The Fear

In order to declare my sanity I must first at least ackowledge the possibility that I could be crazy!

Her fingers trembled above the keys, poised and ready for the attack. The words, however were not forthright in flowing down to their tips and so there they hovered in nervous anticipation.

 

She could feel her heart beginning to pound away like a tribal drum inside her chest; her breath felt tight inside her throat. There were so many things she wanted to say, yearned to confess, and yet it had been so long since she had indulged her thoughts in the written word that she felt verbally paralysed.

 

Four or five years had passed in which she had virtually sleepwalked through life. It was as if her soul had gone into hibernation and her body had slipped into automatic cruise control while she drifted in and out of the days and months and eventually years. She wasn't exactly sure what it was that had awoken her from this slumber and replaced the vast nothingness with a newfound passion and the burning desire to write.

 

A strange sense of fragility washed over her as she prepared to offer herself up for critique. The idea of sharing her most intimate thoughts with the world felt like falling in love for the first time - a mixture of both fear and excitement was building up like adrenalin - ready to boil over. Like a lamb to the slaughter she remembered just how easily she could be broken and wondered how she would cope if it all fell through?

 

There were so many questions racing about in her mind - too many at once - all fighting for a voice to be heard. It had been so long - would she still be able to communicate as effectively as she once could? Would her audience connect with her words? Could she inspire them even? And if she failed?...

 

There was no room for failure.

 

She suddenly remembered that she must remain confident if she was serious about acheiving her goals and so she laughed to herself and hushed all of her insecurities, asking them to be patient for at least a little while.

 

The hardest part is getting started she reminded herself.

 

She tried to imagine a silver path running from her head to her heart and then to her finger tips. There were cracks in the pavement but she refused to let them get in her way. Mentally, she filled all of the gaps - one by one - until the path was no longer broken and there was just one fluid stretch connecting her mind, body and spirit.

 

As if by magic she began to feel the touch of the cool, hard keys as the words began to flow like a river - twisting and tumbling over rises and around bends - impatiently travelling towards the wide, open ocean. The sound of the tapping was like a beautiful melody to her hungry ears and they savoured every bite.

 

The hardest part is getting started...

 

 

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at writing since high school! It is amazing how much you remember and also how much you forget over time. There are some words that were not exactly what I was searching for but I was struggling to replace them with something more suitable. I am open to your suggestions on these. The first one is the use of the word verbally - what is the written equivalant of verbally? Verbally was the closest I could come when I was trying to explain how the writer felt as if she were choking on her words physically as well as mentally. The lump in her throat was like her words getting stuck trying to reach the page and she was literally frozen in that state. I also had trouble reconciling whether or not I wanted to use the term soul or spirit to describe the part of her that was left behind during the time of dormancy when the writer (myself of course) was preoccupied with everyday life and forgot all about her passion for writing. I also rushed the end out of desperation to get the piece finished for review. I will probably go back and edit it later. I would also welcome any advice on the use of the semi colon as opposed to a comma. I have forgotten most of what I know about grammar and I keep getting confused as to which symbol is appropriate in each situation. Please be gentle on me for me first time back on the horse. I hope that you enjoyed my little story (if you can even call it a story) and will provide me with some much needed constructive advice. I would love to hear what you all think! Shall I keep writing? Is there any shred of talent left in me that I can salvage and make good with? I appreciate your honesty :) Thank you

Reviews

[BrightEyes]

I understand what you are saying about the word "verbally" yet I think I rather like its usage within this piece. For what else are we doing when we write, but having a conversation, or telling a story to another unknown person?

After reading through and taking a look at the hyphen usage, I think most of your hyphens could be replaced with commas. So, now you can wear out the comma key lol

I enjoyed this read. Perhaps it was the fact that it was so "real" - no pretense. Here, this is me trying to write. Here - this is me talking to myself, trying to get my fingers to type. A place that every writer has been at one time or another. Definitely keep writing. There is an easy going, natural flow to even this first piece that I think would make you a great story writer.

[Paul]

Documentation
4/2/18
7:13 PM U.S. CST
"My Review of The Fear by LaineyBeetle, a Fellow Writer's Cafe Member"
by PB Jacobs (www.writerscafe.org)

LaineyBeetle

Your Reviewer, PB Jacobs, Introduction
Well, I'm happy to be able to get on with my life, as I'm coming off of a kind of a bummer of an experience. I have grown so much, it's pathetic, and yes, some part's of me still don't know my a*s from a hole in the ground, but maybe, someday, they will.

Yeah, I'm flaky, eccentric, legally blonde, etc., and I hope you take my personality the right way, as I'm well, someone who stick's out like a sore thumb: www.paulgrantharperheggie (My, Real, Official Celebrity Website).

My Review of Your Work
Well, dude, I see a glaring and common thread running through your work. Picture it as a pictographic plane, something you'd picture in your mind, with your third eye, or so. You seem to have an Iconoclast thing going on, mind-level-wise, but I'm not sure...

Nah, I'm not going to get all technical or intrusive with your piece, but it looks good, but too consistent. The consistency thing isn't a turn off, it's just one of those things.

Nuisance Psychology, perhaps...

That might be something you don't get-something that will help you to understand me. Food for thought.

It does seem like you went through this piece with a fine-toothed comb, and maybe you do want it to add up to a particular element of your life experience. Who know's...

You might need to have a look at this, as well, as something tell's me: www.paulgrantharperheggie.webstarts.com

Sorry to be so, well, me, but I'm constantly around people, one way or the other. Um...

Hmmm, is there such a thing as a Powder Princess Personality Type? I really do wonder, as I see this in you. A Liberal Art's upgrade? I can't and won't say evil, but I do think your picture looks kind of devious. Is this what you're after?

You might want to look differently at your piece here, but what do I really know?

PB Jacobs

[Through the Gateway]

I thought this was a good piece, and certainly something everyone on this site can get behind. You don't seemed to have missed any steps between high school and now. Welcome back to writing!

[Jack the Flash]

Hello Lainey,

If you like something, do it. Writing is at the top of the pile of human endeavours. You have what it takes. Bakers have to learn to bake bread; writers have to learn the trade. You have a good start. With the bit you were worried about, this is what I would advise:

Your version:

". . . tight inside her throat. There were so many things she wanted to say, yearned to confess, and yet it had been so long since she had indulged her thoughts in the written word that she felt verbally paralysed."

I would economise, trying for better effect:

" . . . tight inside her throat. She wanted so much to speak, to confide. But she'd lost the habit. The words wouldn't come."

Join me in the Group here to do craft. There you will be with people who have a common interest in honing the skill of writing. I've only just joined, but I'll be contributing pieces from time to time on the things I need to brush up on. I'll have a look at more of your work and make comments. Welcome aboard.

J t F

[Serend1p1ty]

One thing stands out from your Author's Note.
You're passionate about writing, yet want to make sure people like your work.
This was a great write. Emotional, vivid & heart felt.
You don't always need confidence to be a good writer though. I think most start off with very little of it & then you start to build that confidence until you feel you know how you write your poetry, you establish what sort of style you have & then you feel free enough to be creative & let yourself go. So then yeah, actually confidence is important.
You seem nervous of starting to write again, but this was well done, really no faults with it.
Just keep writing & see where it goes, don't worry about getting the approval of others, there will always be those that don't like someone's work. You can't please everyone.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[Sseoni]

Wow! This was great! Very descriptive and detailed! I loved it! Great job! It was so real!

[bluessadmood]

I have always seen writing like going from a state of mind ,the practical mind that helps us live day to day life..
once I feel like writing,its like going into a trance ,i could feel it like getting disconnected from the outside
world,and even if the world lived beside me thence,i would just see everything hazy ,voices almost sounded different
and not really calling for me,or if so then calling in low voice and like not really expecting a real response..
Total disconnection from everything surrounding me..I would feel things the i usually do,its really a different state of mind
then the words and ideas will flow so sweet never interrupted,it would go like this for hours ,after that its like the mind
gets really exhausted and drained,it like i have ran some thousands of miles,and rest will follow so sweet
even sleep will come like i have never slept before,its such a wonderful feelings living these hours in a state of trance
I really loved your writing,and your struggle to bring out the words and thoughts and share it with the outside world like getting in love
and confessing and stripping yourself to everyone..its just a wonderful feelings when you could do that..for then you are a beautiful mind..
lovely write..

[chocolate_addict]

Very nice. I completely understand the feeling you have of jumping back into writing.
I have to say that this piece really did get the blood pumping for me. I felt what you felt. Words are powerful and I do believe you have talent. Anyone can write, but it takes someone who wants to connect with emotions through words to really be great.

"She suddenly remembered..."

[Snuggles]

Snuggles says

I will be back to read this when its not so dark and I can figure out how I will get out of this tree I climbed up in.

I'm new here too.

Snuggles

[Jen]

I enjoyed this first effort and felt your pain! I suspect this pain is a sign of good things to come.

Keep up the good work Lainey - let it all out.

[Micheal Teal]

Bravo!

Writing is at its best when it comes from the heart. Exposing our soul allows creativity to flow naturally. You have created a piece that almost every writer will be able to identify with. I am honoured and blessed to have read something as evocative as this. You are a gift to all who have the good fortune to read your words.

Well done!