In Memory of a Fallen Angel

A rambling set of questions from a man to the empty air around him as he recalls the day his angel, his wife died.

Can you hear the steady falling rain?

The wind like an Angel’s gentle sigh,

the lightning giving sight to her pain?

 

The steady drops fall from her domain,

and I find myself too deep to scry.

Tell me you too, hear the falling rain?

 

Do you see the tears of my Elaine?

An Angel with eyes too dry to cry,

the lightning giving sight to her pain?

 

Never have I doubted that I am sane,

so please, do tell me the reason why,

can’t you hear the steady falling rain?

 

It is as it was when she had lain,

back to the ground, on her lips a lie,

lightning reflecting the truth, her pain.

 

And now perhaps I have gone insane,

for alone here with a sunny sky,

I ask can you hear the falling rain,

and see lightning reflecting my pain?

Author's Note

Firstly, does it work as a Villanelle? Did I alter the repeating lines too much? Or perhaps not enough? Do you understand the story that unfolds in his questions? Tell me, what conclusion to you draw at the end of this piece?

As a side note the word scry is not a typo, it actually means "to divine" as in crystal ball gazing or, in this case, to search for the reflection of his wife in the surface of the water that's all around him. So he's actually saying he's too deep in his grief to use the focus necessary to use the water to scry for her.

Reviews

[Livana Lowell]

If anything I suggest you work on diction known as word choice because this is very beautiful and I think it can be a lot stronger. It's good the way it is, but it can become a lot better like for instance- "giving sight" I felt that was a little vague, that there's probably a better way to say that line. Understand?

I like the use of steady meaning not moving, not changing, true mourning. I didn't understand the two lines in the beginning of the second stanza. There's a typo with "scry" to "cry", but I still don't understand. Feel free to explain.

Besides that, I picture aconfused, grieving man who has watched the love of his life trying to be strong even on her deathbed, yet she still dies and leave this man full of unanswered questions in pain himself. I feel he's not able to let go that's what I get from the repetion

I like it, it's really good. Keep working on it.

[BrianKnows]

I think the lines changed just enough. Slow trickle like the falling rain, the breaking away inside the mourner.