Backbone

a story that's also a riddle

Honestly? I feel a little irresolute right now. Not unresolved as a being, of course, but confused, like certain people get about these things. When people say “show some backbone” they seem to forget that I don’t have one. I haven’t seen the need to grow one, much less show one.

Still, this idea of making promises called “resolutions” when a new year begins caught my attention. It’s a strange human ritual that seems partly modeled on bad fiscal practices. I mean, the greenbacks I have I hold on to for fifty years. I don't promise to have more before I actually do. It’d be like making a bad loan. Or maybe tricking Time. Something odd.

So why do people make these empty, often flash-in-the-pan resolutions? Probably to feel good for a few minutes. Maybe even feel good for a few days. A few months at the outside.

Feeling good is something most people want every day, so I’m sure that’s a reason they do it. Most resolutions are about changing to feel better. Hardly anyone promises to stay the same.

I’ve never had a reason to change anything but size, myself, and I do that slowly, so maybe something is going on here that I don’t understand.

Many people drink too much before they declare their intentions. Perhaps it’s a game. They become fuzzy in thoughts, then think of new ways to improve their lives. They make resolutions without a clear working solution, except maybe alcohol, which seems like a sure way to fail. That may be key to the whole idea.

Put differently, the reasons for resolutions might be a joke. The entire sworn change, such as “I will not drink so much again” or “I will give up the chocolate I adore” or “I swear I won’t be so obtuse” could simply be stated for a laugh. People like to laugh.

At first, mankind was all about simple survival. Oh, and the cave paintings, that fire thing, a wheel or two. I don’t forget. They sometimes laughed too, but they made few promises. Then they moved around more.

Now people are everywhere they’re able to be, and a lot of them make annual resolutions without reservation. They’re the only beings I know capable of making a vow and forgetting it a few seconds later. But some of them make promises anyway, and a few of them try hard to remain steadfast. Some make it through whatever hardships they encounter. Those people are the vertebrates with real resolve. I’m not sure what makes the difference.

Truthfully, I don't know why people make such statements when a year turns. They’re the only beings in the world that do. Does having spines change things? If so, I’m not sure why. If I had a knobby bunch of bones like that, would I do the same? Would I care that way, commit to promises, perhaps cavort while I do? I don’t have such bones, so will never know for sure.

This new year, though... well, after careful study and thousands of years, I think I’ll give “resolutions” a try. A little try, mind. Why am I so nervous about it? Do I need a backbone? A funny hat? Someone to kiss at midnight? Surely not. I have dignity. Curiosity, yes, but dignity overall. Okay, here’s my first resolution ever: I, Harlan’s Secret, do now resolve to stand here some more. What? That’s it. What else could there be?