A New Horizon

You would think I'd have the confidence of a King. That she and I would click automatically and fall into a sea of untold bliss. But no, as I sit across from her at my desk she seems to be of another world entirely. Had I thought she would see me, recognize me, fall in love with me all over again? No, why would it be that easy. Why would Denia make it that easy?

I stare at her generous lips, they move quickly as she expresses her proposal for our shipments. I can only catch a word or two, my mind is elsewhere. Farion seems to be enjoying himself, though, his bright smile of a new contract makes me envious of him. His life is so simple. My heart skips a beat as she glances to me every so often, I urge her with my eyes to know me, to want me. But every time her eyes downcast and I find I am losing a chunk of my heart every moment she looks away.

I cannot take it any more, I close my eyes and I think, my mind plays out how this could have gone. She would stare at me, a slight blush upon her ivory skin, a soft, shy smile on her tempting lips. Her proposal would be in shambles as she tries to pull herself together, though she cannot. She would ask me about dinner some time and I would wholeheartedly accept with the grace of a gentleman.

I can feel my lips parting in a smile, I urge myself to stop but I can't. This daydream is everything I would have hoped for our meeting, it was my hopes and my happiness all in one tiny little brain bubble. But as every bubble, it pops.

"Darren? What is it?"

I blink my eyes open, they are staring at me with concern. Farion looks at me like I've lost my mind and she, oh she is looking at me with a softness that makes my heart ache.

"I- I'm fine. Please, continue Ms. McAlister."

I watch her nod, I watch her pick up her papers and push them my way. She even hands me a pen, as if I am unable to make my own choices. Who can blame her? I am acting unlike myself. Who can blame me? I am defeated.

I pick up the pen and begin to write my signature, I listen to them chatting about how they are looking forward to our future contracts, I hear them talking about celebrating. Then it comes to me, I finish the paperwork and begin to escort her out of the office. As Farion takes his leave, I smile at her and she smiles in return.

"I am very excited about working with your company, Mr. Raven."

"As am I. As am I."

We walk towards the elevator, I watch her step inside and press the button for the lobby. I gather my courage, I gather everything I can to ask her one question.

"Uh, Ms. McAlister.. "

The doors begin to close, in haste I put my hand in-between the doors and they bound back. She looks at me in wide eyed shock but I ignore her as I adjust my jacket and repress the lobby button. I can still feel her eyes on me, I can't help but feel accomplished somehow. In my mind I pray that she was slightly impressed, maybe it would have sparked some tiny flame of interest.

But the doors open at the lobby, I turn to ask her, my confidence soaring.

The look on her face makes me pause, it makes me back away from her. Her beautiful face is contorted in deep, deep sorrow, its a face I've seen a hundred times over in my dreams, my nightmares. I back up to the corner of the elevator and watch helplessly as a tear streams down her cheek, I watch as she clutches her chest. Her mouth moves but no sound comes forth.

It as if my nightmares have manifest into this world.

"Stop it.."

My whisper isn't enough to stop this.

I cannot take it, I cannot bear it.

"STOP IT!"

My shout echoes across the room, the entire lobby turns towards us. I stare at them with their wide eyed shock. They approach us, their curiosity needing to be slaked. But as I turn towards her, I couldn't help it but blink several times. Her face was bright red and.. normal. No sign of what had just happened on her face.

I am still catching my breath as she turns and walks from me, I am powerless to stop her from leaving me, again I am watching as my beloved leaves me and never becoming mine again..

"Wait.."

Again, my whisper is too low to reach her. I urge myself, I push myself to begin walking towards her descending form. We both reach the doors but as she begins to pull the door, I push it back into place. We lock eyes, I can see her red cheeks still burning, I can see tears in her eyes but she seems oblivious to them. I grab her hand and bring it to my lips.

And then, time stops.

Together, in a large, empty room, we stare at each other as I place my lips upon the soft flesh of her hand. I can't help but trace kisses up her thin wrist, covering her hand in soft, tempting kisses. I can see her cheeks deepening in red but I can't stop, won't stop. How many times had I imagined this? How many times did I touch my lips, knowing that the feeling was there, that it was just out of my reach. Now I can feel it, now I can relive it over and over again, with her.

Abruptly, I pull her to me. Her head rests on my wide shoulder, I can feel the rapidly beating of her heart, I can feel her clutching my suit jacket. With a soft smile I hold her, I rub her arching back. I enjoy it too much, I needed this but hated this. I wanted this but deserved it none. She is pure, untamed like an uncut rose in a bush of weeds. How can I even pray to be in the same shade as this bright, burning star?

I feel her shift, her lips pressed against my neck, she is whispering something but I can quit make it out. I pull her away from me slightly to find her crying, a smile upon her lips, though they move with even softer words. I lean forward to her and listen carefully.

"I promised to love you until the stars burned out, I promised to be yours until the water receded. From here to the moon, I would love you more than the distance."

Impossible.

How could she?

My Savan, the true Savan.. here.. in the flesh!

It couldn't be but as I tell myself that over and over again, I grasp the braid at the base of her neck, a begin to unwind it. Her beautiful hair falls among her body in a cascade of sunlight. I bring her to me once more in a hug of desperation, of need of a dying man needing to slake his thirst of love.

"Savan?"

Not yet.

"Savan, what are you doing?"

No, please, just a little longer. Let me have this moment, if I cannot have any more just let me be for a little longer.

But she pulls from me, her eyes loosing the love of a familiar to the shadowed outraged of a stranger. A man grasping her, pulling her to him. They whisper to each other, I find I cannot bare it. How can I? Obviously, this man was her lover. In the pit of my stomach I feel the evil little being known as jealously.

"Who is this, Savan?"

I glance up, hoping above hope that she would not scorn me, that my Savan would defend me, love me. But her eyes are cast in a fiery light of hatred, betrayal. I find there is no hope to reclaim this moment. I bow to her, deeply, I ask her to beg my pardon. I claim that I thought she was someone else, that she couldn't possibly be the person I thought she was.

I stalk off afterwards like a child refused its priced toy. I take the stairs to my office, though I stop at the third floor and finally cave into myself. I lean against the wall, I couldn't stop the tears nor could I stop the thoughts rolling through my head. How could I be so stupid? How could I believe that she would defend me, plead to her man about how I am not harmful? Is this feeling of betrayal my own? Or am I angry at her having a man to begin with? Jealous even?

I am angry, upset and I have no right to be.

"What's wrong, poppet?"

I tense, of course she would come when I am at my lowest.

"Upset that your beautiful rose is being plucked by another?"

Her laugh is evil, spiteful.

"Did you honestly think this foolish plan of yours would work? Woo her, seduce her, make her yours again and be faithful above all else."

I feel the press of her hand against my head, I try to shake her off but she grips the curling locks at the top of my head and yanks my head back.

"When will you learn, you silly boy. You cannot, will not have her again. She is not yours anymore. No matter how you fight it, no matter how you try to change it, you will lose her in the end. Your fate, your destiny is not to be changed."

Then she leaves, disappearing into a cloud of purple haze.

Deep within I find she is right, my mind is playing over the many times I've lost. I watch in my minds eyes how I've been beaten, how I've been abused and how she has been used to punish me. But in my heart, deep within it I can feel it urging me to fight on, to try with all my might to free me from this hell on earth.
I can feel the fires of my ambition fanning away the doubts of my mind. If I try my hardest, if I be all that I can be for her, I know I could win her away from him. If I pour all my love out for her, then maybe just maybe I could win against all odds. 

With renewed hope I bound down the stairs, hoping against hope that I haven't missed her yet. 

Author's Note

Sorry for the late post.