The Chess Board Concept

With a divorce rate steadily rising in America and almost all of us having been affected by a divorce in some way, I would like to talk about a psychology aspect of polygamy I have observed that I believe builds a greater chance of success within a polygamous marriage as opposed to a monogamous.

With just two people married man and woman, you'll experience plenty of fights. I thought of the fights and disagreements with my ex Pat as something sacred between us that I should not openly discuss with others. I thought it would be disrespectful to my other person and hence, told no one of what was going steadily downhill between us. Eventually, this led to physical abuse that I also hushed up about.

However, through it all, I quite often wanted someone to talk to. I think girls more often want to turn to someone to talk to when things get sour in their love life. At least, in my experience, I very strongly desired to discuss it with someone. I thought another might be able to help.

What I have seen in polygamous relationships as opposed to the strongly monogamous one I shared with Pat, is something I have chosen to call the chess board concept. When you fight with your spouse or your partner, you are playing a game of chess with your heart. Your mind, your emotions, your words: trying so hard to choose the next move wisely, the next words, the next sentences. Have you ever noticed when you watch to people play a game of chess, you can see tons of moves they could make that they themselves can not see? They're too involved in the game, with heart, mind, emotions and words. So much so, they can not see the moves that could be made that would be best for everyone.

In a polygamous relationship, say with one husband and two wives, lets say that that wife 1 and husband get in an argument. Wife two can watch them play chess, and her voice can show them moves they did not see before. She can understand on levels neither of them are able to, as they are the ones involved in the game psychologically. Yes, it can be hard for her: but she can see those hidden winning moves. If a level of respect and communication exists strongly enough within the polygamist relationship, husband and wife 1 can hear out wife 2, and she can help them.

This is also beneficial because outside of just the two of them, wife 1 and husband, there is someone they can each talk to about whats going on. Wife one can discuss her side with wife 2, while husband can also express his feelings to wife 2 in a manner that is comfortable and they each feel safe. From there, wife two can see the 'moves' and in a sense, can help resolve the problems. She can translate what wife 1 is feeling into a language, so to speak, that the husband can understand. She can translate what the husband is feeling towards wife 1, and together collectively, the three of them can work to maintain a level of family peace in the polygamist household as a team.

Wife one will never feel alone, as she knows she can turn to wife two in whatever it is she is feeling within. Husband will always have someone he can turn to when wife 2 is there, someone who can help him better understand.

And this triangle, this chess board concept so to speak, can exist all the way around if say.. Husband and wife two fight, wife one is there to help. Wife one and wife two fight, husband is there. In polygamy, there is always an outside voice of reason watching you play the game of chess with your mind, heart, emotions and words as you encounter obstacles in the path you and yours travel. This concept, this thought, only increases as the polygamist relationship grows with more wives, so long as mutual motherhood exists between them all and healthy communication. They can trust on one anther, depend on each other, and all at once strive to keep healthy relationships between each and every individual.

Whereas, in too many examples I have seen of monogamous relationships that failed, including my own with Pat: having only that one person there is an emptiness that consumes. There is no one who understands what is going on between you and your other, and you don't either. Sure, you may have a few friends you can discuss it all with. But what vested interest does even your best friend have in keeping the relationship between you and your spouse alive? They may want you to be happy, yes. But in plural marriage, the person you confide in is one also involved with the relationship you are in, and has a vested interest in the success of that relationship because of the love you all share.

And hence, the plural household can collectively strive together no matter how many or how few: to maintain peace, communication, love, understanding, safety, comfort, and compassion between all involved so that no one is ever left feeling alone in their emotions.

I call it the Chess Board concept.

Author's Note

All tactful discussion encouraged between reviewers. Feel free to disagree or agree with my presented opinions at anytime.
Love,
Lady Plurality