My Horror House

Welcome to my horror house darling

Welcome to my lovely house

Where you’ll never find a mouse

I greet you as my guest

So I will try to do my very best

To give you a tour of this horrid nest

 

Let us start in the living room

You see that chair all dark and gloom?

My poor old sister found her doom

 

She sat there every night

But one day somebody gave her the fright

The screaming was about to start

But I stabbed her terrible heart

That was my best piece of art

 

Are you having fun?

I have only just begun

 

Moving on to the dining hall

Those are bullet holes in the wall

Where I shot my husband with his gun

Boy did he weigh a ton

Shame that he’ll never see his son

 

Now we should go to the stairs

Where my mother hanged herself by her hair

I remember her cold, hard stare

But I don’t really care

 

Wow so many memories to remember

I’m sure this house will hold them forever

 

Would you like to see the bathroom?

Through that window you can see the big, white moon

In this tub had laid my brother

He was like no other

But he was always a bother

Now he does not bother

 

We are getting closer to the end of the tour

Does your mouth taste sour?

 

Last but definitely not least, my beloved garden

But I beg your pardon

This is the last chapter of this horror story

I do believe your name is Dory?

Well, my dory, there was a young girl like yourself that got killed here

By this very knife I have in my hand here

She wanted to know if the stories were true

I told her the truth and she was very blue

And I believe, my dory, that girl is you

 

Reviews

[E.V. Black]

I thought this was all right. Honestly, I think it could have been better. I believe that some of the rhyming is off. I don't think that the rhyming you tried here didn't much fit it anyway. One line that really bugged me was this:

"But he was always a bother

Now he does not bother"

It niggles at me when people sometimes use the same word twice. I don't much like the fact that you used it twice to rhyme. I'm not trying to be harsh here. The wonderful aspect of this poem was that it was strikingly morbid, especially because the main character in this talks so casually of murder and the horrible things that have happened over time. Very twisted. :3 I like.

I just think that this needs much tweaking to make it even better. Otherwise, you have a knack for the dark and the twisted. Loved it!

[bob, small b. aka invs]

ok, the rhyme and rhythm are a bit off, but i totally enjoyed the poem. telling an entire story in a few verses is a good trick. and i liked the macabre humor of it. very enjoyable read.

[Relic]

I enjoyed this poem not for technicality but for its underlining humor. The end made me smile. I'm a horror buff you see, so you had me from the beginning. I liked it.

[Brittany W]

Not bad, even though the rhyming was fluent through the whole poem i kind of liked it, it was telling a story, a very vivid scary story and you did a good job at portraying this "horror house" nice work :)