Mania

It was normal; I was use to girls having crushes on me. It was not unnatural. Although, something about this girl was strange, different somehow, I couldn't put my finger on it but the word danced on the tip of my tongue.

            I remember on January 18^th 2036, it was a Tuesday; I was walking through the halls of our high school rather aimlessly. I had a spare and nothing to do. I heard girlish giggling around the corner, this didn't particularly catch my ear in any way, it was the music being played that did.

            Kelsey was a 10^th grader, she would skip her classes when I had a spare and come talk with me, even if I was content to play my guitar alone. I did not enjoy her company but I couldn't bluntly tell her that yet she still hasn't taken note of any of the hints I've given her. I hated her. Her personality was revolting, to say the least. She spoke only of other people, what they did, what they didn't do, what they should have done. It saddened me because she was wasting her life and missing out on so much.  She wasn't attractive either, in fact, she was quite ugly to tell the truth. She had greasy brown hair that she styled with too many products that made it look worse. Her eyes seemed too far apart and her lips unnaturally small. She was fairly overweight and dressed herself in skin tight clothes. She did have one redeeming feature, her voice. I believe she was playing an instrumental piece and singing along to it until something broke it up. This piece sounded upbeat and joyful at first but once I listened closer I felt an overwhelming sadness oozing out of it, in a almost frightening manner.

            Once she saw me her friends quickly silenced, and only the music could be heard. I was unsure why all the classrooms in that hall were so quite at the time but it only made it eerie, to have complete stillness. I was going to say hello to her but it felt like I was frozen. I couldn't move my mouth or any other part of me. She stared at me with her callous eyes in a way that could make a demon cry. It wasn't fear that ran through my body, no, it was something else. Something new, it felt like a warning.

            I was in my biology class next week, I can't recall what I was doing then but I remember that song, it played in my head endlessly since I heard it. It might have driven me mad if I hadn't thought of something useful to do with my time. I took up playing the violin, I never liked the strange instrument but it sat around my house for many years, my older sister attempted learning it a few years back but she gave up. She is now in university so she wouldn't mind if I borrowed it for a while. I only needed something to take my mind off that song. It helped a little until I realized I only played the tune of that song on the violin. It was an interesting song, so beautiful yet irritating. I wanted to know what that song was but I didn't want to ask her. No, I wasn't scared of her. I know I wasn't, but if I told anyone they would say I was. I know my own feelings, I am more self-aware then it is healthy. Right now, though, I hadn't a clue as to what I was feeling.

            I figured I should get out this weekend so I went to a friend’s party. I stood around for most of it, I didn’t want to get drunk like all of my friends and I wondered why I bothered to come at all. In a drunken stammer, a girl walked over to me. She kept insisting she was only a little tipsy but she could hardly stand. She kept draping herself over me and I had to pull her off of me, I knew she wanted to sleep with me but I really wasn't in the mood to take advantage of her, normally I would though. Sooner or later she got bored and stumbled over to another guy.

            I was thinking it might just go home, it was too loud here and everyone was so dim-witted and annoying that I wanted to pull my hair out. I pushed my way through the hoards of badly dancing white girls in little to no clothes to get to the door. I had a friend drive me here but he was probably drunk so I decided to take the bus.

I walked away from the party and the music and laughing and the shouting were still audible from the bus stop which was maybe five minutes away. It didn't take long for the bus to come, I got on, paid the fee and sat at the very back of the bus. One seat in front of me was a girl, that in its self wasn't very unusual, it was just that she gave off a aura of intelligence and mystery. She had long velvet black hair and that was all I knew about her as far as appearances go due to the fact her back was to me and I didn't care to look at her as I walked past her to sit down. She would turn her head in the slighted way, I wouldn't have been able to tell if I wasn't staring at her. She would turn to look out the window even if now, because of the darkness, the window became a reflective glass. Once, and only once did she turn her head a bit more as so she was looking at me out of the corner of her eye, probably hoping I didn't notice. Perhaps she could sense I was staring. I saw her in profile, she wasn't a particularly attractive girl but she had a glow in her eyes that seemed to brighten even her black hair. She also looked like she was in pain, I don't know if it was physically or mentally but it made me feel sorry for her.

"It isn't polite to stare." She told me in a almost smug way.

"You are staring at me right now, aren’t you?" She kept her eyes on me so intently I was unsure of what she was planning to do.

"Correct, I am." She said giving up her stare and turning to look a the mirror-window.

"You seem like a smart one, do you feel the same energy from mirrors?" She asked as she put her hand on the reflective glass.

It took me a second to understand what she might have meant. An energy from mirrors? I realized I must have looked rather slow to her, as I was just staring blankly.

            "You don't, do you?" She answered before I could.

            "Not everyone sees it at first, give it time."

She stood up and stood menacingly over me, she must have been six-feet, taller then I was then. The bus violently came to a stop, I had to grab hold of the hand rails to keep myself from falling but she, she just easily walked to the door and pushed open the door, before she stepped out she looked back at me with the slighted smile that I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't staring.            

Once I got to my stop and returned home I hadn't an idea what to do. It was around 11 o'clock on a Friday night.. I thought of just going to bed but something kept me up, that girl I met one the bus, what was her problem? I tried to convince myself that she was just f*****g with me but still her face stayed in my head. I brushed it off almost too easily the next morning, believing it was nothing but a simple dream. 

            Classically on a weekend I would go out with friends and cause trouble after we got shitfaced. Not this weekend, I think I was losing interest in the things I once loved. Parties, getting drunk, casual sex, I didn't want to be a part of any of that because I found it all so meaningless now. I just thought it was stupid. I stayed at home for the day, my mother spent the day at home as well doing typical things a house wife did, I didn't understand my mother in the slighted. She was an beautiful, intelligent woman. She graduated from Cambridge University for law and very well could have pursued her dreams but instead she stays here, cooking and cleaning and other such things anyone with two arms and two legs could do. I have asked her before why and all she replies with is 'love'. Love is a curious thing, my mother loves my father, my siblings and I so gives up her everything for it? Love is purely scientific I don't understand why anyone would give anything for it. I never want to be like my mother.

            That weekend went by like normal, I stayed at home with my mother, father and younger sister. I have two sisters, Emilie who is twenty and in collage for music. She was always the sister I never liked, she wasn't a bad person just she didn't know when to hold her tongue. Sara is only thirteen but acts much older, I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Sara and I talked a lot that weekend, although she often went on about things such as  pop culture and silly, pointless little things but I enjoyed her company nonetheless. I was still thinking of that song but I had the image of the girl I met in my dream. I wasn't one to have dreams very often so when I did I always obsessed over them. My therapist says I obsess over to much and it's unhealthy. I never listened to her much.

            When Monday came around it felt bitter-sweet. I felt like doing something, anything would be good for me but at the same time school presented such problems. I wanted to say I was over that dumb thing with Kelsey but I wasn't, I knew at this point it was silly to fixate on this, it wasn't even very remarkable or strange, it was probably my mind playing tricks on me. Nevertheless, the song stayed in my mind, it was like a bug in the back of my psyche tearing at a part of me and it wouldn't leave me alone.

            Classes went by as normally as classes do, some kid nearly burned his arm in my Science class but other then that nothing out of the ordinary. The next day though was the day I saw Kelsey again, she was sitting in our school cafeteria. When I passed her by going to my table with my tray of food she just looked up smiled and waved. I stopped and couldn't help but think 'that's it?'. I couldn't stop thinking about her and she just smiled and waved?

            "You… Couldn't stop thinking about me?" She said with a strong sense of scepticism.

Accidentally, I said my thoughts out loud.

I was shocked, her friends looked at me, one even laughed a little.

            "No, not you." I said, trying my hardest to sound as cruel as I could to hide my obsession. "That song." I continued. Kelsey seemed taken back by this.

            "What song?" She asked, sounding genuinely confused.

            "On Tuesday you played a song in the hallway, what was it?"

She stared at me, claiming to not know what song I meant and saying that she doesn't remember seeing me in the hall on Tuesday. I knew she was hiding something, but I didn't know why she felt the need to do so. Nevertheless, now was not the time to figure it out. When I left her table to sit at my own a few of my friends obnoxiously asked me what her and I were talking about. I quickly replied that it had something to do with our classes. Kelsey and I weren’t in any of the same classes and I don't even think we are in the same grade, nevertheless my friends believed it. I didn't know why I had the friends I did, I certainly didn't like them and they didn't like me, perhaps it was just for company. I use to always believe that anything was better then being alone and that was why I made these friends in 9^th grade, four years ago. My views have changed but these people have stayed by me and I hadn't the heart to get rid of them. I felt like I needed them, that if I didn't have them by my side nothing would be right; my world would collapse and I would be driven into insanity due to my undying loneliness. Perhaps I was just overdramatic.

            Throughout my classes that day, that week, in fact. I had hardly no thoughts in my head, it was only a time to work and nothing else. It was a near zombie state, I could do the things I needed to in order to survive but anything other then that seemed impossible. I don't know what it was but my world seemed to be falling apart, nothing seemed to make sense in my eyes, and every little thing felt like it some kind of apocalypse. Throughout my life I suppose I've been waiting for something interesting to happen. My life has always been rather dull and uneventful. I envied those who faced disasters and tragedies, they had something I wanted, I wanted to have my home destroyed and have no where to go, I wanted my beloved family to be murdered before my eyes, I was desperate for excitement! Although, it never happened, I remained a smart, talented, well-off little boy but as my life got better I grew more and more depressed and more frantic for the trill I was looking for and with that became more melodramatic, making every little incident feel like it would end my world but I think that might have caught up with me, I feel far too overwhelmed with it all now, I can no longer distinguish, true disasters with minor unpleasant experiences and that is what's breaking me.