Visitor

A Story by Ally

“It feels like people are just going about their daily lives, not even realizing you guys are here. Don’t you ever feel ignored? Like you’re in the center of everything but a world of nothing?”

I crunch through the freshly fallen snow, slipping slightly as I make my way up the embankment. Was it always this hard to get to? I wonder this as I trudge on. No, probably not. I’ve been here in snow before, but today is….different. I shake off the thought and continue walking. After much tribulation, I make it to the top. I’m panting from the effort and every sharp breath in makes my nose and throat burn with the bitter cold air. However, as painful as this may be it is not an altogether bad experience. With the stinging air comes winter smells- smoke from fire places, fresh pines, and that scent snow brings that warms me all over. As I sit in a patch of snowless grass under a willow tree laden with white, I catch my breath and look around. The field stretches down for at least a mile, marble slabs of gray and white coming out of the snow in neat rows and columns. I follow them to the gate, where they end and the neighborhood begins. All around me, the perimeters of the field end with something similar- always the spiky iron fence, followed by downtown, or the library, or another regular everyday place. I feel as if I am in another dimension, full of white stones and white snow and white ghosts, while the town outside of my field of death is slathered in color and life. I shiver, extract my gaze, and turn to where you lay.

“It feels like people are just going about their daily lives, not even realizing you guys are here. Don’t you ever feel ignored? Like you’re in the center of everything but a world of nothing?” Of course, you don’t answer. I look for a sign, the rustle of a bush or sigh of the wind to show you’re listening. Sure enough, I hear the soft pat-pat of the snow falling from the willows’ branches into the snow already on the ground. I look over and there’s a bird sitting on the branch, knocking the snow off. He is staring right at me, calmly and serenely, without a hint of fear or hesitation. I smile, knowing it’s you. Only you would come up to anyone without any trepidation and listen to them talk. All at once I see you, sitting in front of me. You’re wearing your favorite jeans with holes in the knees and a button up plaid shirt. Your sandy blond hair is swept to the side and just coming down to your thin eyebrows. You look at me with your patented expression- like you’re taking everything in, slowly soaking up all the details that everyone else seems to miss. Again, I have that feeling that you’ve always given me- that you get it, all of it. That nothing happening right now could get past you. I look into your jade green eyes, which are alight with curiosity but seem to have shadows of sadness just at the edges. Your face is much the same, with your mouth turned slightly down as if you are constantly troubled by something. Tears spring to my eyes at seeing you again, but I quickly wipe them away for fear of them blurring your figure. I have so much to say, to ask, but I can only choke out a weak “hey, you”. You don’t say it back, merely smile your amazing smile. Your eyes light up and the skin around them crinkles. The pained look you carry with you lifts for a second. Your smile makes it so I can no longer stop the tears as I smile back. I want to reach out and touch you, caress your cheek or ruffle your hair. I start to move my hand toward you, but your smile fades and you shake your head sadly. So I put my hand just above your cheek. I am shocked by how warm it feels. I expected you to be cold, colder than anything on Earth could be. Your cheek radiates a warmth that goes into my fingertips and through my bones, my head, my heart. It’s so wonderful, I laugh out loud. Your smile comes back at this. Once the moment has passed, we both just sit there, smiling at each other for another minute. Just as I am getting my voice, you start to shimmer. I stand up in a panic.

“No! Don’t go yet!” You’re standing up now, and you just shrug as if to say, “there’s nothing I can do.” I want to run around and scream and cry but I know I have to compose myself. You’re practically vibrating now, ripples running across your body like waves, making you look smoky and distorted. I know what I have to tell you before you go. I suck in air and hold back tears, but a few still leak out as I say the words.

“I love you.” Beneath the waves I make out your smile. I can’t be sure, but I swear I see you mouth “I love you, too.” Then all at once a wind ripples the branch, making the bird fly away, and you’re gone. Hot tears are streaming from my eyes, but I know it’s not from sadness. My heart just feels too full to keep everything in. The tears come, hard and fast, because something needs to come out. I let them stream for a bit, stopping on their own. Once they’ve dried I go up to your stone marker. Scrawled under a bible verse are two dates, with a hyphen in the middle. I touch the second date, December 25th, 2006. One year ago. As I touch it, a breeze caresses my cheek. Unlike the chill wind rustling through the trees, this breeze is warm and soft, like a light brush of fingers. I smile.

“Merry Christmas, D.” At that, I grab my bag and begin to walk back down the snowy path to the gate. As I go I look up into the cloudless blue sky, watching the bird fly around and around, dancing the dance of the ghosts in this unseen world of white.