like I’ve changed, Emma.”

“Hell yeah you have.” She wiggles her hand in front of my hand “Not a dumb f*****g p***y c**t, you stopped being a little b***h. It took longer than I thought though. Like really? F*****g months?”

“I--I-I-I-dont’ i shouldntve I-”

“Oh f**k. Right. I forgot. Lainny dear. Shoot. Shoot so the world gets smaller. Shoot so I get bigger. Shoot so I can free your animal essence because I know that you are lost.”

“No, I don’t know if that’s right, to take.”

“Lain, I will crash this car in a wall and I’ll be fine. But you. You will crash with it. Death knows how tired you are. You will crash. He grips and you are oh so weak he just can’t resist holding on. A rat in the hand of steel talons. Boy, you will crash. See Lain, I’m not tired. I’m just tired of you. Get the f**k out and cry to your black haired w***e!” Even now, remembering this makes me feel like a 2 gauge shotgun

There is no one 4 me.

What they got to lie4?

It’s been a few days without any sign of Emma or Candy. Hunger pains. I’m tired of eating rats. Holes in the wall. China isn’t that bad right. I sit down at a booth in the ching chonk lice parace. Oh wait I think I was supposed to wait for someone to seat me. An normal american waitress comes up to me. I look up at her.

“Oh Jesus, f**k is wrong with you!?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sir, y-you’re leaking from your eye. No wait. Oh god! You’re is leaking out of the socket like melting chocolate.”

“Oh that’s ok. It’s just been doing that for 2 or 3 days.”

“And you’re skin, my god! Are those bugs beneath your skin?”

“No, it’s just, I’m not sure actually. I know it’s not alive. Maybe it’s just something my body is creating to compensate for stress.”

“Well how stressed are you?”

“Feel my hand.”

Her skin is pretty soft on my flaky hand.

“It’s like you have rigor mortis. I don’t understand, what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing much, everything’s going fine. Just don’t take stress well I guess.”

“I’m gonna call the ambulance. No wait.” She yells to who I hope is another american “Carla! Call the ambulance, we got a guy here who looks seriously sick!”

I see Carla’s head stick out from a corner. “What guy?” She sees me “Oh god! Ok, I’ll call them.”

“What’s your name?”
“Who’s?”

“Your’s.”

“Oh. Right. My name is Evelyn. What’s yours?”

“La-la-la-la-what-is-it? Oh yeah, It’s Lain.”

“So. Lain. Do you have a house. Do you want food? Do you need a place to stay?”

I am so deeply struck that it forces tears out of my eyes.

“A what?”

“Lain, are you ok?”

“I never wanna be alone.” I can’t stop crying, oh god I can’t stop crying. Let me go, just let me go. But I really don’t wanna ever go.

“Please stay seated while the ambulance gets here. I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

I stand up. Something pops inside me. The tears are turning yellow with red glints. I bounce. She follows me outside the restaurant. “Stop following me! Please stop! I hate you! I hate you with all my heart. I hate with my hands. I hate you with my teeth, my teeth are blacking for you, just for you. I can only feel hate for you there is no room for nothing but hate don’t you understand you wench, you dumb blonde, w***e. But I love to love and I can see my hand holding yours.” I try to grab her her hand but arm tenses so badly that a few muscles snap like chords supporting a bridge. My hand tenses too, leaving jagged fingernail marks in my palm. “The bridge has burned. You won’t be helping much.” Bounce.

I’m sitting in the parking lot with Emma. She’s finally given me food.

“You wanna cigarette?” She takes two out. Then she examines me. “Actually these probably aren’t too good for you right now.” She puts both in her mouth and lights one. “So Lain. I saw you talking to someone yesterday. A girl. I thought you liked that other one. The 16 year old.”

“I don’t actually think she’s 16.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you talk to anyone who isn’t in my unit.”

“Yeah. I guess I can see how that might be weird.”

“Yeah. Why don’t you get around more?”

“Maybe I’m just reclusive.” I look at my skin.

“Ha, more like reclusive-aggressive.”

“Wanna hear a good joke.”

“Do you still have that high point?”

“Yeah. Do you need it back?”

“Yeah, my pistol broke actually so I’ll need to use it for now. You’ll be left unarmed though. Unless you steal a pistol from a cop. It’s probably one of the easier ways to get a gun honestly. And believe me too. I’m a cop!”

“Ok. Thanks.”

“Steal a gun from a cop.”

“Ok.”

“Ok get out, I need to go do stuff now.”

“Ok.”

Cop’s in the donut shop. Just one. Partner’s in the cruiser. Thank god. I walk in. I immediately walk behind the cop who’s in line. I’m not sure if I should even try since everyone seems to be glaring at me. I notice a tattoo on the back of the cop’s neck. It’s an iron cross. I bet he doesn’t even know what it means. His gun is glock 17 I think. I take it and run. Out the donut. The deputy stops doing donuts and pursues to the perp. The one in line thinks about it but decides to continue waiting in line. I am almost immediately rolled over the hood of the cruiser. I face plant, get stance and fire at the cruiser. I could barely see what happened but it crashes into the donut shop. The cop in line calls for backup. There isn’t gonna be anyone here to shoot once they show up. I’m off.

I feel so stressed. My face is tight like skin being stretched in a car crash. I’ve noticed black ball bearings forming inside of me. It has to be stress related right? The helicopters circle the blocks of the city. I think I killed him. Or at least injured. I’m so glad this isn’t the UK with CCTV on every corner of a building. Sometimes I imagine people’s heads has security cams. Forever watching, forever recording, forever looking, forever working, forever on. Forever fatigued, forever tired. I’m so tired. Where is she?

Helpless. I skid off the push me push me to another push me kick me hit me. I am not what I saw and I am not what you see. See my hips waned prose from perspective pop. I’ve changed. I urned him. I’ve urned them. My resistence has shattered but it was never strong to begin with. This is my damnation. This is my final regret. I’m just a child. God give me another chance.

I hate my dreams.

Cop with a crew cut giving me touch. I reach for my gun but he’s got it.

“Whoa whoa. Slow down there little dog man. Guess I won’t touch.”

“Ok. Ok. I’ll just go.”

“No no no. You killed a blue. Now personally I don’t care. But I need a favor. You see, when I started the force I was blah blah blah blah…” and it goes it goes goes goes goes. “You dig?”

“Yeah I’ll dig. Ok I’ll do it.”

“Good boy.”

“Can I have the pistol back?”

“You can have it back once you do our job.”

I consider reaching for it but his pistol is already drawn. Whatever. I swipe it but he just pulls out mine and shoots me. The side of my head is open like the sun when it rises. A piece of skull hits the floor and I see a few spaghetti strands flow from my head side like hair. I feel like I’m slowly becoming retarded. Other metals and ball bearings drop out too. I see the shape of the cop move pace around then finally drop my pistol in my hands and leave.

Headless. Psycho cray-cray, it feel like a crawdad pinched my brain. The pus infected blood coagulated into a hard flaky scab on the side of my hide. It actually doesn’t hurt that bad. I sit around on the corner side and low lighting from the street lights for a little bit longer. The pistol in my pocket. Why was I carrying that again? A car pulls up beside me and a girl rolls down her window. “Lain, you got the gun? I heard about what happened over the police radio.” I don’t see a radio. Her whole torso is out of the car now and she pulls the pistol from my pocket.

“Hey lady, I don’t know what you’re doing. Just leave me alone. Please.”

“Lady? Really? Emma, E-M-M-A. Get it right next time.”

Emma. Oh right. Brown hair. Ponytail. “Oh right sorry. I think the uh, uh, accident messed with my head.”

“Accident? You were shot!”

“Right, right. I know, I just. Couldn’t find the words I guess.”

“Ok. Just get in.”

I touch her face. I’m still not certain.

“F**k is wrong with you?”

“No. I’m fine. I just wasn’t sure.”

She just shakes her head. “Ok, whatever. Just. Get in.”

“Ok”

She look away from the road and her eyes land on me. “So the side your head. Is it ok?”

I touch. My fingers dont fall through the scab. “Yeah, i think so.” I rub it a little. “Just have to treat it like a soft spot.”

“...yeah…”

“Yeah.”

“Where are we going?”

“My secret headquarters.”

“Where is it?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

“Ok sorry”

“It’s a little far away so, you just have to get used me i guess.”

“I’ve seen you everyday for the past few months.”

Her finger’s on her temple. “Oh yeah.”

“Yeah.”

I just realized there’s no music.

“So. How you holding up?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like. How have you been feeling lately. Both in a physical way and mentally.”

“Well. My body has been changing. It’s so grotesque now, but capable of any task. It’s strange. Monstrous.”

“How’s your mind taking all this in?”

“I’ve been thinking about my future a lot. Before I met you, I just kind of drifted without any rigor. No sense of who are what I am. I have a better idea now. But I’m still not sure.”

“Ok, but like, do you like think of girls at all?”

“I haven’t seen Candy in a while.”

“Candy?”

“Yeah, the one with black hair.”

“Her name’s not Candy.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, her name is Alice.”

“Why did she never tell me?”

“Did you ask?”

“No.”

“Well yeah.”

“Here.”

“It’s just a field.”

“Exactly.”

There’s one other car. I recognize that Sedan. The trunk closes. Alice and the blonde have been revealed. They start walking toward our car.

“The blonde one is Mary by the way.”

She has a pump action remington shotgun.

“Sup young blood!” Her voice is a lot deeper than I imagined. “This is the guy right?”

“Yeah, it’s him.”

“Yeah I could tell from you’re fucked skin!”

“Don’t you do that you little horror piece!”

“Oh yeah. Forgot.” She chambers a shell. “Wanna shoot stuff?”

The field is empty. “There’s nothing here to shoot.”

“There’s that car.”

“Oh alright.” alright alright. We all spend turns shooting the car. Half the shells we had were spent on the trunk. I had a lot of fun with friends. And I’m happy I made my a new friend today. I really like these people. Mary shoots a round into the air. We all laugh. “Come on, get the camera out. Tonight was fun.” Mary tries to put her arm around my shoulder but she’s too short. I think she’s 5’6”. I put my arm around her shoulder instead. A flash swarms me. In my blinding i can only see our night together. One word seeped into the crevice of my brain. Doubt.

The sunlight glimmers the dew of the field. I am alone. The cars are still here. Where are they. I wasn’t wearing a watch before. The keys aren’t there. Where are they. They’re crazy. Wait. I see them coming. They walk up and get in, except for Emma who puts a dusty duffel bag in the trunk. “What’s with the bag?”

“We had to dig it up.”

She gets in.

“What’s in the bag?”

“A bomb.”

“What kind?”

“Pretty big.”

Most of the car ride back is in silence

Sometimes I forget how I ended up here

3

The ballers in the building. Fired up. Be beheaded or got, no choice. No rhyme, no reason. Feel them waiting from you. Lobby hall. Violence is my reason for existence. Screamin “where it at?” Come up and get me. See me through the keyhole. Lock your doors. Break it down twice over. Feel hate overflow. Yell so loud even the homeless can’t sleep. Guess what b***h my s**t is bomb!

Now I’m awake fired up. It feels weird sleeping in a hotel room. I find it pretty funny that the headboard is not connected to the bed at all. Just a block of wood on the wall. I think it’s 3 am. Fell asleep at 9. Even the homeless can’t sleep. Where’s Alice? I go knocking on each door in hall, “Alice?” next door “Alice?” next door “Alice?” next door

“What?”

“Can I come in.”

“Why.”

“I just need to talk to someone right now.”

“Ok come in.”

We sit down on the bed. “What hotel are we in?”

“What hotel are we - oh, it’s the Ramada.”

“It has a lot of floors doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, 4, and we’re on the top.”

“What are we here for?”

“Emma just wanted us all to stay in the immediate area for at least 24 hours.”

“Why?”

“Just to feel safer.”

“Ok. So. How are you?”

“Fine. How are you?”

“I actually don’t feel that well.”

“Do you feel tense? Like there’s pressure throughout your body?”

“Yeah I do actually.”

“Thought so. Expect more ball bearings.”

“But how did you know?”

“Look at this.” She pulls out a vile of bile from a duffel bag. “We’ve been slipping you this for like, a while. But we stopped after a while cuz you seemed like you were gonna drop dead at any moment. You look better now, so we’re starting it again.”

“Why would you give me this?”

She starts preparing a needle “More and faster, here we come, white and  trashy and incredibly dumb. Destroy yourself crash boom bang. The final solution KMFDM.”

“What?”

“Sorry, just a song that kinda fit the theme.” the needle is prepared with bile.

“Please don’t give that to me.”

“This is a lot, so I suggest going back to your room.” I am stabbed in my shoulder. “Ok, you’re all topped off now. Now git, git lil doggy.”

I walk out. As I walk down the hall. Face plant. A feeling of familiarity but at it’s most extreme. I try to get out. My spit it like napalm, a drop eats away at my hand. It’s obsolete. I need to get to my room. I want to go home. My arm stretches 2 doors down, but god I’m just short. My legs are already windmilling. 60 in 10, smash that face that through that wall. I see outside, 4 doors below, jump out. Do it. Not a coward. Crack the concrete. Take a piece, smashing through the lobby. I see them ballers waiting for me. Break that face there’s. Drink their marrow. Eat their energy. Oh but how pitiful of them they are so weak. I am like a consumer of worlds feasting on rats. I pick up a baller’s head and say “Do you see my teeth? They overflow with cigarette smoke, tar, and three oh eight bass drums.” He replies “I only see a man standing far away trying to trudge through defeat.” Angered, I make his head explode like 808 bass drum. “I am Romulus and you’re Remus!” Black cats Murder rats. Taking off to the fourth floor, you’ll see me there jumping off again. Do that stuff again. Ballers again. Kill it kill it kill it like you really hate it, tear apart every floor, room clearing with door breachers, the elevators open with blood surging out the hotel bleeds on the side splintered doors, stab beds the elevators are falling I will destroy the foundation, My fists melt the steel beams, I’m stealing the building. When the manager comes out he’ll be surprised to see that his s**t is gone. He walks through door but I’m behind him swinging an axe. His life is gone. Sometimes I think there’s a shooter inside of me. And I just can’t help myself. Hear my cry.

“Kiss the asphalt goodnight cuz we bout take a drive. Drive my ride right out of here cuz guess what, it’s on its gone , it aint ever gonna keep riding till dawn. Come one baby light my fire. Be the coal the fuels my loins. Oh, how sweet of you to sweet. Sweet dear you.” Did she take it too?

Morning in the car. We’re all in it. Emma asks a questions as I wake up, “Lain, wake up.”

“What?”

“What do you fight for?”

“Life, Liberty, and Property.”

“What? Really? How did you even - ? I don’t under- ? whatever.” She shakes it off.

“Don’t believe me. Under the skin don’t you see how I feel?”

Mary speaks up, “Yeah I get you.”

“Thanks.”

I went back to sleep.

“Lain, I put the bomb in the backseat, pick it up.”

“Where are we”

“The heart of the city, pick up the bomb.”

“Ok.” The duffel bag is pretty heavy. I’m kinda scared to let it bump into anything. I’m not sure of how volatile it is. Put it on ice. Just to be safe. We’re parked on the side of a 5 lane street. There’s so much traffic. There are a lot of people. Some notice me and look away, some don’t even look. I see a few worried faces after Emma said bomb. Their worry subsides after they hasten their pace. I’m still buzzed.

“Lain, put the bomb on that median. You don’t have to do anything to it, just put it down. I’ve already the timer.”

“How much time?”

“Enough.”

“Ok.”

“We’re gonna drive a block west to a quieter street so we can make sure we’ll escape the blast radius. So when you put it down just run down 15th and we’ll be taking off. Got it?”

“Yeah I got it.”

“Nice. See you in a few minutes.”

“Bye Lain.” Mary and Alice say in unison as they drive off.

I jaywalk to the median. They drove east. A car honks at me. They’re already out of my line of site. I put down the bag. I look inside. Not enough time. I’ve done my best. I did my best. All I can do now is just walk away. I had my doubts. Was she even a cop? Just walk away. But I didn’t even think this.

Was Alice ever candy?

Mary?

Police.

Walk away.

Author's Note

everything is there for a reason. I think. How's my syntax?

Reviews

[Norah]

I really liked what you wrote over here! It was a detailed piece I could see the image behind some lines. Keep it up!

[Cadel]

This is very surreal and fast paced, but very entertaining. Good story!