T'was The Night Before Valentine's Day...

Night Before Christmas Spoof.

T'was the night before Valentines.

And all through the house...

The wife was doing dishes, while flipping off at the mouth.

She's was asking for help, so I gave her a glare...

I said "Theirs the sink Woman... wash dishes there!"

 

The children were nestled, all snug in there beds.

Full from a welfare paid dinner, of grape drink and bread.

And momma with her handkerchief, and I in my cap.

Fought for dibs on the bathroom, for a pre-bedtime crap.

 

When out from the kitchen, there arose such a clatter.

I yelled down to my wife, "Holy s**t!! what's the matter!?"

Away to the kitchen, I flew like a flash.

I must have startled her greatly, she cried "Don't beat my a*s!"

 

"I've come to assist you, I thought you should know"

As my eyes saw smashed dishes, in pieces below.

When, what was to my wondering eyes should appear.

Was a mess of a Woman, that better get her a*s in gear.

 

The sight was enough, to make any man sick.

"Come'on Woman get to it, and clean this mess quick!"

More rapid then eagles, did she get the work done.

If the boy was awake, he'd be one proud little son.

 

"Now spoons!, now forks!, now bowls! and plates!

Now cups, now frying pans! and knives for the steak!

From the top of the cupboard to the top of the wall!

Now wash away!, wash away!, wash away all!"

 

As the dry leaves before, the wild hurricane fly.

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up to the house top, clean dishes they flew.

Made a whole lot of racket, and woke the boys in bed too.

 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof.

Was the flapping of wings, and the laugh of some goof.

As I was temporarily distracted, and was turning around.

Down my chimney came Cupid, with a thump and a bound.

 

He was clad in white cloth, from his head to his foot.

I was scared half to death, still, I managed to stay put.

A golden quiver of arrows, he had slung on his back.

As he drew one to his bow, Cupid yelled "ATTACK!"

 

His eyes how they twinkled, his laugh shrill and merry.

As I ran for my gun, to bust a cap in that fairy.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow.

I felt like Neo, from the Matrix, dodging Cupids arrows.

 

I reached for a pipe, and smacked him in the teeth.

I must have caught him off guard, because he let out a shriek.

And I followed that up, with a kick to his belly.

He laughed and it shook, like a bowl full of jelly.

 

He was chubby and plump, that right jolly old fairy.

Did it hurt when he shot me?, no, quite the contrary.

After taking the arrow, I should rightly be dead.

But I felt love for the woman, in my kitchen instead.

 

Cupid said not a word, he knew the arrow had worked.

And I'd be more of a man, and less-so of a jerk.

He stuck out his fist, and we dapped like old bro's.

And giving a nod up the chimney he rose!

 

I woke the next morning, had it all been a dream?

I ran down to the kitchen, and couldn't believe what I seen.

A dirty a*s kitchen, and on the kitchen counter a note.

Reading: "Cupid and I had left, and have plans to elope.

So sorry my Hubby, that it had to end this way.

Still I wish you a pleasant, Happy Valentine's Day"

Author's Note

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TOO ALL <3

Reviews

[Everett DeValle]

LMAO...awesome take of Valentine's Day...in fact, brilliant.