Letting Go (Chapter Five)

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I WATCHED AS JACK DASHED THROUGH THE YARD. I bit my lip, worrying that I'd done something wrong. I looked down at my feet, tears filling in my eyes. The only chance I thought I had with a guy was ruined, and there was nothing I could do to go back and change that. I watched as my tears hit the wooden porch softly, landing here and there, sometimes on the top of my feet. I wiped my eyes and walked inside, running into the kitchen.

"F**k up. You stupid f*****g f**k up!" I cried to myself. I opened the drawer with the knives in it, lifting the sleeves of my shirt, showing the cuts I had only a few days before. They stung bad. When I cut that day, I cut too deep and now they burned whenever something just lightly touched them. I stroked my fingertips against the cut marks softly. Tears fell down my face, and I grabbed one of the steak knives and took off running upstairs.

I ran into the bathroom, the only bathroom with a shower in it, and walked in, closing the door. I locked it and slammed my back up against the door. "You're so stupid," I mumbled to myself, crying harder. I snuck down to the floor, sitting down, covering my face and crying harder. "You-You messed up your only chance with your best friend! What the hell you dumb piece of s**t!" I grabbed the knife, cutting over another cut, making it deeper. I cried harder and cried out in pain softly. I watched as blood trickled down my arm, still blurred from the tears filling my eyes.

Slowly, I got up, putting the knife on the counter against the stoop of the sink. I cried a bit more, and wiped my tears away fast. I stripped myself down, turning the water on. I put my hand under the running water in the shower, and practically burned my hand. Biting my lip, I pulled my hand away and grabbed the knife again. I sighed and got down in under the water. The burning water hit my cuts and I wanted to scream out in pain. But I just bit my lip and watched as blood washed from my arm to the drain of the shower, disappearing like it was nothing. Just like I was.

I tightened my grip onto the knifes handle and put the point up to my arm, a place where I hadn't cut just yet, and streaked the tip of the knife across it, breaking the skin. Blood popped up, dribble by dribble, and I streaked over the cut again, making it deeper. Tears fell down my face, and some of them fell on the cuts I had made, making them sting more. Biting my lip, I leaned my head back into the water, letting the water hit me and run down my entire body to the cuts. I wanted to cry out. So f*****g bad, I wanted to scream and let all my sadness out. But I bit my lip, just like I was before, and ran the knife across more cuts.

The water hit them. Almost so violently that it felt like my arms were burning. Maybe there were since the water was so hot, I don't know. I really didn't care. I just wanted it to burn, put me in pain. Slowly, I pushed the knife into one of the cuts I just made, making it deeper. I bit my lip harder, and looked at my arm. "JACK" it said, in straggily, pointy letters. I smiled to myself, and slowly, fell down on my back against the faucet, letting the water burn on to my body.

Author's Note

I know this is like.. <.< emo-ish o.e lol xD It's really immature of me to be writing about cutting, and putting detail into it. But hey o3o Detail makes things better..sometimes.. xD But tell me what you think, please :3