Falling Angel

Lost in darkness,
Silent and cold,
Scared of the dangers still untold,
Wanting to get out,
But am locked in a cage,
Why can’t I be free?
Angel wings around me,
Curled in close,
Cannot stretch outwards and fly,
Up in the sky is where I am at home,
Down on the ground I am doomed,
My name is Lucifer,
I have fallen from a height,
Left hand of God,
Now do I trite,
I did wrong that I don’t understand,
Why is he so angry with me?
I just wanted to please my master,
Yet now he shuns and ignores,
Feathers on my wings,
Burning from white to black,
From feathers to leather,
From angel to bat,
Horns grow on my head,
I have started to transform,
Hatred fills my heart,
As I moan my own passing,
But most of all his,
My Lord, dear God in heaven,
You have betrayed me,
You told me that you were all forgiving,
Then why do you not forgive me?
I only wanted to appease,
I have done no wrong,
Now you tell me that you can favour none above another,
This is foolish,
I loved my lord with all my heart,
But now you have destroyed me,
I can never come above the clouds again,
So I shall start my new kingdom below,
And I shall call it Hell,
A crown upon my brow,
It is now in my power,
To rule,
And one day destroy you.

Reviews

[.]

Wow! A very powerful and indeed moving piece. I could feel every word you wrote. A lot of expression from the soul- feelings of pain, suffering, and wanting to be loved again; forever. This was brilliantly penned!! Extraordinary Writing :)

Mikey

[Morgan Ashire]

The piece was decent, but, being a religious philosopher, very controvercial. Lucifer lead an army against God. He knew what he was doing. He wanted to BECOME God. I don't agree with the standpoint of this piece. Also, it was written in a free form with the primary delivery being emotion, secondary imagery, and the terciary, which really surprised me, being the story. Not many people can weave all three of these together. Congratulations. You officially have an idea of what you're doing. Although, I must admit, I think this triple cross took a bit away from the story. I would consider doing another piece, similar to this one, that focuses on the emotions and the imagery, rather than the story. I also suggest a rhyme scheme, as this would add sever power to the piece as taken by the readers. All in all, a decent write.

[Vanessa Whiteley]

I think this would be a lot stronger with some judicious pruning. It really picks up midway and is a terrific poem from there on. I think I would begin:

'Feathers on my wings
Burning from white to black'.

[Marie]

Great job.

[Legion]

Wow! There are so many questions in this. Questions that I have asked many times in the past as well. Beautifully done. It reminds me of something I wrote many, many moons ago called "Forgive Me Father: Lucifer's Plea". It isn't posted here yet. I seem to have misplaced it but when I find it I'll post it and send a read request to you. This is going in my favorites by the way. And I don't usually play favorites. :)

[Maria Roos]

Wow... Very beautiful and unexpected. I especially loved the begining!

[Mike Surette]

Wow good metaphor for the feelings of being scorned.