Chapter 1.

First Chapter in a story about death, and how reapers are made.

He didn’t mean to do the things he did, he often felt compelled to act without thinking, and would continue to feel remorse for his misdeed many hours and days after the initial act was over, Albert lee Conger, looked down at the smashed bottle of jam on the floor, it was an accident, but he knew that he was going to hear about it from his father, he didn’t want to hear about it, so he took off his gloves and quickly picked it up with his bare hands, shards and all and tossed it into the trash, he didn’t mean to do things like that but it was that he was clumsy and often would act without much forethought to what was going to happen if he grabbed a heavy brand new bottle of jam off of the top shelf while wearing two pairs of rubber gloves. He took off the first pair and sanitized the second pair. He never felt quite clean in this house, but he never really found the initiative to leave. “Lee what was that noise?” his father yelled from the other room, before Lee could answer he heard his fathers thudding footsteps from the next room, the paint staind work boots so clear in his mind, the same ones that his father had always worn, they were brown and oversized looking, and elicited a fear response automatically from him as they thudded down the hallway and into the kitchen. His fathers face of loathing and disappointment was already plain to see in the kitchen doorway as he stepped into the frame. “Goddamit Lee, why did you have to go and do some stupid s**t like that!?” his father yelled. “Clean that s**t up!” he yelled before Lee could even formulate a response. “Yes father” Lee said, fear trembling in his voice. “Goddamnit lee, when are you gonna grow up? You’re twenty eight f*****g years old, and you still live in my goddamn house, when are you gonna move out?” His father asked. Lee’s father whose name was also albert was a painter for a living, it wasn’t much of a living in fact, but with the money that Lee’s mother made as a psychiatrist working for the state they were able to afford a large brownstone house in one of the quieter suburbs of northern california. “I don’t want you around here anymore, Goddamnit Lee, did you hear me?” his father screamed, Lee couldn’t hear him anymore his voice was being drowned out by the white noise that was ringing in Lee’s ears. Sometimes it would happen that way, he would get scared or angry, or frustrated and he would black out. His mother had told him that it was a by product of the medication he was taking for his grand mal epilepsy, It did him no good to argue with his father, it would just keep going on and on, so he grabbed a rag from the sink in silence and cleaned up the mess of jam on the floor. “That's right, you get on your hands and knees like the dog you are, you piece of s**t!” his father spat at him, before he could control it Lee felt himself slipping out of consciousness and into a realm of his own making where he would go to see his mother. “Oh Albert, my poor little Albert, did your father hurt you again? I don’t know why I suffer that man” his mother cooed and awed and kissed his forehead, taking him in her arms and rocking him gently to sleep. He woke up on the kitchen floor, covered in Jam, his father laid beside him with his throat cut open. Lee simply sighed and let his arms fall to his sides, this had happened before, he had acted without thinking again, but this time it was something much worse, he didn’t know how to get rid of a body, he was a hypochondriac with schizoaffective disorder, who had been diagnosed with grand mal epilepsy when he was fifteen, he laid down next to his father on the floor, and thought about what to do. “There’s no use crying over spilled milk” he heard his mothers voice saying to him. Lee stood up and went to the basement, the basement where his mother had planned to build a cellar, and store all of her luxurious and expensive wines, but like most plans it went sour on the vine. Lee’s beautiful mother had died of a cyst in her brain when he was only eighteen, and even though she had been gone for ten years Lee could still hear her voice. He knew that it was just part of the mental disorder he had, but he felt comforted by it. In the basement of the old brownstone house Lee found a shovel, he broke through the earth digging with the fury of a miner who had struck a vein of gold “I finally did it, I finally did it!” he found himself saying over and over again, as he laughed and cried, the tears stinging his eyes as he finally hit solid clay and could dig no further. Lee went back into the kitchen to examine his father, he decided to leave him in his coveralls, it was his profession, and possibly his passion, so why not bury him in the clothes he wore most of the time. Lee looked at his work, the work that he hadn’t meant to do, but was now done nonetheless, and now he had to finish it. His fathers bald head and glassy blue eyes seemed like the face of a doll now, the surprised expression on his face that was semi frozen, and then below that the gash where Lee had slashed his throat from ear to ear, Lee didn’t remember doing it, but even in his stupefied medicated state he could think of no one else who would be capable of doing such a thing, or available at the same time as he blacked out. So by virtue of elimination it was Lee, and somewhere deep in his mind he knew that he had wanted to do this forever, there was some sick satisfaction in seeing his father, his lifelong abuser now helpless, lifeless on the floor, Lee caressed his fathers face, the only time in his life he had ever even been close to his father, and now it would be the first and last. Lee grabbed two black trash bags from under the sink and rolled his father’s body onto them. He then went into the living room and pulled the cheap Chinese rug out from under the coffee table, he got two more trash bags and lined the rug with them. Flipping his fathers body back onto the other side so that now it was face down. He dragged the rug into the basement, he thought it would be much harder, but at this late stage of his fathers life he was mostly skin and bones, as though most of him had been eaten away by time. The hardest part was getting him down the stairs without incident. He climbed down the stairs balancing his fathers body to try and get better leverage on it. He stood on the floor and pushed and pulled and heaved his tiny weight from one side to the other in a rocking motion to try and drop his father’s body directly into the hole so that gravity would do most of the work for him. Lee was no strong or athletic man, he was a product of his sheltered upbringing, his mother was a central california socialite who had married down, in terms of mentality and money, when she passed she left a small inheritance in a trust fund for Lee and nothing but the house for his father, which was possibly the source of his hatred and ongoing torment. But that was all over now. It settled into his conscious mind what he had done as he piled the wet dirt on top of his fathers mortified face. He had been working on adrenaline and fear and didn’t think about the consequences of what he had done. He had to clean the house, it had to be spotless, he couldn’t leave a trace. He worked quickly now, finding a strength and agility he didn’t know he possessed, packing the dirt back into the earth as best he could with the flat of the shovel after he had filled it in to make it look as though it had never been disturbed. A fine sweat trickled down his brow, and he realized how cold the old house was. He never sweated, and always wore layers of clothing so he didn’t ever feel it, but there was definitely a draft coming from under the house. He climbed back up the stairs and noticed the long streak of blood that led directly into the kitchen, it basically said “Look at me i’m guilty” he stepped around it as carefully as possible making for the kitchen; under the sink he found a new bag of disposable rags, a box of rubber gloves, several gallons of bleach, a bottle of muriatic acid, some formaldehyde, and a half used bottle of ammonia, he reached for the bleach and the rags, on into the night he worked cleaning up the evidence of his crime. Until finally several hours later he was free of the red streak that could upend and ruin his already precariously balanced life. And that was when he saw it, his tennis shoes had been tracking dirt from the basement and small splotches of blood across his freshly cleaned floor the entire time “Lee you goddamn f*****g idiot! If you’re going to do something, do it right!” he heard his fathers voice scream at him. Panicked he took off his shoes and threw them in the garbage, “you f*****g idiot they’re going to find them at the city dump, you goddamn moron” he heard his fathers voice again. He pulled his shoes out of the trash and placed them in the sink for later washing. He went into the basement and grabbed the shovel, he kept hearing his fathers voice so he had to make sure that it was just in his head. He dug back into the earth, and there only a few inches down he saw the tip of his fathers nose, he collapsed to the floor in silence, he didn’t know what to think, but maybe it was time to up the dosage of his medication. Or perhaps he had missed a dose. “Yeah that’s it boy, medicate yourself until you’re all numb, that’ll make everything better you murderous little s**t!” his fathers voice sounded as though it was just behind him, he turned around and looked, and there standing in partial darkness as though he was now a shadow, in his coveralls, and his paint stained work boots, and with his newly cut throat was the man he hated and feared the most. “Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily?” His father asked. “I’ll always be here for my boy,” his father said, chuckling to himself. He walked towards Lee, arms outstretched, with a grotesque smile plastered across his face, Lee swung at the body in the grave with the shovel. It made a sickening crunch as it hit wet bone penetrating almost all the way to the brain. For a moment the shadow of his father disappeared, he didn’t know where it had come from, or what it was, or what it wanted. But he didn’t believe it was his father, Lee didn’t believe in spirits or ghosts, or demonic entities of any sort, it was illogical; in the context of his life it was much more likely that it was a hallucination, lee shook and trembled to his very core, it was as though he was having a waking seizure, he managed to get to his feet, and stumbled up the stairs, delirious with what he had just seen, he pulled himself up the stairs to his bedroom, his body felt like it weighed a ton, like he was slogging through a swamp and only he felt it, the air felt thick and his breathing was labored, he felt as though he was going to pass out, but he forced himself to stay awake. Lee got to the miniscule bathroom that was adjacent to his room and managed to take his medication. “One, two, three, four” Lee counted to himself as part of his self calming routine, he looked at his face in the mirror, he thought at one point in his life, he would be handsome, but now it wasn’t so, he was gaunt, as though he was the ghost now haunting this house. He was a pale fellow, with glasses that made him look forty eight instead of twenty eight, and just a hint of  a widow's peak where you could tell that he was going to lose his hair in a few years. He brushed his hair to the side of his head trying to maintain it as best he could. He took off the rubber gloves he wore and threw them in the trash, exchanging them for new ones. He knew that he still had work to do, but it could wait until the morning, he supposed that now his father was truly dead once and for all, and with the potent mixture of antipsychotics and painkillers floating through his blood stream he didn’t think he would be seeing dear old dad for a while. He walked to his room and collapsed on the bed, sleep took him instantly, sweet merciful sleep. In his dreams, which were often the same. He could be anywhere, or anyone, and he wouldn’t have to think about his life that he had wasted living in this run down brownstone in his small backwater suburb with his abusive father, he wouldn’t even have to think in words or logic. Dreams can come as pictures, symbols, sometimes their meaning and motive is hidden even from the dreamer, and that was what he loved about dreams, and sleep. You could be anywhere you wanted to be, even if you were stuck inside of the same four walls. 

It was dark, he was floating in a room that was made out of storm clouds, he couldn’t speak, and his body was held in place. Around him there were nine entities, judging him, looking into him, they couldn’t speak human languages for they didn’t have mouths, but the ideas they formulated for him didn’t sound good. He was dead, in the place of judgment, awaiting his trial, and for the deeds he had done he would surely burn. But the rain splattered cool on his hot face, making him feel at ease… 

Lee woke up because he had left the window open and it was just starting to sprinkle outside, the rain was cool against his hot face. He laid on his side trying to come to terms with what he had done, he didn’t remember it. But he knew that he had done it. Murder, the unforgiveable sin. The rain started picking up and it spoke to him “murderer” “Liar” “shithead” it said, and it sounded a lot like his father. ``Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!” he heard behind him. He felt an icy cold spot in his chest where his heart should be, and the blood froze in his veins, his usually pale face turned so white you could see the blue veins like lines on a road map, his eyes bulged out of their sockets instinctively. He turned around to look, and there sitting on the side of his bed was his dead father, white hair clumped to the sides of his head, decrepit brown toothed smile, cut throat still leaking blood. “You and I have an appointment in the basement little Al!” his father said. He kicked instinctively to try and escape and fell out of bed directly onto his face, crushing his glasses that he had left on when he went to sleep. “Ohh poor little Albert, couldn’t quite make it, couldn’t do anything right, so he did it all wrong!” his father said in a mocking tone, letting out a choked laugh that was sickening to the ear “You’re not here, You’re not here!” Lee said to himself rocking back and forth on the floor, he plugged his ears with his fingers, and shut his eyes as hard as he could. “You’re not real! You’re just a hallucination” Lee screamed with his eyes still shut tight. He felt a force, electric, but still very much physical, pull down on his arms. He finally pulled his fingers out of his ears and sat upright against the bed, Opening his eyes, but there was nothing there. “Do you remember the time when you were about ten years old and you found that kitten, and first you were overjoyed and ecstatic to have a pet, but then you found out you had to clean up its s**t, and feed it, and care for it for real, and then you didn’t like it so much, and one day it got bigger, and it scratched you, so like the maniac you are you strangled the cat to death with a telephone cord” His father said in a calm tone. Lee remembered the cat, but not the ending of the story his father had explained, his mother had told him it ran away. “Why do you think I’ve been so mean to you all this time you looney toons freak!” “I don’t know where you came from, or what psych ward your mother got you from, but you’re no goddamn son of mine!” his father laughed again, Lee looked around the room but couldn’t see anything. “Hey Little Albert, Boo!” the apparition of his father was floating just inches above his head. Lee sat on the floor and plugged his ears again, rocking himself back and forth and counting to one hundred in his head to soothe himself, and hopefully bring this chapter to a close, he knew that what he had done was evil, that it was wrong no matter how malicious someone was to kill them. But he didn’t think that he deserved this, was this to be his life now? Forever haunted by the ghost of his father? He didn’t know, but even with his ears plugged he could still hear his father going on a long rant about nothing above him, something that he liked to do with regularity when he was alive, and now that he was dead and didn’t need breath Lee feared that he would never shut up. Lee uncovered his ears, and opened his eyes, if this was to be his fate, then he supposed that it was better to face it now then to let it carry on forever in such a ridiculous manner, if there was some way of ridding himself of his fathers victorian ghost then he had to find it. “What do you want?” Lee finally asked his fathers ghost.   “You’ve got work to do kiddo, remember the basement floods when it rains, and if you’re not careful it’ll give away your whole game” His father said in a taunting rhyming tone. “So what, is that why you’re here? To help me hide your body? To get away with your murder?” Lee asked his fathers ghost. “I don’t know why I’m here, I thought it was all over when you jammed that broken glass in my neck, but here I am, and if I knew I was going to be stuck with you forever I would have saved us both the trouble and finished myself off” His father said in a joking manner. “Can you take this seriously for once goddamnit?” Lee said to his father, he never knew the appropriate time to joke, and when to be serious, it was the hallmark of a man with lower breeding and lower education. Lee always thought of himself as somewhat of an educated initiate, he read frequently and was educated on many different subjects but all of it was just book smarts, none of it had ever been applied to the real world. “I suppose you blame me for this entirely” his father said, Lee sat on the floor cradling his head still trying to come to terms with the actions he had taken, trying to pry any memory of the ordeal from the his subconscious, but it was no use, whatever part of him had acted out in such a violent and impulsive manner was locked away only to come out when appropriately prodded, but even though he didn’t feel like he had just committed murder he still felt a lingering sense of guilt, but that was mostly over ridden by a more solid feeling of release and relief at knowing he would no longer have to deal with his abusive father. “Just remember you did this, and now you have to live with the consequences' ' His father said. Lee stood up and went to the medicine cabinet, he needed another dose of his medicine, it wasn’t technically time yet, but he felt that it would help him get through his next grim task that needed to be done, lest he be discovered and spend the rest of his days rotting in a mental institution covered in grool and drool and hopped up on thorazine until he couldn’t even turn his head, waiting for the darkness to take him. “Uh oh, no more pills buddy boy” his father said looking over his shoulder. “Can you shut the hell up!” Lee screamed at him, “Well excuse me, I was only trying to be helpful,” his father said with a defensive look on his face. This is getting too much, Lee thought to himself, he would never have another moment of privacy at this point, he wished whatever it was that was broken inside of him, the thing that made him sick, and made him kill would have thought before taking the last step, because now it was lee who was now dealing with the strange consequences, not this other shadow self that lee had never met or come into contact with. In fact his father had seen the other side of Lee more times then Lee had. Lee headed down the stairs to finish his grim task, he looked out the window, the sun still hadn’t risen, but he could tell from the low rising clouds that it was going to be an overcast and gray day. 

He worked for several more hours, cleaning the dirt off his shoes, scrubbing out the stains he had left the night before, and then before the storm came he dug his fathers out of the basement, and moved it into the meat freezer in the garage, he had to take out all of the hamburger and steak that had been frozen in there for god knows how long, all of it was encrusted in a thick layer of permafrost and no one was going to eat it. He threw it all into the trash, “are you really gonna do that? Just throw away a hundred pounds of perfectly good meat?” his father asked as he floated over his shoulder. He didn’t answer, he needed to practice ignoring the floating apparition if he was going to go into public and appear normal, or at least as normal as he always seemed. He headed upstairs and put on a new set of clothes, they were the same as the clothes he had been wearing before, but he liked regularity, and orderly cleanliness. It was the same thing he always wore, it was a long sleeve white polo shirt with a pair of dark denim pants, he put the shoes he had committed the murder in deep into his fathers closet and pulled out a pair of walking shoes. He had to go to the pharmacy. Lee never liked going out, he lacked his mothers social graces, or his fathers lackadaisical attitude when it came to dealing with strangers, he always felt like they were trying to pry into his business, with their rote and memorized questions they had been trained to think were polite such as “how are you today?” or “did you find everything alright?” or even worse “How are you doing?” it just felt so trite and contrived that he never answered, and they in turn thought he was rude or a space cadet, or some other thing that they would call him behind his back. He covered his face with two medical masks and washed his hands, and put on his first pair of gloves, he then covered that pair in hand sanitizer and put on a second pair “do you think that’s going to protect you? You’re pathetic” his father said, Lee didn’t reply, still ignoring him. The pharmacy he went to was an old school soda shop that had been retrofitted with a modern day pharmacy in the back, they only had one register and everything was covered in black and white stripes to give it a retro look and feel, he didn’t particularly like the man who ran it, or his offspring but his mother had known him when she was alive and they were always talkative with one another, so he in turn extended the same courtesy to Lee, the pharmacy was called Milton’s old time pharmacy, it was ran by an elderly man with the unfortunate name of Milton Morton, he had immigrated from germany sometime in the late 1980’s and bought the old building and converted it into a pharmacy after getting his license in america, his mother and he knew each other because most of her patients went to him to fill their prescriptions and he in turn would give her an incredible deal on pharmaceuticals for her son, and he gained lots of business in return. The day to day functions of the pharmacy were now mostly run by Milton’s half Mexican son, who he had fathered in the later part of his life, being no more than twenty four or twenty five years old, while Milton was in his eighties. It was a short walk to the corner pharmacy, but having committed such a heinous act the night before Lee felt the judgemental eye of the public upon him, or maybe it was god, he didn’t know. His father’s ghost floated just out of range the whole time he walked saying evil things, goading him into making a mistake. “You’re going to f**k up and kill again, then you’ll fry, and i’ll finally be free” his father whispered in his ear as he passed by his neighbor who was raking her lawn, she stopped and stared at him, she always looked at him with such revulsion, a disgust in her eyes that he couldn’t pinpoint, a thought entered his panicked mind, maybe she knew his secrets, maybe she had been watching, maybe she was a lookiloo, and maybe she would get what was coming to her. A flash of rage white hot and painful overtook his thoughts as he walked down the road, maintaining a placid expression that showed no emotion. “Your mother always knew you were a freak, that was why she drugged you up” he heard his father say. “You didn’t behave like all of the other little boys, you always had a sick preoccupation with death, for a while I thought you were going to be a coroner, or mortician maybe” his father went on talking. He looked up and saw the grotesque visage of his father, throat slit from ear to ear, head now partially caved in. “You look disgusting” Lee whispered under his voice, “what was that I couldn’t hear you over the traffic?” his father said mockingly. He started to sweat under his long sleeve shirt. “What’s wrong, nervous?” his father said. He continued ignoring him. The old pharmacy always smelled of mothballs and iodine, the rich scent of popcorn with copious amounts of fake butter stung his nostrils, Lee preferred the iodine, there was a old time popcorn machine in the corner, and a man with a soda jerk outfit on and a sign on it that said. “Popcorn $1, All proceeds go to St. Asissi’s” Lee didn’t know what that charity was, but the overwhelming cornucopia of smells made him want to run back out of the pharmacy, he held in his disgust and clenched his stomach, hoping to physically stop the nausea he was feeling. 

Waiting in line his father floated the aisles of the store, moving up and down trying to interact with various items, to no avail. He saw him fly under a woman's skirt floating between her legs as she walked along. “You should see the view down here” His father said casually. Lee was shaking and sweating and nauseous, his anxiety was making him feel like a rabbit redlining on a track with several hungry greyhounds chasing it. 

Finally after several excruciating minutes, he was next in line. The woman working in the pharmacy was someone he had never seen before. “Refill,” he said, clenching his jaw and placing the empty pill bottles on the counter. “One moment sir” the pharmacy tech said, she took the bottles and went into the back. He peered  over the counter curiously, and before he could look around the corner, the short nondescript tech reappeared with his bottles and handed them back to him “these prescriptions are expired sir” she said in a quiet apologetic tone. 

“How is that possible? Where’s mort?” Lee asked. 

“Morton? The old owner? He’s been dead for three months sir, his son sold the business” she said looking at him curiously. 

“Uh oh, is crazy gonna blow again?” his father taunted him. Lee stood there shaking and sweating gripping his empty bottles as hard as he could, he had been told by his mother that he would be taken care of by Milton’s no matter what, that he wouldn’t have to go to a doctor, how would he even make an appointment? He didn’t even know if he had insurance at this point. “I need these. Can you please just fill them one last time?!” Lee stammered out through clenched teeth. “Sir do not yell at me sir, I will call the police '' The pharmacy tech said. Lee stood there shaking and sweating, but stepped out of line, an inhuman rage filled his very being to bursting and he felt like he was going to have another episode. “F**K IT!!!” Lee screamed and rushed out of the store, he didn’t want to deal with that little shithole anymore anyways, he had never liked Milton Morton, or the way he would stare at his mother, hungry and lustful, in fact he was glad he was dead. Lee knew what they were up to, he knew what they were all up to, they had been planning this all from the beginning, it was all a game, a ploy to get him to blow up and lose it. To get him locked up in a sanitarium safely behind glass where he would quietly perish from a staph infection. The world spun and his vision shifted as though everything was fading out and staticy, he ran out of the store as quick as he could and took his mask off, vomiting on the sidewalk in front of the store, he puked out a thick yellow bile for lack of anything in his stomach. The world around him darkened and he doubled over. He needed to get home before he had another episode. The last thing he saw as the world faded out of view was his fathers smiling face peering down on him from above.

He woke up in the back of an ambulance hooked up to a EKG machine, with an IV drip in his arm he looked around and saw that there were no police and he wasn’t handcuffed, a good sign, he didn’t see his fathers ghost in view and for a few moments thought he was finally rid of him. He had a cannula in his nose forcing pure oxygen into his lungs. “What happened?” Lee managed to speak even though without his medication it felt physically painful, the words leaving his mouth stung at him like he dropped something on his big toe. “You collapsed on the sidewalk pal, we're taking you to mercy general, relax, try not to talk too much” A thickly muscled EMT in a shirt that looked two sizes to small spoke up quickly, he didn’t seem to have any bedside manner as he stuck a needle into Lee’s arm swiftly “drawing blood” the EMT said matter of fact, he released the needle leaving a stint in his arm, and one by one drew much more blood than Lee felt that they would need. “What are you going to do with all of that blood?” 

“Just relax” He said as he put one tube after the other. Lee felt drained and exhausted, he let the darkness take him away to another dream. This time; he was standing in a line, like the longest delicatessen line he had ever seen and in the line were millions of souls as far as the eye could see, the floor once again appeared to be made of storm clouds, or some similar substance from the dreamworld, Lee stepped out of line as he seemed to be the only one who was aware of where they were, all of these people were dead, or disembodied at least, and they were waiting their turn, for what Lee didn’t know, but he walked for what felt like forever, and that was when he saw it. The machine, it was a massive chrome looking thing that had a flat induction tube that would suck up souls one by one sending them through some kind of massive ringer that pulled away all of their earthly memories and shot them back into a new infant body, to the left of the machine an entity that was bright white and luminescent like the sun was pulling the lever that operated the machine, that was when it noticed him, its eyes were like looking into a dark blue nebula and seemed to speak in a language that was not of this earth, it pointed at him and spoke, sending waves across the floor. He felt his stomach drop into a pit, some kind of guttural fear gripped him as the creatures started to advance on him, he backed up and hit something as solid as a wall, it was one of the creatures, it grabbed his shoulder and he heard in his mind “you don’t belong here”, he woke up tangled in the various IV and EKG chords attached to his body from thrashing around. He was covered in sweat and at some point had vomited on himself again. A young black female doctor in a white coat walked in and stood by the side of his bed with a clipboard. “Mr conger? My name is Dr. Sheila Green, and we need to have a talk” Lee pushed himself up on his elbows and sat looking at her, she was a vision, she carried herself with a deep dignity that belied an even deeper confidence, for some reason she reminded him of his mother. “Ok, what would you like to talk about” “I’m trying to figure out what you were doing mixing five different antipsychotics and two different painkillers in a dosage high enough to kill a small horse, were you trying to kill yourself?” Lee sat perplexed for a minute, but remembered they had done his bloodwork. “No it’s my medicine, I suffer from schizoaffective disorder, and grand mal epilepsy, I also have severe delusions as well as hallucinations” he told her, he didn’t know why but he mentally kicked himself for spilling the beans so quick on himself. “So you take Five antipsychotics, and three separate painkillers that are used for people with spinal injuries? Just the doses of dilantin and dilaudid you were on is enough to kill most people, who prescribed this to you?” Lee stayed quiet in the bed, “Mr. Conger, I am not playing any games, who prescribed these to you, medication prescribed in this dose, in this mixture, would make anyone think they are psychotic, who is your primary doctor?” Lee stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. It was his mother, now his worst fears had been concerned, she was trying to kill him. Even she hated him and wanted his demise. The image he held in his mind of the perfect porcelain woman with no faults and no issues shattered, and he remembered back to all of the times she had left him alone in different stores when he was crying or walked off from him when he grabbed for her hand, or cried for her, or all of the time as an infant that he spent alone crying in his crib as she tried to break him of his need of her, he purposefully misremembered her, and instead only remembered what he wanted, the drugs were leaving his mind and he felt himself becoming clearer, maybe he hadn’t killed his father just yesterday, maybe it was all in his mind. Maybe he had been made insane by the doses of drugs his mother had given him to keep him quiet. “Mr. Conger? Are you here?” Dr. Green asked. Lee was staring straight ahead at the wall, his entire world view and outlook had been turned upside down. There was no more refuge in his psyche, he was truly without respite now, he could no longer hold the image in his mind of his mother as perfect and untouched by the wickedness of the world. She was just as vile as his father, just in a different way. He pulled the white hospital blanket over his head as his psyche started to unravel. He wanted to be far away from here, but he couldn’t escape himself. “Mr Conger, I’ll come back when you’re feeling better, and we’ll discuss this further then, get some rest” Dr. Green said, and left the room. He was collapsing in on himself like a neutron star, when he heard a familiar voice. “I told you, even your mother knew you were a freak, she just didn’t say it out loud because it wasn’t polite” Lee pulled down the blanket and saw his father standing there at the foot of his bed, with his neck still pouring blood down the front of his white coveralls. Lee pulled the blanket back over his head and tried to shut him out, but if the powerful cocktail of drugs he was on didn’t work he had little hope that a thin white hospital blanket would do the trick. 

There was a thick smell of rotting flesh that seemed to permeate the air in the room, he couldn’t block it out, he tried holding his nose which did nothing, Lee instead tried breathing through his mouth but it only made it worse, Lee tasted a sharp taste of longing, a strange hunger filled the back of his throat, it was languid, something that seemed to be intangible, he didn’t quite know how to place it as he had never before tasted it, but it was something wholly familiar to him, like an old friend that had come back into his life after a long time. He was put at ease by it, he had never in his life been put at ease by anything. There was silence, maybe he just needed to get away from that house for a while, his thoughts went back to the body of his father now accruing permafrost in the meat freezer in the garage. But for some reason it didn’t bother him, it felt like it had happened years ago now. He pulled the blanket down, and tucked it in under his arms. 

“Hello Lee, Do you know who I am?”A tall thin man in a black suit was standing at the foot of his bed, the door was still shut and Lee hadn’t heard any footsteps. 

“The police?” Lee asked tentatively, but he didn’t feel that from this stranger. 

“Not quite, do you mind if I?... the man asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it before Lee could answer.

Lee stayed quiet not wanting to give away anything else to this stranger, he didn’t know if he was the FBI, or police, or a detective, but he certainly looked the part, so Lee shut his mouth and turned over on his side. “I am he who balances all scales, I am the one who removes all delusions from your eyes, peasant, king or pauper, I am the last face they ever see” The strange man said as he smoked. “And I am here for you Lee” The man finally said, pointing a bony finger in his direction.

“So who are you?” Lee asked. 

“Developing a sense of humor now are we Lee? I like that, ``the man said. The man took a long drag from his cigarette and walked across to the other side of the room, he pulled back a set of hanging curtains revealing an aged man, connected to an ekg machine and several other devices possibly keeping him alive. “Do you see this man?” the thin man asked Lee. Lee looked over without a word, the man was decrepit, and looked as though he were already gone save for the tube down his throat that was keeping him breathing, his face was severely dehydrated, and his eyes were half open and glassy. “You see Lee, in this day and age, people just don’t want to accept death, they don’t think of it as something necessary, but it is, Like your father, that was necessary wasn’t it?” the thin man asked calmly as he puffed away on his seemingly never ending cigarette. Lee said nothing, he just clamped his mouth shut, and tried to remain as magnanimous looking as possible. “Of course you don’t, but I’m not here to judge you Lee, I am here for you in a sense, but in another sense I am also here just as much for him” The thin man said pointing at the intubated man on the bed. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Lee finally managed to say through clenched teeth, if this stranger knew about it, then the police had already opened his garage and they were just looking for a confession. “I am going to tell you a story, Lee, and you can listen, it doesn’t matter if you believe me, because it’s all true” The thin man said.  The thin man walked back to the foot of Lee’s bed. “It was in the early 90’s when I met her, I had never been attracted to any human in that way, so I fell fairly hard, you understand?” the thin man asked, but Lee didn’t understand so he just stayed quiet. “Well I had been on assignment, a simple mission really, I had to remove several undesirables, and some other wayward souls that were wreaking havoc on this plane, they were due for processing and recycling, and as I was finishing up my work that was when I saw her, Genaveve, she was a doctor of the mind, she was tall with bright red hair, and smooth pale skin, and more importantly, she could see me, we had an affair, a forbidden tryst, nothing good came of it, nothing that is, except for you” the thin man continued, “I didn’t know she had gotten pregnant, and I didn’t know how to contact you when I found out, it's strictly forbidden for reapers to have contact with humans, any kind of contact, so instead of being dissolved into plasma I just kept my mouth shut, that is until last week when I became the head of the bureau of soul management” The thin man lit up another cigarette and continued talking. “I didn’t have time to come see you until now, and I know there is no making up for lost time, but what I am telling you is that I am your father” the thin man finished. Lee felt a crushing weight come off of his chest, it all made more sense now, why he looked nothing like his father Albert, why he hated him so much from the time he was a small child, and why they were nothing alike at all. He would have fought it more. “So you’re dear old dad? And what’re you supposed to be then the grim reaper?” Lee asked in a sarcastic tone of voice. “Sarcasm will get you nowhere Lee, and not the, but a grim reaper, one of many '' the thin man said, exhaling smoke into the room. “So why are you here now?” Lee asked, he wasn’t sure but he felt that this could be another delusion brought on by the lack of medication in his system. “Well I want to right my wrongs Lee, sometimes even the reaper has regrets, and not being there for you is one of mine, sure I tried to be in your life in subtle ways, but if the bureau ever found out about you that would have been it and universal dissolution is a lot worse than death, believe me” the thin man said. “So say I believe you, what next? Do you whisk me away in your death mobile, and we just go play father and son somewhere?” Lee said in an agitated tone. “Oh well, that is simple, if you accept what i’m offering, then we leave now, and begin your training, but you can never fully step foot into the human realm again, accept to do your job that is'' the thin man continued, “And what job is that?” Lee asked, “Reaping of course” the thin man said, a wide toothy smile cut across his face, it seemed unnatural, like watching a corpse try to smile. “Say I don’t believe you, what happens then?” Lee asked. “Then I leave, and you go back to your little life, in this little town, filling your need to satisfy death until you get caught and probably killed by the police, because believe me Lee, no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to stop yourself” The thin man said. Lee sat upright in his hospital bed. He knew that this was probably a delusion but something about this man seemed more real and tangible to him than anything he had ever seen or done in his life, there of course was the matter of his house, and of his trust, and his fathers body in the freezer, and of… now he was just thinking of excuses, and even Lee knew that. “Time is of the essence Lee, Reapers aren’t the only thing, or the worst thing out there, and I’m sure with your little antics in your house, you’ve probably attracted several different class of creature to you, they could be headed here as we speak” the thin man said, lighting another cigarette. Lee was torn, he wanted to leave it all behind, but he had always been so weak and sick and frail, and what if this was just another delusion, he’d had severe delusions of grandeur in the past that led him into dark places. “Well I guess it is better to show then it is to tell” the thin man said. He walked over to the intubated old man and grabbed his foot. The ekg machine flatlined instantly and alarms started going off, a nurse rushed in, then several more, they tried to revive the old man to no avail, pumping at his chest, and using an AED to try and revive him, but it was no use, he was gone. The whole time the thin man stood in the corner smoking, and no one seemed to notice him, or if they did they didn’t say anything. He stood watching his handiwork with a satisfied look on his face, and that was it Lee decided that even if it was a delusion he was going to see it to the end no matter what, if this was to be his new life, he could accept that. “You see them scurrying, trying to save this man with a broken body, never thinking that it was just his time” the thin man whispered in Lee’s ear. The commotion in the room died down as the nurses all started packing their things, they all lowered their heads as though they had failed him, but it wasn’t a failure, it was just the next stage in his development. After everything calmed down the soul of the man who had just died appeared above his body, wearing a suit instead of the hospital gown he had died in, it was an old brown suit that looked as though it was made of a set of drapes and he wore old style cap toe shoes that were slightly scuffed, he had on a fedora that was also well worn and slightly smashed down as well, everything about the man was slightly smashed and pudgy and it was clear that his favorite color was brown. “Gary it’s time to go” The thin man said, extending his hand towards the floating apparition. “Go whaddya you mean go? I just got here” Gary the ghost said. “This is where it gets tricky, if a soul doesn’t want to leave, which is often the case because of residual memories, we have to force them to go” The thin man told Lee. “Gary you were seventy eight, with a severe drinking problem,and you left nothing to your kids, I think it’s best that you come with me” The thin man said, extending his hand one more time in a pleading manner. “I don’t think so pally, I ain’t going nowhere with you’s, I don’t even know you, but you definitely ain’t no angel” Gary the ghost said. “I’m the only angel you’re gonna get, and believe me, I’m a lot more merciful than some” The thin man said. “Aww shucks, do I have to?” Gary the ghost asked. The thin man said nothing, he just reached into his coat and pulled out a lighter, the lighter started to change and morph, extending itself first into a long staff, then seemingly out of nowhere it grew a long curved blade, and finally turned into its final form, it was a scythe, or sickle, Lee didn’t really know which one death used, but he watched in anticipation of what was going to come next. Gary the ghost tried to flee but he could barely move, he was still new to being a ghost and hadn’t quite gotten the hang of locomotion when you have no mass, so he seemed to be running without moving, like a cartoon character. The thin man moved quickly slicing a space in front of Gary that seemed to open a fabric in the rift of space time, Lee had never seen anything like it, but when he looked inside of the opening to the other world it was somehow familiar, he had seen it in his dreams, it was a room where the floors and walls all seemed to be made of storm clouds, it was curious to him how it seemed to cut through the flatness of our three dimensional world, making all of the physical things around it look hollow and empty, as though they were just light illusions, Lee’s eyes were entranced by the other world, he couldn’t look away, and Gary couldn’t run, or even move, he was held in place like a tractor beam and sucked into the rift. If this wasn’t a hallucinatory episode then he didn’t know what was. “So you’re offering me a job?” Lee asked. “No, I am offering you a way out of all of this, a chance to start a new life, ” The thin man said. Lee looked down at his thin frame and his head filled with self doubt, “can I think about it?” Lee asked “I can’t give you forever to decide, so what do you say we make it 72 hours?” The thin man said. “And then what? After 72 hours?” Lee Asked. “Well if you decide not to come with me, I wipe your memory and you go back to your little life to deal with the consequences of your actions” The thin man said as he took a long drag from his cigarette. “Excuse me you can’t be smoking in here” Dr. Green shouted from the doorway. The thin man glanced at her momentarily and gave a wry smile. “You’re absolutely right Dr Green I was just leaving anyways” The thin man said. “And since you know my name, who are you, and why are you smoking in a hospital?” Dr. Green asked insistently. “I’m no one at all,” The thin man said. He walked out of the door, his movement trailed by a cloud of cigarette smoke that almost shrouded his movements like a vapor. Dr. Green looked around the room confused for a minute not sure what she had just seen.  “Mr. Conger? You’re being released of your own volition, but we’ve set up a follow up visit for you to come… Mr conger?” Dr Green was talking, but Lee wasn’t there, he had spiraled down into the depths of himself carrying what little bits of his personality he showed before with them. She placed a file with some papers on the edge of the bed, he signed some things, and they released him. It was nearly midnight, but he felt like walking, it had been ages since he had taken in the cool night air, the moon was three quarters full and high in the sky illuminating everything in a low dusky light. The town he lived in was small, and had been built along railroad tracks in the lost coast of central california around 1890, all of the old houses that were facing the railroad tracks when it was still a town of industry were mostly just ramshackle huts that came alive at one time of the year or so to celebrate the town’s history, at the end of town was a road that connected to the pacific coast highway he had been told that would take you anywhere in california, and that connected to route 66 which would connect you too america, or so he had heard, Lee had never actually left the town he was born in, it had become in a strange way a part of him, part of his cocoon, that he could enshroud himself in like a favorite blanket to comfort him if need be, everyone in the town already knew him and knew his eccentricities, it was familiar, and in a way that was comforting to him, he rounded a bend where there was a shopping plaza that was only half full of businesses, which led into the newer streets that were laid during the third industry boom of the 1960’s, where his little brownstone, two story wood and brick townhouse had been built, and still stood to this day. The moonlight washed out all of the harsh colors of the neighborhood that some of the more gaudy neighbors had painted their homes, in the pale light, and calming darkness, the pinks, and oranges were washed out to more subtle and pleasing colors to the eye, Lee noted that everything truly was better at night and that was proof enough for him. He stood in front of his abode, looking on with trepidation, thinking of the myriad possibility of ways that things could have gone wrong since his trip to the hospital necessitated his being away. He could feel it as soon as he touched the doorknob, his father’s ghost was inside, waiting for him, patiently. “And what took you so long?” He heard his fathers voice, but didn’t see his apparition. Lee didn’t answer. He walked to the garage and checked on the freezer where he had placed his fathers remains, “checking in on dear old dad? Now you care?” Lee hesitated to answer. He felt like this was all culminating in his eventual capture, he didn’t see how this could go any other way, so he resigned himself to it, he took his fathers now frozen body out of the freezer and hefted it over his shoulder with a strength he didn’t know he had “What’re you doing?” He heaved the body upstairs and placed it on his fathers bed, tucking it in. “you’re some kind of freak, you know that?” Lee still didn’t answer. He walked downstairs to the garage and grabbed a can of paint thinner, “what’re you doing? What is this?” His father’s ghost now pleaded with him to answer. 

“I’m cleaning up my mess” Lee said, he popped the lid off of the paint thinner and threw it all across the room, dowsing everything in a thin layer of turpentine. He moved to the next room and did the same. “So you finally realized that there's no way out for you huh buddy boy?” His father taunted him. “Well I hope you fry” His father said spitefully, disappearing momentarily. He didn’t know how to summon the reaper, he didn’t even know his name. “It’ll all be okay, it’ll all be fine” Lee said to himself as he went into the garage and found another can of turpentine, he walked along the house pouring the flammable liquid along the base of the walls, letting it soak in, “this isn’t going to cover anything up, you know that right” his father screamed at him. He ignored the ghost and kept pouring the turpentine, the fumes from the noxious liquid stung at his lungs and throat, but still he stayed focused on his task. Finally after several more minutes of carefully pouring and dowsing even into the small crevices, if the reaper didn’t come, then he would burn to death and all of this would be over, if he did come then he would accept, he wasn’t like he really enjoyed anything here, he liked the town in the dark and silence of the night, but that was it, he thought about the next day, and the day after that, where he would have to take the trash out and see mrs. butterman with her perpetually frowning face, it was just too much, and sometimes when you’ve stepped too far, you can’t step back. Lee stood in the foyer, feeling around in his pockets and realized he didn’t have a lighter, he didn’t even know if there was a lighter in the house, he walked to the kitchen and fumbled through cabinets looking for the old lighter his father used to use to light the burners, and the water heater. “This oughta do it’’ he found the lighter and headed to the base of the stairs where he had soaked the carpet covered stairs completely through. For several minutes Lee stood, stooped over trying to get the old lighter to click on “goddammit, you piece of s**t, work!” he screamed to himself trying to light the wick in the old light until he gave it a rest out of frustration. Standing there breathing in the turpentine, the smell brought back old memories, when he was a child, working alongside the man he had called his father all those years ago, he didn’t remember the series of events that had soured their relationship, but sometime between the ages of 10-12 his “father” had completely changed and had started treating him like he was an invader in his house, instead of his own son. He let go of the memory as he stood, his head spun as the noxious fumes threatened to take him before he could complete his task and burn this place to the ground. He stood in the living room, cold sweat streaking down his face, when he felt a cool breeze, he turned around and the door was open. “Allow me” The thin man appeared, standing right beside Lee. “goddamn!” Lee jumped back, scared at his sudden appearance. He was holding a match to a cigarette between his lips to light it. “I like your style Lee, so you want to start fresh? And let the past burn away?” The thin man asked, with the match poised between his fingertips, ready to drop onto the carpet and ignite the house. “How do I know this is real? How do I know you’re real?” Lee asked him. “I’m as real as they come Lee” the thin man said, letting the match drop to the carpet. The flame started small trailing its way along the base of the wall, until it reached his fathers room, and he could hear a cracked and a faint smell of burning meat, the fire then doubled on itself as it consumed its own tail and traveled back down the stairs covering the entire stairs in a bright backdraft of red flame that threatened to take Lee and the thin man with it. “I suppose we should get out of here” The thin man said. Lee turned on his heel and headed for the door. Before he could reach the threshold for the door Lee felt an ice cold claw grip him, it felt like he had been grasped by a skeleton. Before he could turn to look at the thin man, everything around him turned bright blue, and light flashed before his eyes brighter then he had ever seen, and before he could stop it, he was being compressed, and deconstructed at the same time, it was like his body was being uploaded to some massive central computer, the pain was excruciating as he felt his physical being decomposing in an instant. “I’m… I’m dying” Lee said as he collapsed to his knees, he looked up at the thin man grasping his arm, and in his eyes he saw an inky black eternity, and in his mouth he saw completion. And then he saw no more. In some dark place of his mind Lee dwelt, it wasn’t a part of his personality, or part of his consciousness, but it was a spark, wandering in the dark alone, he couldn’t help but feel like this was what he deserved for believing his own delusions, he had died in the fire and this was either hell, or he was in purgatory awaiting trial while his body burned to cinders. “Oh well” he thought, as he didn’t seem to have a mouth to speak. He fumbled around the dark room trying to feel the breadth and width of it, the walls were soft, and he was hunched over, he couldn’t fully stand up. He laid on his side momentarily and pulled his legs in close until he was in the fetal position. “Just getting what I deserve,” he thought to himself. And then suddenly without warning he was breathing cold air that hit his lungs sharp and hard, laying in a green field, overlooking a sharp cliff face that fell directly into the ocean. The thin man was standing on the edge soaking in the moonlight. “It only gets better from here Lee, you can only die once” The thin man said. “You have to go through the threshold of life, and come back to become a reaper. Most of us, that are reapers by design, experience a type of unbirth, but I’ve heard that most humans see their first to last memories when they die, what did you see?” the thin man said. Lee could still barely formulate words, and his vision was just barely coming back as though his brain was loading its preset programs. “Dark… room, alone” Lee managed to get out. “You might have seen the womb, how exciting” The thin man said as he walked towards Lee, the moonlight made his skin look white as bone, and the wisps of black hair were now gone, and lee could see that he had changed his outward appearance somehow. Lee laid on the grass trying to orient himself, he felt like he was still spinning, but otherwise he felt great, better than he ever had before. “C’mon stand up” the thin man said, grabbing Lee under his elbows and helping him to his feet. “You’re now on the path to become part of an elite of ethereal servants of the universe, whose job it is to maintain and balance the scales above all else, it is an honor and a privilege, and I will be your guide, you teacher, and your friend, and it’s gonna be a lot of fun!” The thin man said, he had a sickening look in his eye that could have been a murderous plot or childish glee, it was hard to tell. “Who… who are you?” Lee managed to get out. “I have had many names throughout history, and none of them quite fitting, but you can call me Azrail” The thin man said.