My Own Angel

"You look like hell, man."

I hadn't noticed him, I hadn't noticed his sudden appearance next to me, I didn't hear him pull out the stool next to mine, or order his drink. I had been looking into my own cup, twisting it as the amber liquid slid from side to side, coating the glass in its deliciousness.

"Not social, are you? I don't blame you, you look like a man who has been beaten when he's down."

I shrug, hoping that he would leave at my callus attitude. But no, he stays, his deep brown eyes examining me, watching my every movement like hawk and its prey. I can't shake the feeling that he knows me and I him but his face is one I've never seen before. His black hair curled nicely around his handsome face, brown eyes like chocolate, his body relaxed as if nothing could bring down his happy-go-lucky attitude.
He is a man whom I envy now.
How I wish I could be so free, not worry about the lives I've ruined or the people I've betrayed. The amber liquid looks more inviting than ever, it calls to me like as siren to a sailor, it begs me to drink away my unhappiness with its soothing song. I take another large sip of my drink, I savor the burning as it falls through my throat and into my stomach. Soothing.

"Aye, a man who's been beat when down."

I forgot, forgotten my new, unwanted friend. When I look at him, his eyes turn cloudy with an emotion I can't pinpoint. Maybe its pity, pity for a man who should be living with wild abandon, a man who's entire life is still in front of him. No, my life ends and begins when she says it does.
At the thought of Denia, my stomach gurgles for more. It too begs me to soothe it, to take away the anxiety, to banishes the demons for just one night. I should be home, safe and warm in my bed but I somehow stumbled into this bar. Maybe his pity isn't misplaced. I pity myself.

"You're new here, aren't you?

I swivel my head towards him, he is smiling at me. A smile that doesn't reach his eyes but still comforts me, I don't know why but it does. Its strange that this man, a man whom I don't know is trying to be there for me. Should I find it strange? Or be happy that this odd happenstance came to be? If anyone should see the inner workings of my soul, it would be my long time friend, Farion. But how would I start my life's story? Would be laugh? Would he think I'm joking? Give me a pat on the back and ask where I got that silly story?
Would he accept me? Would he even care to listen to me?
The doubts in my mind are like poison, poison against myself and those who would be kind and generous. This new friend, he is mysterious, kind. Maybe that is what I need. A person who isn't in my life, who doesn't know me, to bare my soul to a person that I will never see again.

"I can tell you are, there aren't many patrons who come here. Only two others are the older woman at the end of the bar, and the older man who is now sleeping over his glass."

I watch him point to them and slowly examine the other people in the bar. The older woman is comely, brown hairs frame a full face with pouty lips and large, blue eyes. She is dress in jeans and a loose t-shirt but her form is decent, she is far from beautiful but she is pretty to be sure. Her smart martini sits before her, half of it already being consumed, her eyes plastered on the television broadcasting a sports game.
The older gentleman brings a smile to my lips, he is indeed sleeping over his drink. His clothing is beat up, I imagine he must work on cars, or some form of engineering, for he's covered in black grease marks. I can see from here his hands collapsed upon one another on his lap, his plaid flat cap shading the upper portion of his face.
Then, I look towards my new friend. For a second I feel a chill go up my spine, his eyes are hooded, watching me intently. He is staring at me with such an intensity, I cannot look away. I watch as he shakes himself, I watch as he peels his eyes away from me, fiddle with his own drink then smile.

"You are a good person, do you know that?"

He has taken me by surprise. How could he know me well enough to pass judgment? 

"How do you know? You barely know me."

He smile broadens, "I have a gift for people, I like to pride myself on knowing who is good hearted and who is not."

I chuckle, not from skepticism but from his view of me. A good person? He doesn't know who I am, or what I've done. How could he so easily pick me out as a good person? He doesn't know my name, or know where I've come from.
Again, I feel the notion in the back of my head.
Tell him, my brain says. You need to vent.
What harm could it do? My brain asks. At war with the screaming of my heart, the violent no's vibrating through my chest and into my brain. He would laugh, he would make fun, he wouldn't understand, wouldn't give you a shoulder to cry on! How could you even think of it?
I pick up my glass again, the amber liquid almost gone now. Again, it calls to me, singing away my sorrows, my worries. I drink up, quickly gulping the delicious nectar like a man desperate.

"Try me."

His words were soft, barely audible but I heard him as clear as day. I stare at him, his chocolate brown eyes bore into my green, I can feel him imploring me to bare my soul, to lay my concerns at his door. My doubts overcome me, to be denied again, to be laughed at. I don't think I could take that. I doubt I could take that.

"You know.."

He begins but stops to take a quick swig from his glass, then turns to me again, "I'm new to this bar also, I haven't been here at all until tonight. I was just visiting an old lover, you see she's been causing trouble to a young couple. I've come here to ask her to stop but she refuses and now I'm out of ideas. So I came here, I came here to relax and found someone who needed help more than myself. I may not be able to help you immediately but know that I will listen, I will listen to you and I will try, attempt to help."

I can feel my heavy eyelids came down in a slow blink, maybe it was the booze making me lethargic, maybe it was my own shock that slowed down time.  His words rang through me, they silenced the war between my brain and my heart, they calmed me, soothed me to the point of knowing what I would say to this man. This man who came out of nowhere, who is now trying to help me.
Is this anger? This feeling rising in my stomach, making my inners burn with a dizzying effect. Or was it such a strong sense of gratitude that I am overcome with feeling? In a world such a this, I am happy in the knowledge that tonight, I met a shining star an angel who would help someone like me.

"I'm stuck." I begin, "Stuck between fighting fate, or letting it happen and becoming a vegetable. How can I change anything that I've wrought? How can I bring an end to this curse. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I've become, you cannot imagine the lengths to which I would go to show how penitent I am. But will she listen? Will she accept my acts of kindness, the acts of which would show her that I wish for her forgiveness? No, she only toys with me, bringing even more misery to me and the one whom I love."

He is silent. Have I shocked him? No, I gave away nothing about being older than him by one hundred years, I haven't told him that a Goddess haunts me, or the evil deeds that made this curse come about. I'm afraid to look at my companion, I don't want to see his twisted face of shock or disgust.
Then I feel a hand on my shoulder, his hand that sits there, the heat sinking into my jacket and penetrating my shoulder in a soothing way. I look at him and he smiles encouragingly, his eyes heavy with sadness. Relief pours into me and I smile at him, I nod my head to him for thanks and begin my story again.

"This woman, the one who curses me even after my various pleas to end this hell, is a woman of great power. One of which I've insulted, though I was a stupid young man, I was truly repentant. It wasn't that she cursed me, for I know I deserved it for so shamefully disregarding her but she brought in the woman I love, though my love doesn't know it. An innocent, who is stuck here with me, because of me. I'm forever bound to watch her suffer."

I hear him sigh, his hand dropping from my shoulder. I look at him and I can tell he is troubled, his face construed in a frown. I ask him what's wrong but he waves he off and asks me to continue but there is nothing more. My mind begins to wonder if my story disappointed him, had it not been worthy enough to be granted such a kind angel? Does he think I and my love deserve to be here?

"I'm sorry, I'm just.. I had thought.. I had thought you would have seen it by now."

Seen it?

"What do you mean? Do you know the end to this riddle?"

He sighs deeply again, "The answer is there, you must look deep within yourself. You know what must be done."

The answer is inside me? But how can that be? For so long, I've searched, I've dug deep into my brain and heart, looking for answers to the riddle of this curse. I had found nothing.
Going back, I was truly repentant to her, which would have pardoned me from the personal insult to her. I broke my word when she added the clause to not wander, to which I was truly sorry once more. There couldn't be anything else.
Unless..
Unless, being unfaithful to my love has caused me to bring the even more personal insult down upon our heads. Maybe, just maybe if I live with Savan, if I do not avoid her and live with her through this life without being unfaithful to her, I may break this curse and change my fate!

I look to my new friend and smile widely but his face is grim. I didn't care, I found the solution to my problem! I jump up from my stool, I quickly give him a hug and bolt out the door. I had some things to do before morning, I needed to prepare everything, it must be perfect!

Rory watched the stupid idiot rushed from the bar. He came to THAT conclusion? How could he be so naïve! Turning back to his beer, he twisted it in his hand, watching the liquid slosh about inside the brown bottle.

"You shouldn't have interfered, Rory."

He glanced up to the doorway and there stood, his love, Denia. The room become deathly quiet as time froze for them, she was decked out in purple silks and satins. Her black hair unbound, wildly tumbling down her back. She was beautiful, hopelessly sinful and at one point, she was his.

"How could I not? When I heard you hadn't forgiven that young man from so long ago, that you cursed him like this! I couldn't keep away any longer. I asked you to stop but you denied me and sent me away. Now, I will help him anyway I can."

She approached like a lazy cat coming to be petted. Wrapping her arms around my neck, pouting those wine colored lips up to me, tempting me to kiss them..
I turn my head from her and sigh.

"Even you cannot help him break it, interfering with a curse brings one down upon you. Even being a God does not save you from curses. Stop meddling, he will eventually learn how to break his own curse and only then will it be lifted. It may take her dying a thousand more times but it must be."

I close my eyes, how horrible it must be. A soul being recycled over and over again to fulfill a simple curse? It must be damaged beyond comprehension. Denia doesn't care but when has she? Being a jaded Goddess makes you scorn anyone who insults the simplest gifts. Poor Darren had no hope of ever walking away unscathed from this Goddess with his love in tow. 
I open my eyes and she's gone. Probably off to make more mischief for Darren, she takes such pleasure from this, I doubt she can be called the Goddess of lost love any more. She is becoming the Goddess of scorn and hatred more.
But in the back of my mind, I am hopeful. My heart tells me that he will break this curse, it may not take my help but I smile into my glass and raise it to the ceiling.
Good luck, kid.