Collision

This is an old writing assignment that I have been considering extending. The professor loved it and I hope others will too! It's a shorter fantasy story based on two demensions colliding, the elven and the human.

 

Silvery glowing eyes peered over the mountains at the horizon. In the wind her hair scattered from her, twirling wildly in these strange winds. Ivy was entwined in the long blue locks, both colors offsetting her lavender tinted skin. Her apparel made it obvious that she was a warrior, and an important one at that. Her stomach, thighs and upper arms were left bare. Although to many this would seem weird, to Selexania it proved flexible and protective with its magical enchantments. Intricate designs were cast upon the metal that was now upon her body. On her right thigh, a dagger was strapped, and on her left side, there was a sword sheathed carefully upon her belt. Markings were visible on her face. It was a dark purple jagged design that extended slightly above her eyebrows and below her eyes nearly reaching her jaw. As she opened her mouth, in an anxious sort of facial expression, her sharp Elven teeth were shown.

She was watching, watching the strange black mass engulfing the mountains of G’nean, the Elven lands. The scent of sulfur reached her nose and she crinkled her face slightly. The mountains, although they did not appear on fire, seemed to be burning as they reached this blackness. This strange mass had appeared some time ago. It worried Selexania. It was large, and only grew bigger. Soon it would be swallowing the Elven capital, Caenia. She held her staff tightly in her left hand. A long purple cloak was billowing behind her. She felt lost, helpless, and she hated it. How could she just sit and watch this happen? She knew something had to be done, but exactly what? A hand suddenly gripped her shoulder. A momentary fit of panic and fear sent her spinning around; she flung her staff to the neck of the elf that had touched her. He stood tall, keeping the stance of someone who seemed to hold no fear in the situation.

“Please be more careful, it would be highly embarrassing for the King to be assassinated by his own daughter,” He said. He smiled, his white hair framing his wise old face.

“Father.” She said it with a sense of relief and returned to gazing at the black mass.

“Leave it be.” It was a simple statement, one that made Selexania grow slightly hot with anger.

“How could I possibly leave it be? It has swallowed half the empires of G’nean, Caenia will be next! We cannot let thousands of innocent elves die!” She slammed her staff down and glared.

There was a moment of silence, one where an unspoken mutual agreement was made. Both of them turned, Selexania her mind running on high and Nirwe, who pulled his fur cloak tighter around him. They climbed down the mountain quietly and with ease. They entered the forest. This forest was a most beautiful one. It often caught the eye of travelers resulting in the most horrible case of entrancement. Although this beauty surely should have stopped the two, they continued on; ignoring the magical purple haze, and the colorful plants and wildlife. They had become accustomed to traveling in this forest.

As they emerged, large pearly buildings came to view, and windows glowed in the houses that were lit by magic. She gave a fleeting glance over her shoulder, the blackness slowly swallowing the mountains of G’nean, on the outskirts of Caenia. She watched as more of the largest mountain known was swallowed whole by a darkness they could not seem to stop. Nirwe noticed that Selexania was no longer walking and stopped as well.

“Selexania, you must let this come. Our best magic wielders have tried their strongest magic and this does not affect the path of this monstrous hole in our world. I only hope it will be bringing us somewhere and not killing us all. We can only hope for the best now. There is nowhere to flee, nor a place to hide.”

She took in his words and gave him a sympathetic look. “I do not trust this.”

She looked at him, her father, the King of the Elves who had a weak spot for family. She embraced him in a loving hug and left him behind as she traveled toward the palace. She finally came to the palace, hardly noticing anything beyond her daydreaming along the way. The guards nodded slightly as she passed. She walked the intricate halls of the palace. She easily found her bed chambers, as every other night and closed the doors tightly behind her. Perhaps she would rest, and morning would bring good news. She laid down, the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. She prayed that sleep would come, and finally her eyes grew heavy and drifted to the world she was so keen to escape to.

A light danced upon her closed eyes. She tried to move her head to avoid it. A realization dawned on her half sleeping mind, the sun didn’t flicker. She jumped up, the panic in her body coursing, and the pound of her heart echoing in her ears. Screaming met her ears as well, but it seemed distant and far away. She felt as if she were watching her own life in slow motion. She grabbed at the curtains and opened them fully. Flames were licking at the outside walls of the palace. She grabbed her cloak and staff immediately, and made to run quickly from the palace. She stopped abruptly in the hall, panic tearing at every limb of her body telling her to move quickly. She threw open an adjacent set of doors to her own and grabbed her father from within.

            “We must go, there is fire and screaming. I think the black hole has reached us,” She spoke quickly. She didn’t give him time to react. They had to get out of there. She nearly dragged him out of the doors and down upon the stairs of the once majestic palace. Fire swelled among every building in sight. Only the stone and marble buildings stood, turning black from the smoke and soot.

The heat of the flames made it difficult to open her eyes, and the smell of burning wood and sulfur stung her nostrils. She held her hand out in front of her momentarily, and as she attempted to step forward her feet suddenly slid, with no solid ground to support her she felt as if she were spinning into oblivion. She began to feel her head ache as she tried to decipher which was up and which was down. She was lost, and falling quickly through absolute darkness. She was spinning with no solid ground beneath her feet. She reached out but her father was nowhere to be seen, heard, or even felt. With a sickening smack, her feet finally fell on solid ground. She gained her balance, the pain burning white hot straight up her legs. A shattered gasp was heard behind her, as she spun around she saw her father, with a blistering burn on his shoulder. She took a leaf from the vines in her hair and pressed it to the wound. She muttered a strange language under her breath and as the leaf apparently lost its life, the wound healed.

“Hell of a doctor,” A voice muttered. A sudden crash nearly overrode her voice; the palace had come crashing into a large building. This voice came from the end of what was an alleyway in this world, although Selexania would not know this. The woman noticed the lavender skin and finally her eyes swept over the long ears and blue locks, the impressive height, and the strange armor. She nearly fell over in disbelief. She wasn’t sure how to react. A large tall elf like creature was standing before her, and had magically sealed up the wound upon the other. She grabbed at the bricks for support for a moment and tried not to laugh out of pure shock.

Selexania stood slowly, she had to try and explain herself. She imagined how strange it must have looked to this human that two creatures were falling out of the sky into their pathways.  “I am Selexania.” She kneeled, in hopes to gain favor of this strangely dressed human, “I mean no harm to you or your kind. It appears that somehow our dimensions have collided.”

It was her best explanation for it. How else could they have landed somewhere so strange? They had explored all of their own world and their own lands. The only thing that truly made sense in her mind was the possibility that two dimensions had been connected by that strange black mass. She looked at the human, and behind her. Strange shining creatures were humming along a smooth black path. They made strange honking sounds and had lights attached to their front. She narrowed her eyes. What were those things? She looked to the human, with her tight blue pants and strange top. She was nearly positive that this had to be a separate dimension.

“We had this black mass in our world,” Selexania continued, “And it seems that it has led us here. It swallowed our city, and most of our country. I do not understand any more than you do I’m sure. Can you help us in any way possible?”

The young girl laughed nervously, her hands rose and fell, clapping against her thighs, “Well, Welcome to New York City.” That was at least a start.

 

Author's Note

Do you think I should continue writing based on this plot?

Reviews

[ANT]

By all means keep writing. You are talented and it shows with this piece. The only thing that slowed me down was all the descriptions. Some felt like you were getting too much into detail, but many readers love detail. If that is your style of writing, I'm sure many readers will enjoy it!

[Chemistry]

Yes, you should and I can see why you have problems with keeping it condense. The story is writing itself and dictates its own length. I, as the reader want a longer story because the quick explanation of "somehow our dimensions have collided" doesn't fit. Someone just doesn't come up with that quick of conclusion. The shock of going through had not worn off. Questions of why the king got burned and not her remain to be answered. What of the other elvens that when through this remained to be answered. This is what you story is doing keeping the readers wanting to hold on to the book till the very end. You have wet their appetites and held their attention.

Another pleasant aspect of your story is the very important warrior expresses deep feelings not just warrior qualities. By all means keep writing and welcome to Writer's Caf�. It will be my pleasure to read your stories.