Insomnia

This is what I do when I cannot sleep.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

I wish I felt more alive.

I have counted the sheep.

I know all hundred and five by name.

Thinking of the things I have done today.

The good, the amazing and the little bit of shame.

Can't get to bed. I close my eyes.

I just see black and all my lies. 

Toss.

Turn.

Toss. 

Sigh.

Can't fall under. Don't know why.

I thought of you. The mistake I made.

Wishing that my memory would slowly fade.

I thought of my family. The things they said.

I can't get their voices out of my head.

I thought of my life. I thought of it all. 

I really wish reality would fall.

Instead I am here looking up at the 54 tiles, 

Sorting my life into little neat files.

Don't want this feeling as mine to keep.

Insomnia, the worst fate for not falling asleep.

Reviews

[Jesse Lancaster]

I like it a lot. I love the constant pauses and the emphasis on how insomnia makes the persona notice all of these things she wouldn't normally (ex. number of tiles in the ceiling). Great job. ;D

[Greg G]

This is really good. I really enjoyed how you played around with the first and fourth stanza's structure. Try ditching the rhyme scheme for a poem or two. I feel like you have something completely brilliant to write, but the need to rhyme feels like it's somewhat restricting you. If you don't like it, you can always go back to using rhyme. Just a thought.

[GrandDystopia]

As someone who has constant trouble sleeping, this made me chuckle, you totally hit the proverbial nail on the head, i have gone through this so many times. As for the poem i thought it was a brilliantly creative effort, loved the way you did the diagonal words, really caught that restless feeling.
Great work

[John Stussy]

As a fellow insomniac, I'd have to say that this poem was flawless. You captured the annoying restlessness perfectly. Thoughts go whirling, relaxation flees, and before you know it you've covered a hundred different topics mentally. Definitely a favorite poem.

[:DI laugh too much:D]

I love the style of this poem :] when you say "one two three four five," and "toss turn toss sigh" it sounds like you're saying the rhythm to "pick up sticks."

great job!