The Lonely

Oh, my wretched heart,
you curse me so
Showing secrets to me,
of a love I'll never know

I watched as they grew,
through their smiles and joy
Falling deeper for you,
in my heart came a void

This empty black space,
It was meant for you
He's taken my place
what could I do?

How could I have won,
keeping silent for years
quit before I'd begun
now I fight back the tears

You've slipped through my fingers,
there's no hope at all
But my love for you lingers,
if ever you call.

Author's Note

Originally requested by a friend, this piece is sort of meant to be cliche. It isn't meant to be a new concept, but something rather simple and easy to digest

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"How could I have won,
keeping silent for years
quit before I'd begun
now I fight back the tears

You've slipped through my fingers,
there's no hope at all
But my love for you lingers,
if ever you call."
A splendid read and write ...I like the ending the most...:)

[L.M.Warde]

Thank you very much! So do I honestly. Thank you for the review!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[eatme]

I wrote a long review and it didn't show up.
The word combinations are nearly all cliches.
Slipped through my fingers is an actual idiom it is so cliche
Word combination need to be unique, not things we have heard countless times.
Space is empty and black? I think we knew that.
Tell us something new and unexpected.

fall thinner
space is yellow and fluttery
bobbing for cancer
my love grinds cheese

surprise me!

[L.M.Warde]

Thank you for your critique, I appreciate it very much. Thank you as well for the review.

[CL]

I love it, I'm a huge fan of rhyme myself, sometimes cant even help myself lol. This poem is really relatable which is a sign of good writing because what is a writer really trying to do if not evoke emotion in their readers? My favorite parts are
"Falling deeper for you,
in my heart came a void"

and
"How could I have won,
keeping silent for years
quit before I'd begun
now I fight back the tears"
Because of how well i can relate to it, i send my deepest condolences. It's simple but very well written, i think.

[L.M.Warde]

Well thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a piece I made at the behest of a close friend. She particularly wanted a few lines in it, just didn't know what to tie them with. So in essence the piece is only partially from me, but did still need to be pulled from something real. Despite the cliche nature of this I'm glad to have written it. Evoking the emotions in readers is a valuable thing to say the least. Sometimes the old ways are still decent ways. Thank you very much for the review!