Lobster v. Tuna

different dinner dates

 

She comes home,

from a dinner date with a friend,

dressed to the nines and feeling warm

 

She closes the door, finds herself alone.

She rests in the foyer and calls him

knowing he’s down the street, at the bar

He answers that he’s there for just one more.

 

She thinks of walking but her steps slip slide

and she decides to stay home,

 

She dreams that he undresses her,

gently pulling the zipper from her leather

boots, lets the seam from her skirt fall to the floor,

her blouse, her hose, all following suit.

 

She sits, smoking,  watching the air

turn stale; she waits for a minute more

then retreats

 

to her room and undresses

puts on his clothes, to be close to a man who

seems too far away;

 

She listens to sad music, she reads books

written in other countries and he walks in,

beer in hand and says he’s going to make tuna.

 

 

Reviews

[Luna Tique Fringe]

I like this, as I (and most woman) can relate to it.

I hope this won't offend, but i think this could use some edits...perhaps starting some pronouns and some of the details..

love, love the juxtapostion of the lobster and tuna in the title and all that implies.

maybe something along these lines, just my opinion for what it's worth.


home,

she closes the door,
and finds herself alone

calls him
knowing he's at the bar
he answers -
just one more

rests (lingers) in the foyer
and dreams of his hand pulling(sliding) the zipper
of her leather boots and [pencil] skirt

she exhales, watches the smoke curl,
then grinds out her cigarette
and slip-slides to her room

puts on his clothes, to be close
to man who seems far away;

sad music plays, she reads
books in foreign languages,
waiting

he walks (drifts/stumbles) in, beer in hand
says (announces/slurs) he's going to make tuna.

...

Even if you don't care for my suggestions, I hope I've made
a friend and not an enemy. I welcome any and all the constructive critique I can get.

[Michael X]

I really liked this, the idea sensuousness in the making, and quite an intriquing reflection, colorfully subtle, dipped in passion, Really nice job

[Viper9]

Love this, peering into a life and a mind. I see myself in she and he. Not sure which I prefer.

[Mark]

You left out the rain that ran down the glass ... :-) Good write, and I agree with Ed. I hate cameras and mirrors.

[Ed Hart]

isn't a god damn shame that we're always looking in the mirror...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I've never eaten any lobster and I don't like tuna unless its a blackened steak but I can make some cod filets that will melt in the mouth. I liked this poem, I was thinking it was time for the guy at the bar to tell his buddies he left something turned on at home though. lol great job.