Chaos Consuming

After Alexandru makes a grim discovery, hope is lost. And it's just the beginning.

The half-moon shone in through the opening of a lonely cave on the outskirts of the Zepote desert, casting it’s gentle glow on the blood splattered stone floor of the cave. The body of a soldier wearing the black armor of an NSU soldier was lying on the ground, a large, gaping wound where his windpipe had been. Despite the clear evidence of a violent scene having occurred there not long ago, the cave was now still and silent.

            Appearing out of the gloom of the night sky came an iridescent black raven. As the raven flew in low towards the cave’s opening, a shimmering red mist began to pour from its chest, and began to swirl around the raven. By the time it landed on the ground, the bird had been replaced with a young man wearing a hooded black cloak and black leather armor. The light of the moon caught on two metal rods that were holstered to his outer thighs.

            The figure straightened up from his crouched position, reaching up to pull down the hood of his cloak absentmindedly. As his eyes fell on the scene before him, he froze. For a few seconds he stood motionless, the fingers of his right hand still on the hood of his cloak.  His faintly glowing blood red eyes took in the carnage around him.

            “Joseph?” At first it was little more than a whisper. There was no reply.

            “Joseph?” This time louder, as fear began to fill the man’s words. He hurried forward into the cavern, his eyes scanning the floor and the roof of the cavern, but his search was unsuccessful.

            “Joseph!” This time it was a frantic scream as tears began to cloud his vision. The only sound was the echo of his own voice. Not that he had truly expected any other reply. It was clear what had happened. While he had been gone hunting, the NSU had attacked, there had been a struggle, and they had managed to capture his brother.

            The figure fell to his knees, sobs tearing themselves from his throat. Jeno was gone, the kingdom was fallen, and now Joseph was gone. He was completely alone, again, and just like last time, it was all his fault. His ghostly pale hands clawed at his shoulder-length untamed whitish blonde hair.

If only he had been a bit smarter. He should never have left Joseph alone. He knew that they were being hunted. Why did he have to be so stupid? He had left Joseph alone, and while he did not doubt his brother’s strength, even he didn’t stand a chance against an army. He had abandoned his brother when he needed him most, and now Joseph was in the hands of their enemies. He supposed he should be grateful that he didn’t find his brother’s corpse strewn over the dirty floor of the cave, but that did little to comfort him. Being dead would be a far kinder fate than being a captive of the NSU. 

As a particularly bitter scream ripped it’s way from his throat, red mist shot from his chest down into the cave floor below him. Huge rock spikes suddenly stuck up from the ground, aimed directly at him. He fell backward, trying to avoid them, but he wasn’t entirely successful, and one pierced his left shoulder, another sinking into his right forearm. Blood began to drip from the wounds, adding to the gore of the scene. 

Where the bitter sobbing had been only moments before was a deathly silence, as Alexandru’s brain attempted to process everything that had happened. Suddenly, the sobs were replaced with a new sound. Laughter. It started low and bitter, but then rose in volume and desperation. Tears continued to fall from his eyes.  He reached up, gripping onto the rock spike piercing his shoulder, intending to drive it in further, only for the stone spike to turn to dust in his grip. This only seemed to intensify his laughter. He couldn’t even manage to hurt himself properly, couldn’t commit to it all the way, even though he knew he deserved it and far, far worse. 

His parents, his brothers, his king, all dead, all his fault. Who was next? Himself? No,surely not. Taj? Clarissa? Naria? Nanji? He would guess Clarissa. He hoped he was wrong. But he couldn’t be sure could he? Couldn’t possibly know who would be his next victim until it was too late. Why was it always too late? Why did he kill everyone he loved, or worse? Why was he cursed to be this way?

He laughed until his voice cracked and his throat was raw. He cried until he was out of tears, and bled until his blood formed clots which stuck to his pale skin. He wanted to run. He wanted to fight. He wanted to die. He wanted to do… something. He didn’t know. Had he ever known? He stood up, as if in a daze and turned, walking out of the cave. The sand caught in the wind buffeted against his exposed face, stinging his eyes, but they were too dry to water. He didn’t know where he was going, nor did he have any plan of what to do next. All he knew was that he was alone again, and that it was entirely his fault. 

The moon shone down over the solitary figure aimlessly wandering through the Zepote desert, the only witness to what had happened that night. In the stillness of the desert, in the quiet of the night, in the lonely wasteland, Alexandru Fane Lupei Orfellia was pushed too far. Grief and fear had won out, extinguishing his hope and leaving him feeling hollow. That night, alone in the desert, Alexandru’s sanity had finally snapped. 

Reviews

[QRoels]

Overall: Great story, I want to hear more (both before and after). I want to know more about this world and these characters. Great job there sucking me in. The main character was compelling and his feelings were well communicated and believable. The writing flowed well and I got a good level of description for how short the story was. I could picture everything happening as it did.

You did awesome, if you want opinions, though, I came up with a few (FYI I am a novice and by no means an authority on any of this): I was really sucked in at the beginning because of the mysterious death and the magical transformation. Both paragraphs were well written IMO and act as a good place setter. The use of an acronym in the first paragraph threw me though and I spent the next couple of paragraphs getting my bearings again. I was expecting more of a modern or futuristic story. I think the use of an acronym like that kind of frames my in a sci-fi way. The rest of the writing had a fantasy feel. Not sure if more description of clothing/era/current events would help set my mind better. Also, I need clarification on who was laying on the ground. Was it his brother? Captured made it sound like he was taken.
Line edit a little bit. Some of your descriptors or words are repetitive and you can pick something else to break up the text a bit. Minor things really.
When he started laughing and getting attacked I was not aware if it was him. I'm not sure if that was the intention but I think it would work better if it was more obvious that he attacked himself and he switched from crying to laughing more obviously.
I liked when you added more information about his family and this kingdom. But it's a bit too mysterious at times. A couple of sentences describing them or at least his role in them would orient me when I read about his brother/parents/kings (I assumed he was in the line for succession).
The story might benefit from being a little longer, but is good as is. Hope this helps!