Survival of the Hottest

It is very good so far! Your style of writing is very unique, I like it very much! However, sometimes I get quite confused with the perspective of the characters, I suppose I will get used to it when I sink deeper into your story! You have just a few grammatical errors, for example: Mandy squirt a good amount of shampoo into her hand, it should be: Mandy squirted a good amount. Just a simple typing error. Also, sometimes you refer to The Ashleys as The Ashley's, with an apostrophe. And that would be possesive. Again, and easy mistake. This is a very humorous story mixed in with the troubling years of high school. I really hope some good twists come to make this story as unique as your writing!

Posted 14 Years Ago