Letting Go (Chapter Six)

ONCE I GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER, I HEADED TOWARDS MY ROOM. I ignored the stinging in my arms, the blood dripping down from my arm to the floor. It hurt like hell. It really did. I wiped my eyes quickly, and sat down on my bed. Slowly, I looked from corner to corner, staring blankly. "Tanya?" Jack asked, peeking through my window. I watched as the top of his hair peeked through the window as he pulled himself up. I crossed my arms over my chest, still wrapped in the towel. I looked down at the blood drips on the floor. F**k. He's gonna know I cut again. "Oh, hey." He said. He smiled a bit.

I faked a smile back, "Oh..hi," I shifted my arms a bit, keeping my cuts hidden.

Jack hopped through the window, landing on his two feet. He looked at me and smiled a bit. I stared at him. It was hard to believe he was 16, almost 17. He was immature. No wonder we had such a great friend relationship. Yes. Friend. Only friends..

"Something bothering you?" He asked me. I stared at him and shook my head. Jack looked around the room innocently. He stared at the blood drips on the floor that came from the door way. Jack shot a look at me and glared for a moment. "You cut again, didn't you!?" He yelled. I looked down and shook my head. "Don't f*****g lie to me, Tanya." He lowered his voice and pulled my arms out towards him, revealing my cuts to him. He stared at them and looked back up at me.

Tears filled my eyes and I looked away from him, "Jack..." I murmured softly. I turned back to him and he stared at me in shock. I started crying, right in front of him and pulled him towards me, crying on his chest, getting my tears on his shirt. "Jack I'm so sorry!" I cried harder and leaned towards his chest more.

Jack looked at me and pulled away a bit, "D-Don't talk to me..." He said. He looked at me, and I looked at him back, reaching my hands out to him.

"J-Jack you don't...you don't understand..I need you!" I cried harder and covered my face with my hands, shaking my head. Jack sighed and stepped towards me, kissing my head. He looked down at me, rubbing my cheek with his hand softly.

I looked at him, putting my hand over his and rubbing my cheek against his palm more. He pulled his hand away. "Goodbye Tanya..." He whispered. He pulled away completely and started walking outside my door.

"No! No Jack please!" I got up off my bed and walked out the door and down the hall after him. He turned back at me.

"Leave me alone, Tanya! I'm f*****g serious!"

My heart sank in my chest farther. I felt like I was being stabbed right through the chest. I choked up and couldn't talk. It was like the farther and farther Jack walked away from me, the more harder it got for me to breathe. "Jack.." I mumbled softly. I stepped towards him and looked at him, "Please..I love you.." I looked in his eyes over his shoulder and he looked at me back. He put his hand over mine and sighed.

"Tanya, forget about me..Please.." Jack pulled away from me and walked out the front door, leaving my devestated and in the hall way. I sunk down to the floor, my back against the wall. I looked down at my cut marks, remembering I cut Jack's name on my arms. I traced my fingertips along the sides of my open skin, feeling the flesh. I bit my lip, trying to ignore the stinging.

Covering my face, I cried harder. My hair leaned over my shoulders so that it covered the sides of my face. I wiped my eyes, taking deep breathes, trying to calm myself down. I got up, walking back into my room. I got dressed into my sweat pants and my sweat shirt, making sure my sleeves were pulled down as far as they could go. I didn't want anyone else to my cuts, still bloody. I layed down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling.

"So f*****g stupid..." I mumbled to myself. I spread my legs and my arms apart on the bed as far as I could, flickering my eyes from parts of the ceiling to others. I took a deep breath, laying on my side and holding my hands underneath my pillow, ignoring the stinging in my cuts from my sweatshirt rubbing against them.

I closed my eyes, snuggling my cheek against my pillow. "You'll make it through this.." I mumbled to myself. Even though I knew deep down, I wouldn't be able to make it a month without him here, telling me everything would be alright. But I nodded to myself, whimpering softly, and fell asleep slowly.

Author's Note

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