Cosmo City

In Cosmo City we follow lights, we dance on nostalgic roads we have never touched. We know what they tell us, and we let it keep us content.

Cosmo City

Call me insane if you wish, but the blaring city lights sooth me. Transitional reds, blue, and greens... maybe the occasional flash of purple. Whatever the city is feeling that night, we will know, the city shows all its colors. The city doesn't hold back its emotions, the city is flamboyant and vibrant and it touches our bodies bathing us in colors. Underneath its lights bodies sway and dance, couples hold hands, and newlyweds exchange soft kisses. I slouch over my apartment balcony and look down at all the traffic beneath me, hell this place never sleeps... The cars never stop flowing to unknown destinations and the honking and fussing never stop. 

 

I take a deep breath-- inhaling the unhealthy city air, the smog. This is home, at least that is what I keep telling myself, this is where I belong. Though my sister feels otherwise... maybe it's because she's been reading those damn books again. The books that outline the before life, the life where fields of farmland took up miles and where when night time came you could clearly see the stars. I don't believe everything in those damn books, they just don't make sense. But my sister... she keeps telling me I don't believe because I don't want to-- she tells me that I am just like everyone else, in denial and believing everything that slips out of the government's mouth. 

"Come on Sis, why are they burnin' the books unless they're scared of something that's in those books?" She asks me, clutching a worn novel that has long lost the gold letters on its cover. "Cause sometimes it's best that the government regulates dangerous things, we don't know what is true and what is not in those books." I never take my eyes off the traffic below the balcony, I never turn to face her. I know if I show her my face she will see my uncertainty, my confusion... but mostly my fear. 

"Sis just think about it, all these books are saying similar things about the before life and how it all worked, they all can't be lying! Why would they feel the need to lie to us?" She tries to reason with me, and at first, it went in one ear and out the other. But lately, I find myself questioning what I think I know, she makes sense in what she says... but even if it's all true what good would it do us? "Look, I am tired of hearing about those damned nonsensical books. I don't know where the hell ya gettin' em, but we could both be in some legal trouble if you don't stop flailing them about!" I change the subject and scold her. 

In the end, it's just a cover for my fear and frustration, and she is able to see right through it. 

She places the worn book down on the small side table on the balcony before turning and heading back inside the apartment. I let out a deep sigh and try and keep my gaze down on the traffic. I have always been afraid of breaking my reality, of feeling out of place... I glance up at the book and reach over and grab it, thumbing through the old pages. I guess I'll never know where I truly fit until I question where I am currently placing myself. 

I turn to the first page and begin reading. No turning back now. 

Author's Note

With my writing I am trying to achieve nostalgic atmosphere and detail, please help me know if I have reached these presented standards!

Reviews

[Agyani]

Hi Kyouki
It's a great first story you have presented here at the Cafe. Your writing is pretty good and so is this story. It really helps create characters with more depth and who go through the kind of feelings and emotions people in our everyday lives go through. The characters you created are truly captivating, relatable, and deep. It's always a pleasure to see that in any work. :)
Apart from the characters, I loved the way you began the story. The first paragraph truly shows your writing acumen and beautiful thought process. The combination of these two traits is what makes great writers!

As for your Author's note, I don't really think this story brings out nostalgia. More than that, it brings forth the idea of how things are going bad and we are getting pushed towards a dystopian future. I don't want to label the world's current progression in such a manner, but that's what I felt in your story, which is fine really, for I think the setting of your story is similar to that.
You also asked about detail in your note. I felt you created strong characters and showed good details about their thoughts and feelings, but maybe a little detailing about the scenario and context would help. Like what is the state their world is in? How does the city look from her balcony?

You really have a way with words and put your ideas forward amazingly, even though you didn't do that too much in this story. There were one or two places where the sentences weren't up to the usual high-standards I saw in other parts of the story; just minor punctuation misses or neglections, nothing too major. I'm sure when you give it another read you'll see what I'm talking about.

I'm eager to read your next. Really eager to see how this story develops (if you plan to build on it further), or whatever you pen down next and post here at the Cafe. :D

[IttaKyou]

Thank you, I always am afraid when I do details because I don't want to run on and on. Also I did see some of the lacking sentences you mentioned, I'll do my best to proof read on my next story. This was just an idea that popped to my head and I had to get out quickly. Thanks for the review though!
-Kyou

[Agyani]

I understand that sometimes we feel the need to get an idea out quickly lest we forget it a bit or deviate from the train of thought. But what's important is not just to write it down at once but to keep it aside after writing it for a few days or so and then revisit it. That's when the writers' work starts. People often keep polishing their sentences while they're writing the story, but not everyone goes about it that way. Just make sure to leave a gap of a few days after finishing a piece and then re-read it. You'll make it so much better. Always. And your writing deserves that attention! :D