Letting Go (Chapter Three)

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WHEN I WOKE UP IT WAS STILL DARK OUT. "Good," I whispered to myself. I looked over at Jack, who was sound asleep on the side of the bed he was sleeping on. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, rubbing his cheek gently. "Love ya," I whispered, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. He grinned in his sleep, kicking his legs a few times. I smiled and opened his window silently. I grabbed onto the top of the window, kicking my legs out. I let go and dropped down on the ground.

Slowly, I made my way across the side of the house and into the front yard. The sun was just rising; I could tell because the sky was a little pink. I jogged off the lawn calmly and started walking down the sidewalk.

My legs were numb, still a little wobbily from the night before. They cried out for me to sit down and relax, but I needed to get my a*s home before my dad woke up; before he realized I was gone for the night. But, even though I wanted to be home quickly, I was glad that the walk would be a bit long. It'd give me some time to think.

What were these feelings I felt for Jack? That pounding in my heart when he stepped close to me, the heat in my cheeks when he kissed me or hugged me? I mean, I know what a "crush" is, I've had tons of them before; but could it even be possible for a girl to fall in love with her best friend? Even when she knew that he'd never like her back?

I know Jack told me he loved me; but it's never crossed my mind that he meant that type of love. Like, who would like a girl that cuts herself? Or a girl that has thoughts of suicide? A girl that doesn't understand herself, and yet no one else understands her either? A girl that stares at herself in the mirror, fakes a smile, and tries making through the day without breaking into tears in front of everybody? I mean, is that even possible?

I guess it could be. Maybe. I don't know. I've always liked the guys that loved to show their muscles to all the girls. Flash their kanine teeth to the ladies and make their hearts stop beating for a second. But Jack was nothing like that. He didn't like showing off. He liked being himself instead of some fake b*****d that tries scoring every night because his dad was a man w***e and he doesn't know any different from Point A and Point B.

Jack's dad was the same way. Well, his biological dad. His step dad, the one Jack's mom is with now, is nothing like that. To be honest, Blake's a total nerd. He'll sit on the couch once he comes to visit Angeline and read or watch the Science channel for about half an hour. Then Angeline will have dinner ready, and he'll get off the couch, kiss her, and sit down with her, and/or Jack if Jack decided to even show his face at the table. Once dinner's over, Blake and Angeline will go into Angeline's room, with two seperate twin size beds, kiss and say goodnight, and out with the lights.

I didn't know if they've ever done anything else. To be honest I didn't want to know.

But could it be possible? Could I be in love with my best friend that I've known since I was 6? The best friend that's always been there for me when I needed him? The only guy-never less person-who's ever let me know that I was loved? That I wasn't just a blankness in the back of the room that no one even realizes is there? The only person that can make me have a real smile on my face?

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. Looking up, I realized I had passed my own house because I was too deep in love to realize where I was going.

Author's Note

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