No Beauty, No Rest

A poem about the inner battle.

It is the demons within me that keep me from my beauty

Not the beauty that the world subscribes to 

Not the beauty how misogynistic Men and boys define you 

Beauty in the spirit and beauty in the heart

Most days the war within me is much too strong

Then I cry, and scream, and stomp along

Believing the lies that are told within

This mind of mine that retorts and spins

The battle continues year after year

Still within me, this whisper shivers 

My neck, my back, every part of me quivers

Defeat, massacre, I want you gone

In this precious mind, you do not belong

 

Never have I known satisfaction

Never have I felt I've done enough

Just another day, Just another disaster

squeeze this extra skin in the mirror

Look of disgust, then sigh of never ending

Today and tomorrow and yesterday, even 

I look for more of myself to believe in

Determined to see my beauty

The creation of absolute power 

I want to love myself the way I love my child

I see no flaw or lack of grace

Maybe someday, in me, I will find that place.