Please

i know you dont wanna see me
but please forgive me for that
i wanna see you so bad it hurts
but please oh please dont tell me how we dont work
i wanna see you tonight
but please baby please come in my dreams
its the only way to make it right

Author's Note

this is about my best guy friend in the world Austin :(

Reviews

[Kaelyn Shea]

awww you get me YAY!!!! im not a lost cuase yayayayayay

[AtticusBlack]

Awww, so full of angst, and like I was saying to you, it's sad how it seems that things don't ever go "right" for people.

[Kaelyn Shea]

thanks s.w.!
i dont know how to do english stuff and im a fail at that stuff so yeah i wouldnt expect much of that stuff but yeah ummm... i dont know what else to write so yeah.... love ya
Kaelyn shea

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Kaelyn Shea,

Thank you for sending me the read request and I love the theme for this poem. The theme of this is something I wrote about but threw away because I honestly suck at love poems. But this is a good poem, a little rough around the edges, but good foundation. And don't exercise a point about being emo, stereotypes have no place in poetry. Poetry is poetry is poetry. It's like a piece of art that cannot be perfect but can be complete.

To the poem: Remember to always check for grammatical errors because you don't capitalize the starts of a sentence. Maybe break this into two stanzas like:
"I know you don't want to see me,
but please forgive me for all I've did.
I want to see you so bad, it's hurting me;
but please, don't tell me how we don't work.

I want to see you earnestly tonight --
no, I want to see you in my dreams.
It's the only way to correct things.
Our love is like a bridge that can be fixed."
But do not feel compelled to edit it how I edited it. I know it was probably rude to do that, but you do have good potential. Just remember to write with your mind as well as your heart to create beautiful pieces of poetry. You are a talented writer in that you can express how you feel better. Also, rethink the title because it isn't what you'd really name a poem. Work on your flow and remove redundant words like in the fourth line. The repetition of "oh please" isn't needed and may just distract the reader's attention. Love 'ya. 8.6/10.

Thank you again.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Kaelyn Shea]

im confused what do you mean?

[Jonathan Ballam]

Interesting piece. I'd re-think the last two lines to be honest. Maybe throw in an image rather than crying out in emotion in the poem?