Our Story

mostly fictionalised but the past is based on real events

Lifetimes pass by in the space of every tick on the clinical clock covering the carefully selected clinical paint of the wall. Averting my absent-minded stare from the point was not an option. Coupled with the almost stand still time, my heart beats out of synchronization at an even slower, deadening pace. All sound repelled by what my mind was shouting, screaming and demanding my mouth and body to do – move any part of it. I blink my eyes, but just often enough as to not make them burn anymore than they already were. Rachmaninov slips unnoticed into my head as background music for beautiful memories replaying in my mind.

 

We met on the evening in what forecasters called; “Cape Town’s best surf, worst floods season”. It was raining, and you were soaked. I felt selfish for demanding you come all the way in the weather, but I had to see you; to meet you. I had fallen deeply in love with a mxit contact that I met only once before, for only a second as you – in your yellow and white striped top and me in my khaki shorts– said hi, and I acknowledged by nodding, with a smile.

 

You had intrigued me, but I was in a relationship, as were you. I was surprised that you had asked a friend – the very one who had introduced us –to get my cell phone number. Only a few hours had passed and I received a text from you. It led to the immediate facebook invite. And ultimately to mxit; the IM service on which I fell in love with you.

 

Like any good love story, the way we were drawn to one another was anything but ordinary. It was funny that night we met, because I had overheard you speaking to one of your friends about missing your then girlfriend and I heard the conviction in your voice as you wanted to leave to fetch her. Immediately I thought of my own girlfriend, and how I was neglecting her. You made me feel so guilty that I called her to apologize and cried while doing so. What was strange about the call was that I could not take my eyes off you. You were laughing at the fire, and when you glanced my way, I turned away in embarrassment. After the call I went inside, avoided everybody and left soon after, just as you asked for my number.

 

As the texts became less frequent, life moved on and I moved out of the city. Our paths seemed not to have crossed in the time before I left for varsity. Something like two months passed by when I read an impacting facebook status of yours (something about you being forgotten), and I sent you a text immediately thereafter. It didn’t come as a surprise when your reply text was “Thank you, but who might you be?” my reaction to that was laughter. We started chatting on mxit more regularly and it soon became something I knew I’d miss if we stopped it. It was clear to me that you were more than just a contact and friend, but I suppressed any other feelings than friendship because I feared the unknown.

 

I came online one afternoon all sad and broken; I had just come from the wedding of a woman I loved. If I think about it now, I was a fool to entertain thoughts of us ever being together. She was engaged and cheating on her fiancé with me and another man. I guess I was sadder that I was just another person than that she was standing at the altar that day. Nevertheless, you helped me that day. You made me smile when I didn’t think it was possible. How it came to be that you told me you liked me more than you should I can’t recall, but when you did I thought it was the perfect chance to embrace the feelings I had had for you.

 

There was no obvious way to make any relationship work between us as we had only met that one time and I moved even further from you than I initially was. I feared distance above all. My past relationships were a great influence and that was the first error in my way of thinking. You had a hold over me that I couldn’t explain. All I knew was that when I used distance as an excuse you told me it was a bulshit excuse and in doing so, I knew this – a chance to be with you – was something I wanted, even with distance as a major prohibiting factor.

 

Only five minutes had passed, but I knew that if I did not move from the numbing position I wouldn’t get any closer to your room than I was. Finally, I moved my gaze from that clinical clock only for my eyes to fall onto a distant figure coming closer. The closer it came, the more a feared its presence but remove my eyes I wouldn’t. My fear contradicted the movements of my body as I found myself standing up, and moving closer to the figure. We stood in front of each other for what felt like hours. In that time of silence we reached an understanding of the greatest measure. Tears welled up in her eyes and your mother put her arms around me.

 

I still don’t know how I could have been upset with you for an entire week. Of course my natural response was to apologize and continue doing so. I called myself a closet case –which was sort of a lie – and you didn’t take well to it. Luckily that was just a little bump in what was the start of something we of us wanted. Many trivial arguments were had, but it always ended on the happiest note. I longed to be with you – I was still at varsity. And wouldn’t be returning until semester end – I wanted to be held by you so badly it hurt.

 

I would have liked to say that you crept into my heart but that would be a blatant lie. You entered my heart with a great thud; unexpected, but most very welcome. The love I had for you continued to grow and with that, the need to see you. That would be the basis of many arguments we had, always ending in “I’m sorry”. You had circumstances, and I had “needs”. I couldn’t see past my “needs” and that’s how we would argue. I now know I was always in the wrong. If I wanted a relationship with you to work, I’d need patience, and a lot there of.

 

On many occasions I had come home for the weekend, always hoping to see you, but the idea of us meeting never materialized. What was evident though was that the closer in distance I got to you, the more we argued. And although the topic never changed, we still continued to argue. I thank god that all those arguments only strengthened the bond between us, or disaster was bound to strike.

 

 I was in complete shock. Here was your mother, with the arms around me, weeping. I had only met her an hour prior. You were rushed to hospital and could only mouth to your sister to contact me. You had already been sedated and were resting before I showed up. You called for me and your mother couldn’t understand why, or even who I was. To your parents, I did not yet exist. When I arrived at the hospital looking for your room at reception, your sister was standing there waiting for me– but I did not know who she was – and when I said I was family she turned to me and asked if I was Carron. After nodding, we proceeded to your room in silence. Amy had been the one who called me. Amy had been the only one who you’d communicate with. Amy had been the one to collect me at reception, and yet Amy had been the only one without tears.

 

In the elevator she told me what had happened and while she was doing so, the tears came. Instinctively I pushed the stop button, and I held her as she cried. All I could do was comfort her the only way I knew how. Making her laugh proved to be more difficult but she tried half-heartedly. I pushed the stop button once more and we began to move again. The elevator opened into the waiting room, where your family sat talking. Amy was first to walk, I followed slowly. Assuming I was the Carron you had been calling for, your mother stood up and darted for me. Standing in front of me she measured and weighed me.  She thanked me for coming and in those moments of surveying me, she knew who I was and what I meant to you.

 

Your mother directed me to your room with no questioning. As I entered your scent reminded me of the last time I had seen you. Your eyes were shut so I didn’t say anything. I sat beside your bed and as I touched your hand, you smiled and opened your eyes.

"You gave me quite a scare." 

"I’m sorry"

"Don’t apologize baby, I’m just glad I got here while you were still awake. Everyone’s worried out there."

"I don’t care, as long as you’re here"

"Don’t say that. You know you ‘outed’ yourself?"

"I know. I had to do it if I wanted to see you."

"I love you"

"I love you more"

"I know"

It was the first time you had sent for me and I knew it had to mean something. If nothing else, it was for your family to know who I am. With our hands locked, you relaxed and closed your eyes again.

"Hey monkey, for how much longer can you stay awake?"

She didn't reply

"Astrid?"

"I’m still awake"

"Do you want me to get someone for you?"

"My mother"

My smile never wavered in the moments I spent with you. I squeezed your hand just a bit, mouthed I love you and then made my way for the door. The walk down that corridor took forever. With my silent prayers accompanying me, I made my way across the waiting room looking for your mother. When my eyes fell on her, she was looking at me with so much skepticism. I nodded and she understood what was meant because she rose and hurriedly made her way down the same clinical corridor I was just come past.

 

At first I stood at the window staring out aimlessly, but my eyes grew tired of the view; a brick wall. I took a seat directly across from a clock; a standard clinical clock to which my eyes now drifted upon. Nobody spoke to me, but I could feel them staring. I still didn’t know what the problem with you was, but I knew it was serious. My silent prayers soon became a haze of words and memories started flooding my thoughts. I was losing myself in a whirlpool of memories and I couldn’t control it. My whole world slowed down. I couldn’t see myself without you and wasn’t planning on losing you today; our Anniversary.

 

Lifetimes pass by in the space of every tick on the clinical clock covering the carefully selected clinical paint of the wall. Averting my absent-minded stare from the point was not an option. Coupled with the almost stand still time, my heart beats out of synchronization at an even slower, deadening pace. All sound repelled by what my mind was shouting, screaming and demanding my mouth and body to do – move any part of it. I blink my eyes, but just often enough as to not make them burn anymore than they already were. Rachmaninov slips unnoticed into my head as background music for beautiful memories replaying in my mind.

 

So there I was, waiting for you at entrance 6; Nervous and excited all at the same time. I had been waiting for this moment for 4 months. Even though you only walked in the rain from the car to the entrance, you were still soaked. It wasn’t going to be wise for you to stay in those wet clothes and I wasn’t going to allow it anyway. Since you made it clear that my house wasn’t an option, I found the next best place; Simone’s house. Before you reached me I dialed her number and by the time I received confirmation you were planted in front of me. I had the biggest of smiles and couldn’t end the call fast enough. Even though you were soaked, you looked amazingly beautiful. You raised your eyebrow in response to me being on the cell phone and giggled. You didn’t even give me a chance to say bye properly before you kissed me; our first kiss.

 

I had the most delayed reaction as to how to process your mother’s arms being around me. I was comforting her as best I could. She released me but held me at my shoulders.

"It was always you"

"yes"

"She really loves you"

"I know"

"The medics thought they were going to lose her, until you came"

"Does that mean she’ll be okay?"

As she nodded, my world went back to normal time, Rachmaninov stopped playing and I could hear all the noise surrounding me. I could breathe.

 

I was stunned out of my mind when you went offline that day. We were having the best chat ever – Chatting about our future was always called the best chat ever – and I had a feeling you didn’t get disconnected. Still having a stunned look on my face I nearly had a heart attack when I was receiving an incoming call with your picture on my phones screen. I nearly didn’t answer in surprise.

"Baby? This is a surprise"

"I’m outside, come get me"

"WHAT!?"

"Just come out"

"Where are you?"

"Outside your rez"

"Don’t lie; you don’t even know where Minerva is"

While speaking I ran out of my room in my socks, slipped in the corridor and carried on to the balcony on the same floor. I wanted to jump off the balcony when I saw you standing there on the pathway. I ran to my room to get my student card and made my way for the doors. I couldn’t believe it.

Although I could breathe, I felt the overwhelming urge to run to your room, which I did. Your mother smiled. When I reached your door the smile I had brightened. You saw me, and at the same time we said I LOVE YOU.

 

Reviews

[SM Davis]

I agree. I also would advise any writer against using "the most..." or any other attempt at an exaggerated feeling. You also used the phrase "stunned out of my mind"...and although I get the feeling that the emotion had taken over you, the sense of the feeling and the words do not match. I would suggest that you go over it again, and use more description in describing the situations the character found themself in. The POV switched up quite a bit. It is definitely a challenge using first person POV, however, it can be done. I think you are on the right track with this.

I don't understand the >>>> in the middle of the story in front of the text.

All in all this was a good write, but I think it could use some touch up.

[Peach]

I don't know if clinical is supposed to be a use of symbolism or something, but you do seem to use that word an awful lot. Using a word too much tends to make a story repetitive and somewhat less creative. I sometimes had trouble following where the story was at. [[example: "You didn't even give me a chance to say bye properly before you kissed me. Our first kiss." then suddenly you jump to, "I had the most delayed reaction as to how to process your mother's arms being around me."]] I found that a bit confusing and had to re-read it a couple of times. Although it was quite a nice read. :)