Prlouge

Prologue

14 years earlier

On a beautiful planet called Blue Flame there lived a beautiful royal family of 7. The family was greatly known threw out the Realm Of Fire And Water. They were the keepers of the Blue Flame one of 18 special Flames. If you bring all 18 flames and the keepers of the flames together you can summon the army of the three headed dragons. If the flames fall into the wrong hands they can bring out the army of decaying dragons. That's why all evil is after the flames.

 

One day the Blue Flame Palace was attacked by The Coven Of Darkness. They were 6 evil witches and they were sisters. They attacked out of no ware and they were looking for the flame of the palace.

 

Luckily the guardian of the flame Diana took the two youngest heirs and the flame to a different planet and a safer one. It was the planet earth. This action cost Diana her life but it was for the future of her planet so she gladly gave her life to protect her 2 infant sisters.

 

The guardian made sure that the heirs were safe and sound and had a safe place to live until the time to save the planet came. The last thing Diana did was split the flame in two and give each baby half of it so they could protect themselves.

 

This is ware their story begins. 2 teenage girls in 7^th grade at Maple High. In the town of Old Maple. The girls know nothing of their Planet or other 3 siblings or of Diana their older sister Or The Blue Flame that they now have. Their names are Ashly and Mary.

 

 

Author's Note

Hope you enjoy

Reviews

[Avangeline]

Sounds amazing. You MUST start writing this story!

[Amaya Sullivan]

Alright, I can see where you want to take this which is why I am reviewing you a second time and a little better than I did 3 months ago. I’m not trying to be mean, just would like to help and clarify some things I notice. (Also, I love school life fantasy type stories, and I can’t resist) ^_^ This is just a storyline review I won’t look at grammar anymore. ^_~

The below paragraph is great! You have a great plot lying ahead of you, and I would like to know so far, “How and why would you need to summon the three headed dragons?”

“On a beautiful planet called Blue Flame there lived a beautiful royal family of 7. The family was greatly known threw out the Realm Of Fire And Water. They were the keepers of the Blue Flame one of 18 special Flames. If you bring all 18 flames and the keepers of the flames together you can summon the army of the three headed dragons.”

These two sentences below tell me why evil seeks out the special Flames, which is good. This makes me want to read more to answer my question, “How will they succeed” and “Who is going to be the main antagonist”

“If the flames fall into the wrong hands they can bring out the army of decaying dragons. That's why all evil is after the flames.”

“The Coven of Darkness” (great name!) is the antagonists you introduce who are witches. At this point, my question, “Do they have other flames?” This can be easily answered as I read more to your book.

“One day the Blue Flame Palace was attacked by The Coven Of Darkness. They were 6 evil witches and they were sisters. They attacked out of no ware and they were looking for the flame of the palace.”

Keepers or Guardians?

This is where it gets a little confusing. There are keepers of the flames, which is the royal family of seven. Diana is a guardian of the flame. She dies saving the two youngest of the royal family who are keepers of the flame, Ashly and Mary.

But, Diana is their older sister too. This would mean she is the keeper of the flame. I thought, she was a guardian of the flame? This is your story you can have both or you can choose one or the other. If both, do they rotate out whose guardian while the remaining siblings are keepers? (Just an idea) This would probably be revealed in the story. However, the way it’s presented here is a little confusing.

“Luckily the guardian of the flame Diana took the two youngest heirs and the flame to a different planet and a safer one. It was the planet earth. This action cost Diana her life but it was for the future of her planet so she gladly gave her life to protect her 2 infant sisters.”

When you say “The guardian” it makes it seem like it was another person besides Diana if so, who? When Diana splits up the flame it seems like no else survived who was capable of doing this.

“The guardian made sure that the heirs were safe and sound and had a safe place to live until the time to save the planet came. The last thing Diana did was split the flame in two and give each baby half of it so they could protect themselves.”

(Why did Diana lose her life? I guess it will be revealed later.) They have three other siblings plus Ashly and Mary This would be five with their older sister Diana is six. I thought the rest of the family perished. There is one missing? I’m guessing there is only a Queen or King in power then, maybe?

“This is ware their story begins. 2 teenage girls in 7th grade at Maple High. In the town of Old Maple. The girls know nothing of their Planet or other 3 siblings or of Diana their older sister Or The Blue Flame that they now have. Their names are Ashly and Mary.”

I hope this helps where I get confused. I know its just a prologue, and more would be told in the story. Just for advice, prologues are tricky. They tell enough about the story to entice or persuade the reader why they should read the first chapter. As you write, you never want to write what’s in the prologue already. It will deter readers.

This prologue is written like a summary on the back cover or inside flap of a book. If you publish it, place this there because it drew me in. ^_^

Just a tip. I really want to read your first chapter to this. I’d be happy to review only the storyline unless you’d like me to point out spelling errors. Placing it in my library on WC.

I know its long, but good luck!

Keep Writing!

Amaya

[Amaya Sullivan]

This is a cute story thus far. Just be careful of your word usage, "ware" should be "where" and "threw" should be "through". Also, spell out numbers "two teenage girls", "eighteen flames", "family of seven", "six evil witches"

You say "family of 7", then you mention the girls have no knowledge of their "3 siblings or of Diana their older sister..." I thought they were apart of the "family of 7"? I am assuming everyone died on the Blue Flame.

This prologue sounds a nice beginning to the story. I would like to know more about the royal family, dragons, and witches. I like the name of the planet, "Blue Flame"

[Bright Fairy]

The two girls were infants at the time and they where sent to the planet earth as infants thats why they know nothing of the planet or their family.

[Amaya Sullivan]

Oh,alright.