Algernon - Part Three

The newest member of the crew proves to be a handful when provoked, which leads Ryan to wonder if she is worth the trouble she seems to be causing.

Valerie

 

Valerie sat forward and rested her head in her hands, thinking about how bored she was and about how pointless it was to sit on a radio for hours on end and listen to nothing but static.

 No, she thought, it’s more like ennui. I have ennui.

Sitting in a rather uncomfortable operator’s chair all day in the radio room of the Algernon with sweat encrusted headphones while listening to the static was doing nothing to improve either her mood or the ennui. The room was rather small and cramped, owing to the fact that the ancient radio took up most of the space.

She didn’t even have any idea what she was supposed to be listening for, if anything. Valerie took her head out of her hands and played a little bit with the tuner knob to see if any of the static became something besides static, but had no luck. Folding her arms on the table in front of her, she put her head down and let her long black hair spill over her shoulders and arms.

“Hear anything?” said a voice next to her ear.

Slowly raising her head, she pulled an ancient walkie talkie toward her and sighed. “What am I supposed to be listening for?”

“You mean you were trying to listen for something?”

“I thought that’s what I was doing!” Valerie yelled into the speaker.

“Are you kidding?” Ryan said sleepily. “You can’t hear anything. That radio’s been broken for years. All you get is static no matter how much you fuss with it.”

“Then why did you send me up here?”

“I just wanted to get you out of my hair for a little while so I could take a nap. You’re rather exhausting to listen to, especially when you don’t have anything interesting to say.”

He did have a point – she had talked a lot about herself in the couple of days that she had stayed on the Algernon, but she didn’t see it as exhausting. She wanted to be able to get to know Ryan, and traditionally, the easiest way to do so was to start talking about yourself.

“I’m beginning to think that you enjoy pissing me off.” She gritted her teeth.

“I do.”

“What?”

“Come on. If I didn’t piss you off, what would I do to keep myself entertained?”

“Go out and look for a job?” Valerie got up quickly from the chair. It tipped over with a crash behind her.

Ryan laughed. “Now, if I were to go do that…”

She didn’t hear the rest of the reply. Two days aboard the Algernon, talking about what she did before she got arrested, about the people she knew, things about her life, all in an attempt to try and get to know Ryan, and for nothing.

Ripping off the headphones, she made her way back to the hold where she found Ryan lounging on a faded and worn orange couch with another set of headphones and holding the other walkie talkie, talking to no one. The lounge consisted of a couch near the stairs, two chairs that were once plush and comfortable facing the couch from across the room, and a rickety table in between. As she entered, she pulled a gun from the back of her pants and fired at the hand that wasn’t holding the walkie talkie. The shot filled the gap between his fingers.

“What the hell?” Ryan took off the headphones; the walkie talkie dropped with a clang on the floor.

“Funny, I could be asking you the same question.”

“You make it sound like you’re the victim here.”

“I am!” Valerie jabbed the gun at him.

“Hardly. Women always think they’re the victims. Especially women like you.”

“Oh? And how would you know about ‘women like me’?”

“Listening to you yak on and on about nothing for the last two days. I don’t think you realize that you’re not as interesting as you think you are.”

Valerie’s grip on the gun tightened, her knuckles white. “Just because Moose is gone does not mean you get to screw with me.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I screw with you whether Moose is here or not. I just happen to get away with it if he’s not here.”

“I have better things to do than listen to radio static all day, m**********r.” Valerie lowered the gun and walked away.

“Aw, honey, don’t go away mad. Just go away.”

Valerie glared at him with a look of utmost loathing. More than anything, she wanted to be able to melt the flesh off his face. Who was he, thinking he was so hot? At one point, his smile had charmed her, but she knew better; despite the fact that she thought he was very handsome, now most anything he did made her want to murder him.

“If you want me to leave, then why did you invite me on here in the first place?” she growled.

“To be honest, because Moose is no fun to mess with after a few weeks and because I don’t think you want to go to jail.”

“So you’re just keeping me for the money?”

Ryan looked confused.

“Oh come on. Even if you say you don’t want to turn me in, you want to.”

“Yes, but why turn you in when I have so much fun f*****g with you?”

Valerie’s jaw dropped.

Ryan smiled, laid back on the couch and closed his eyes. A shot hit the armrest just over his head. He sat up.

“You wanna go, b***h?”

“You started it, not me.”

Ryan grabbed the gun that had been lying on the table and fired, but the shot went wide and to the right.

Valerie grinned at him. “Nice shot.”

Ryan snarled and jumped up from the couch. Valerie turned and ran up the stairs north toward the front of the ship, Ryan close behind.

She ran through a doorway at the top of the stairs and ducked behind the wall, panting. Ryan ran past her and she landed a well aimed shot at a point just above his shoulder, ripping the seam on his jacket.

It was almost like a game – see who can get the most non-lethal hits on the other, like trading insults. Except that this was far more dangerous, far more exciting, and even more likely to end in disaster.

As he turned she ran back out the door and down the opposite hall to the south. A shot rang out behind her but it missed and passed somewhere over her left shoulder; she could almost feel the breeze it created on her glowing skin. A small strand of black silk fell behind her as she ran.

Now she was mad.

Valerie turned and fired a shot very close to Ryan’s ear. He yelled and hit the floor on his knees, holding his ear.

“You b***h.”

“Be careful, or next time I’ll pierce it for you.”

Ryan glared at her.

“Hey, you might be easier on the eyes if you wore an earring.”

He fired at her and she rather easily dodged the shot before she continued running down the hall, fueled by a rush of adrenaline and the faint smell of their smoking guns.

Ryan took his hand off his bleeding ear and ran after her.

After a few minutes, Valerie took a stairway east up to the main deck, Ryan hot on her heels. Ryan fired a few shots up at her through the grated floor plates before he started up the stairs.

“You’re a lousy shot! You’re a lousy shot!” Valerie gasped in a sing-song voice as she ran up the stairs. She was beginning to feel a little bit out of breath from running up and down all over the ship.

“NO I’M NOT!” Ryan roared as he gained on her.

When she got to the top, Valerie took a right back down toward the hold. Ducking behind a wall, Ryan again ran past her. She fired a shot over his other shoulder, ripping his other jacket seam.

He turned and fired on her, but she moved a split second before the bullet reached its destination.

“I’m not going to have any clothes after this.”

“Well, the way I see it, you can either sew those up or you can get a job and earn some money to get some new ones.” Valerie wiped sweat out of her eyes, her chest rising and falling with each breath.

“How ’bout you getting me some since you’re the one ruining them?”

“The price you pay for disrespecting a lady.”

“Lady, my a*s.”

Ryan ran toward her. He tackled her, pinned her arms at her sides by his knees, put a hand around her neck and pointed the gun at her head.

Valerie struggled under his grip. It became tighter and tighter the more she tried to free herself. She managed to get one of her hands on the gun and point it away from her head instead of at her temple.

“Silly boy, don’t you know girls get to be on top?” Valerie smiled.

Ryan furrowed his brow, clearly confused.

That split second was all she needed.

Valerie hit him as hard as she could in the face sending Ryan reeling backward giving her a chance to escape. Ryan stood, wiped the blood off his face, and continued after her.

Valerie ran toward the radio room and hid behind the chair she had knocked over earlier. She heard him come in and fired a shot at his feet, which he miraculously dodged. He fired a shot at the chair in return, sending bits of stuffing flying in a small cloud in front of the chair. Valerie took a well-aimed shot at the gap between his legs. Ryan yelled as the bullet whizzed under his crotch and covered himself as Valerie got up from behind the chair, her back to the radio.

“Give up yet?”

Ryan glared at her. “Never.”

He fired at her again and hit the radio.

It fizzled momentarily as electric currents danced over the board before falling quiet, smoke pouring out of it. The two stared at the fizzling smoking mess of radio for a few moments before Valerie turned on Ryan.

“Smooth move. At least it didn’t work.”

Ryan bit his lip. “Ah, actually, it did.”

“Then why did you tell me it didn’t work?” She was exasperated; sweat had started to run down the back of her neck and it itched terribly.

“Look, I didn’t trust you to listen to the radio waves…”

“I didn’t know what I was supposed to be listening for.”

“So I switched the channel, took the working headphones and told you to go listen for radio signals to get you out of my hair while I did something productive.”

“Get me out of your hair?” she asked, rounding on him.

“Like I said, you’re quite tiring to listen to, rambling on and on about nothing.”

“It’s my life! It’s not nothing!”

“But it sure as hell is boring. I’ve met vegetables that were more interesting than you.”

“I’m surprised you know what vegetables are,” Valerie said, looking back at the radio. “So what was the point of the radio then?”

“Sometimes we were able to pick up police signals and private phone lines. They’ve often proved to be better hits than the stuff we get off EVA airspace.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair. “Moose is gonna s**t.”

“Yeah, and the best part about it is I didn’t do it.”

“What do you mean you didn’t do it?”

“You started this, not me.” Valerie motioned at Ryan and then herself with her gun. “If you had just told me about the private lines, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“You don’t know what to listen for.”

“You just TOLD me!”

“But not what we’re listening for.”

“Which is what? You think you’re going to break the next Watergate?”

“What the hell is Watergate?”

“Never mind. Just tell me.”

There was a long pause.

“A name.” Ryan said finally.

“A name?”

“A name.”

“What name?”

“Doesn’t really matter now since the radio doesn’t work.”

Valerie swore, threw her hands up in the air, and walked out of the room leaving Ryan alone with the dead radio. It was still smoking.

***

Moose arrived home later that evening with groceries and cigarettes. Ryan was lying on the couch with a magazine over his face. Valerie was nowhere to be found. Assuming that she was still listening to the radio, Moose made his way to the radio room. Instead of finding Valerie, he only found a smoking mass of metal.

“VALERIE!!” Moose yelled. It resounded off the walls of the ship, but there was no reply. Moose turned and made his way back to the hold and kicked the couch to get Ryan’s attention.

“Where’s the broad?!” Moose yelled.

Ryan slowly picked the magazine up off his face and sat up. “She’s not here?” he asked rubbing his eyes.

“No! And I think I’m gonna have to throttle a b***h.”

“Oh, why’s that?” Ryan stretched.

“My radio’s gone! Damn b***h broke my radio!” Moose yelled.

Ryan’s eyes went wide.  “Uh oh.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You weren’t supposed to find out about that,” Ryan said slowly.

“And what in God’s name made you think I wouldn’t?”

“I hadn’t gotten to that part yet.”

“The hell you hadn’t. What the f**k happened?”

“I told her it didn’t work and she got mad and shot at me so…I shot back.” Ryan’s face turned pink.

“Smooth going, Lafcadio. So how did my radio get busted?”

“She ran and I chased her.”

“How cute,” Moose said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “And let me guess, she ran into the radio room and since you can’t hit s**t worth beans, you missed her and hit the radio?”

“I can hit s**t worth beans!”

“No, you can’t.” Moose said as he walked over to the counter. He fished through the bag of groceries, took out an egg and set it on the counter. “Hit that.”

Ryan looked from Moose to the egg. “Hit the egg?”

“Yeah. If you can hit s**t, then hit the egg.” Moose crossed his arms. Ryan gawked at him. Moose glared at him from behind his metal plate with a look of you-should-probably-shoot-the-egg-before-I-shoot-you. Ryan took his gun off the table, aimed, and fired. He missed the egg completely and hit the microwave, which fizzled, then started to smoke.

“Yeah, Valerie broke the radio alright.” Moose rolled his eyes. “Can’t you do something besides break my stuff?”

“You make it sound like I’m doing it on purpose.”

Moose thought for a moment before he nodded. “You’re too bad of a shot to do it on purpose.”

“I. AM. NOT. A. BAD. SHOT,” Ryan said angrily.

“Um, yeah, you are.” Valerie appeared in the doorway, a box of wires in her arms. Both men looked up at her. “Seriously, I’ve seen drunks playing Duck Hunt that hit better than you hit sober.”

“What the hell is Duck Hunt?” Ryan asked.

“It’s a game you play on the T.V. that involves shooting ducks with a fake gun.”

“And now we know.”

Valerie rolled her eyes and started out of the room.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Moose yelled.

“To fix the radio. We broke it, didn’t we?” she called back.

“Well, at least she’s useful.” Moose sighed leaning back against the counter.

“I’m useful! I do laundry!” Ryan said, getting up off the couch.

“And there ends the usefulness.” Moose began to put things away. Ryan saw that he was fighting a loosing battle, so he grabbed a carton of cigarettes and headed up top to have a few smokes to calm himself down.

***

Valerie stood looking at the radio in dismay, the cry of gulls and the lapping of waves could just barely be heard over the shouting at the other end of the hall. Thankfully it had stopped smoking, but there were still a lot of connections that needed to be reestablished in order for it to work again.

Righting the chair with her free hand, she set the box of wires and tools down and squatted next to the radio to see if there were any wires she could salvage, but unluckily for her, Ryan’s misaimed shot had been clean and the bullet was probably still in the radio.

She rummaged through the box and found a set of gloves and a screwdriver and started to take off the panels. Setting the plates behind her, she exchanged the screwdriver for a set of wire strippers and needle nose pliers. She bit her lip and stared thoughtfully at the wires in front of her.

Funny, she thought, the damage doesn’t look so bad after you take the plates off.

After a few minutes of assessing the situation, she determined that three audio lines, two analog lines, and five power lines needed to be rewired to make the radio work again.

“It could be worse,” Valerie shrugged and knelt down to strip the wires, cut, and reconnect them. Halfway through her work, she heard someone come in behind her and stand in the doorway.

“What do you want?”

“To talk. Is that a crime?” said Ryan.

“You never want to talk to me.” She didn’t turn around and kept working.

“Maybe I decided I wanted to talk.”

“You mean you’re actually going to give me the time of day?” she asked icily. She could feel her face starting to get hot. “I doubt you’re willing to swallow that much pride.”

“You have no idea the amount of pride I’ve had to swallow, princess.”

“Oh, I don’t do I? I’ve had to eat my fair share of crow too, my friend.”  

“Don’t be a hypocrite.”

“Look who’s talking.” Valerie, in her anger, over-twisted the wire and the connection fell apart in her hands. “What do you want? If you’re not going to help, I suggest sticking your head back up your a*s and leaving,” she went back to work on the wire.

She could tell by the awkward pause that he was thinking about it and trying to decide if it was worth it to stay.

“I had an ex-boyfriend like you once,” she murmured, trying to break the tension. “He always said he wanted to help me but in the end only ended up screwing me over.”

“Why the hell would I care about that?”

“You’re the one that wanted to talk. So I talked.”

“I don’t really give a s**t if I remind you of a previous f**k buddy…”

“I resent that.” She turned and drew a gun out of the box next to her. She didn’t want to be nice anymore; in fact, she wanted him to drop dead. “You be nice or there’s nothing stopping me from blowing you away.”

“Sure there is: if you kill me Moose sends you to jail and they book you for not only robbery and breaking out, but homicide.” Ryan smiled at her. She quivered slightly but held her aim.

“Double jeopardy,” Valerie said after a moment, remembering what she had learned in school. “They can’t try me for the same crime twice.”

Ryan gawked at her.

“Unlike you, I’m not an idiot. I actually know my s**t.” Valerie put down the gun and went back to work on the radio, hoping Ryan would leave. Sensing he was still there, she turned around.

“If you’re not gonna help, then I’d love it if you’d leave.”

Ryan put his hand on his hip and ran the other through his hair, but didn’t leave.

“I came up here to tell you I was sorry, but I guess you’re not going to accept my apology…” Ryan trailed off. Valerie raised an eyebrow.

“Are you apologizing of your own volition or did mommy tell you to apologize?”

“No, Moose didn’t tell me to do it. It’s from me.”

Valerie continued to glare at him. Ryan never apologized, especially to her, for anything. Something was up, but she decided to play along to see where it would go.

“Apology accepted. Now, can you leave me alone?”

“Look, y’know, it’s been a long day. Why don’t we go have a drink?”

Valerie smiled thoughtfully. She knew exactly where this was going, and she knew exactly how to counteract it.

“I’d love a drink.” She continued to smile as she got up and pulled off her gloves.

“Well, then,” Ryan bowed toward the door, “shall we?”

The two met Moose upon exiting the radio room. He stared at them and folded his arms.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To get a drink.” Ryan winked at Moose.

“Right.” Moose raised an eyebrow and walked into the room behind them and the two continued down the hall to the main hold. Valerie took a seat on the couch and Ryan rummaged through the cupboards to see if they had any of the liquor they had swiped from the bar. He found a large bottle of vodka, two tumblers, and walked over and took a seat on the couch next to Valerie.

“So, do you plan on getting me drunk and THEN raping me and dumping my body or is there something in the middle I should know about?”

“What are you talking about?” Ryan asked downing the vodka. Valerie did the same and Ryan refilled the glasses. The alcohol burned like lightning as it went down her throat, but the aftertaste of charcoal was well worth the lit match feeling in her mouth.

“I know you want me out of here. So why don’t you ask me to leave?”

Ryan drained his glass and refilled it thoughtfully. “Cause it’s not that easy with you.”

“You catch on fast, cowboy.” Valerie smiled as she drained her glass and Ryan refilled it.

She could feel herself start to get a little flushed, and worried about whether or not she would be able to hold her liquor. She had always prided herself on how well she could hold her alcohol.

“And yet, you don’t have the common decency to treat people with the respect they deserve. You must be more of an a*****e than I thought you were.”

“I’m not always an a*****e, am I?” His eyes were beginning to glaze over.

Valerie drew a gun and pointed it at him.

“Don’t try sweet talking me cowboy. It’s not going to work.”

Ryan leaned forward. “It’s not, is it?” he smiled.

Valerie leaned back trying to get a good balance in case she had to hit him. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and there was a shadow beginning to form on his chin; he smelled like someone had tried unsuccessfully to clean out an ashtray.

Ryan put a hand on her wrist, leaned closer to her, whispered something in her ear, and twisted her wrist around so that her shot went off into the couch.

“STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!” came Moose’s angry yell from upstairs. Neither of them acknowledged the yell.

Valerie, a look of shock on her face, dropped the gun and stared up at Ryan.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Ryan asked leaning back and looking into her eyes.

There was a long pause; Valerie stared at him in shock.

“I actually didn’t come up to tell you I was sorry,” Ryan whispered.

“You didn’t?” she whispered back. He is so trashed, she thought to herself. Just a little bit more and I’ll have him.

“No. I came up to tell you,” he paused and leaned closer so that his nose almost touched Valerie’s. “I came up to tell you that I think you should leave.” His eyes were watery, almost sad, and Valerie almost felt sorry for him.

“Leave? Why would I leave?”

“Because.” He paused and looked at her again, giving her the impression that he wasn’t actually looking at her, but at someone else. “I don’t need you. You’re nothing but trouble and you deserve nothing less than to be…” He never finished his sentence.

Valerie took him by the back of the head and slammed him into the side of the table. He bounced off the table and then fell over the edge of the couch, motionless.

“You’re not getting away that easy,” she mused as she threw his body off of her own and sat up. “You can’t tell me to leave when I’m not the problem.” Putting Ryan’s arm over her shoulder, she dragged him out of the room and up the stairs. “Besides, you need me a hell of a lot more than I need you.”

Valerie managed to drag Ryan all the way to his room and tossed him as well as she could onto his bed.

“And now, for a little revenge.” Valerie smiled and began to take off his clothes. She took off the jacket and shirt first and then straddled him while she pulled a set of handcuffs out of the back of her pants. She noticed him stirring as she handcuffed him to the wall so she tightened the grip of her legs around his middle. Leaning forward and bracing her hands on the bed, and swung him as hard as she could into the wall.

He didn’t move.

“Go to sleep,” Valerie smiled as she unbuckled his belt. Taking off his pants, she was met with a rather pleasant surprise. She bit her lip, trying not to laugh, and went to work.