Broken Hearts

Soul-mates spend centuries doing the dance of meeting, parting, loving, missing, and even betraying. It's all about meeting at the right time in both souls lives.

I can feel the ancient rhythm,
Of the heart,
It's pain forgiven.

 
In the dawn of all time,
I know what's yours,
And it is mine.

And we share this time together,
A time of love,
To last forever.

 
As we stand beside this path,
Waiting for the,
Time that's past.

 
And I fall and hit the ground,
At long last,
I have found,

What I've been searching for,
It's you love,
And I want you more.

 
In the day and in the night,
Always forever,
It is right.

 
Now our love has finally ended,
Broken hearts,
Cannot be mended.

Author's Note

So I'm not too pleased with this because it goes to this chanty, flowy type beat in my head, but if it's just read of the page without that beat it sounds terrible. any suggestions?

Reviews

[Livana Lowell]

The last stanza threw me off. It sounded so abrupt and rushed that the title and the upper lines seem so unimportant. I think you should lengthen more upon the last stanza so that it CAN reflect on the title. Otherwise, the title loses value. At least that's what I think as a reader. The rhyme sceme is great, but the purpose has fallen short.

This also threw me off: "And I fall and hit the ground/At long last/I have found". I sounded so off key. I think of a penny when I read it if that's what you were intending, but I suggest some better imagrey because that one is a cliche.

Anyways, I think it could be a lot stronger if you work on it.

[*Evelen*]

Awww sad face, but this is a very good poem. It explains love so well. Sometimes it seems perfect and then it can trun around and fall apart. I like this and I don't think anythings wrong. Well done:)