Little Black Rabbit

A short story of a day dream I had. Beware the rabbits!

The annoying rabble of the classroom consumed her mind, taking away individual thoughts by constructing an unbreakable wall of nonsense conversation. With every breath the mindless herd of cattle mooed their moanings of all things that vexed them. It tormented her. Idelisa could feel the foundations of sanity dribbling with dismay into darkness, taking on a image that hardly resembles its twin reality, draped in shadows, twisted like an Edvard Munch painting. Only screams could echo above the madness, the screams of a Bedlam Inn. All happiness was being sucked from her soul, draining her of all originality, casting blankets of hell fire over her once happy soul. 

 

Idelisa’s heart yelled bloody murder to the heavens. Face reddened and eyes weeping, she clenched her fist so hard that she snapped the pencil she had been holding. One half remaining in her now bleeding palm while the other lay six feet away on the cerulean carpet. Idelisa went to pick up the broken half, forgetting for a moment her anger at her classmates; instead she was consumed with surprise and shock. Bending low, she scoped up the object of her curiosity and was about to return to her seat when she noticed something most peculiar.

 

The classroom door was ever so slightly ajar, leaving a gap of half a foot. And between this gap lay a strange sight. Here was the head of a small black rabbit. Startled at being noticed, the small critter withdrew its head like a lighting bolt, diving back into the hall beyond. Muttering an un-thought out excuse to her slumbering teacher, Idelisa grasped her backpack with one hand and the door handle in the other. Pulling the door open even further, she followed the path of the tiny mammal. Shutting the door behind her, she pulled her bag onto her shoulder and looked around.  The rabbit was nowhere to be seen.

 

The corridor ended down a step and onto a landing before a vast spiral staircase. Wooden panels lined the lower half of the walls, while the higher was painted in a revolting shade of rose. An art deco chandelier stood out of place chained to the ceiling of the eighteenth century mansion, yet its electric lights concealed with in, burned brightly in the shaded tomb. Fire extinguishers and hazard signs decorated the walls. But Idelisa wasn’t interested in her surroundings, except to find the little black rabbit.

 

And there it was, on the top most step to the staircase, it sat washing its long ears. Trying very hard not to alert it to her presence, Idelisa walked as slowly and lightly as possible in the hope of capturing it. But this little critter was more alert then anyone could image. For it knew it was being followed and yet it did not stir, because this rabbit had a purpose and it was fulfilling its own intentions. Turning its head, it looked over its shoulder at the girl whom had pursued it. Its sharp sapphire eyes stared at her, its whiskers twitching with interest.

 

Idelisa was startled at first when the rabbit turned to watch her. But even more so when it hopped over the edge of the step. Running to its aid, Idelisa was forced to come to an abrupt halt upon seeing the tiny critter on the step below, unharmed and looking at her again.

 

Hopping down another step it stopped once more to turn to the confused girl towering above it. Twitching its whiskers at her, it patted one of its long ears before turning away from her again, swaying its tail a litttle and leaping to the step below. For some strange reason Idelisa got the feeling that the rabbit wanted to lead her somewhere. An absurd notion it is true, but still, curiosity was a powerful master. Carefully she took the first step down and stopped for the rabbit to move down further in fear of trampling the critter.

 

And so it went, the rabbit would lead on a few hops, look back to ensure his charge was following and then continue on the way. He led her down the staircase, across the hall, thought the fire exit and out across the schools garden and beyond into a small meadow behind it. Here it stopped and stood still waiting patiently for Idelisa to catch up.

 

When Idelisa reached the small thing, she bent down and touched its head tenderly with her hand.

 

“There you go.” She said. “I’ve seen you safely home, but I have to get back to class now. Good bye little friend.”

 

And with that she turned to head back to misery. But before she could even take the first step, the ground beneath her feet began to vibrate. With wide eyes Idelisa witnessed it. The building exploded, rupturing from its foundations, consumed by flames, destroying every being inside. Gasping with shock, Idelisa turned a quick glance behind her.

 

But the rabbit was gone.

 

Reviews

[Ruby Moon]

it kind of faintly echos of "alice in wonderland"
but then again i am sure it is much different
the only similarity is the bunny...but even then they are not the same colour
i think...havent read the original one yet
its just sitting on my shelf

is this a part of a story?

[Roger Ferguson II]

great story! the ending took me by surprise ^^

[Siennaskeleton]

Holy Bageez! lol I loved it. I was so captivated through each and every sentence.
Great Write! I really enjoyed reading it

[JC Fox]

Ooooh I liked this thanks for entering this in the contest! Please tell more people about the contest!

[Ryan McAuley]

A wonderful story. I must agree with Ruby Moon about the "Alice in Wonderland" part. It would be fun to see you evolve this little story in to something bigger, like your own modern telling of Idelisa in Wonderland. At first when I read "...the ground beneath her feet began to vibrate." I thought it was going to lead to her being swallowed whole by the ground, and in to the rabbit hole...

[Jamie Fantasy]

Wow! What incredible story. Such imagination and a powerful message jam packed into a short and thought provoking anecdote. I absolutely loved it. The details and the way you descibe everything is very unique and shows just how talented you are.

My only suggestion is that, in the first paragraph especially, it's a bit difficult to read. I know that you're trying to create a dark and artistic feel there, which I think you do beautifully. I'm just not sure that anyone could pick this up and read it. It's almost like it takes a writer to be able to understand what you're saying. If that's what you're going for, then by all means, ignore this comment. But if you want your average joe to be able to pick this up and follow it, you may want to make it a little more simplistic.

Great job! I can't wait to read more. I'm a fan!

[Anne Ransom]

Excellent story! Kept my attention (not an easy thing for me lately) and held it to the surprise ending. I love this story... the rabbit was an angel?

[Legion]

1. "resembles it twin realty" - should be "resembles its twin reality"
2. "sucked form her soul" - should be "sucked from her soul"
3. "she clenched her first so heard that she snapped" - "heard" should be "hard"
4. "bleeding palm, while the other lay" - no comma in this part of the sentence
5. "the small critter with drew its head" - "with drew" should be one word
6. "in the home of capturing it" - "home" should be "hope"
7. "For it new it was being followed" - "new" should be "knew"
8. "fulfilling its own intensions" - "intensions" is spelled "intentions"
9. "It's sharp Safire eyes stared at her, it's whiskers twitching with interest" - both "it's" do not need an apostrophe here..."Safire" is spelled "sapphire"...you can also seperate this into two sentences. Put a period where the comma is and then capitalize "Its".
10. "an abrupt hold" - "hold" should be "halt" or you could use "stop" instead
11. "Hoping down another step" - "Hoping" should be "Hopping"
12. "Twitching its wickers at her" - "wickers" should be "whiskers"
13. "is true but still-curiosity was" - possibly a comma after "true"..."stil-curiousity" should be "still curiousity" (another "u" in curiosity and no hyphen between them
14. "look back to insure his charge" - "insure" should be "ensure"
15. "He lead her down the staircase" - "lead" should be "led"
16. "waiting patiently do Idelisa" - "do" should be "for"
17. "she bend down and touched" - "bend" should be "bent"
18. "take the first step the ground" - should be a comma between "step" and "the"

These are the things needing attention that I found. There may be more that I missed.

Now for the story review itself - I liked it. Especially the use of the rabbit. Other than some grammatical and spelling errors, this is a very interesting story. Maybe you should continue the tale with her and the rabbit. Maybe some more scenarios where the rabbit keeps showing up and saving her (or others). Kind of like the Mothman Prophecies where the mysterious mothman shows up right before disaster strikes. Anyway, I liked it. Keep it up. :)

[ilmhg]

Pretty interesting. The MANY mispellings did get in the way of my reading though, but that may only be my problem. This looks like a case when spellcheck did not work because many of the mispellings are real words just the wrong ones. A little bit too much like Alice in Wonderland. I like the vivid imagination and see a lot of potential in the writing.

[Bubo]

I loved this.........what a twist, following a rabbit which saved her life........or could it have been something else........really gripping read, and the emotive descriptions at the beginning are well written.
Very gripping throughout ........well done!