Letting Go (Chapter One)

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"AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" He asked. I stopped mid-step towards the door. I felt his eyes in me; burning a hole in my back side. I felt the anger in his voice, and I knew if I said anything that might offend him, he'd kill me. I looked down at my hightops and pulled my hood over my long blonde hair, held into a tight side braid. I stayed silent, and slowly turned my head towards him. His stare made my heart stop beating, almost like he was a demon. He never acted like this...

I shook my head and turned back around, walking out the door. I crossed my arms over my chest and started walking down the street. It had rained a few hours ago, and the ground was still moist from it. I stepped in a puddle, getting water up to my ankles on my jeans. But I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from him. Before..Before something I didn't want to happen happened. I kept walking and held my tears back. "Don't cry you big baby," I murmured to myself. "You're a big girl. You don't 'cry'." I closed my eyes tighter, reaching my hands into my black jacket pockets.

How can he just act like nothing happened? This fight was worse than the others. He had pinned me down on the bed, screaming at me. He slapped me so hard my face started bleeding. My little sister cried out to him, begging him to stop as tears ran down her cheeks. I had growled and called him a b*****d, told him I hoped he burned in hell. I didn't-

I felt a crumpled note in my pocket from school. Slowly, I sat down on the curb of the sidewalk. I'd walked far enough for him not to want to chase after me. I pulled the note out of my pocket. I unfolded the creased page of the note and read over it. "Dear Tanya, I know it's hard. Believe me, it's hard where I am too. But don't do anything stupid. You're my best friend and I need you. I love you, bub. I don't know where I'd be now without you. Love Your Friend, Jack."

I traced my fingers along the smeared pencil marks of Jack's hand writing. His hand writing wasn't sloppy. More neat than anything. It looked like Emily Blackwell's hand writing to be honest. I put my head on my knees and let tears fall down my face. No matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to hold my tears in after reading that. I cried harder, but silent, and whimpered softly to myself.

"Hey," I heard Jack say softly. I looked up at him and wiped my tears away quickly, hoping he hadn't seen me cry. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I blushed some, feeling his muscle against my shoulder blades. "Are you okay?"

"J-Just fine," I said quietly. I wiped my cheek, hoping he hadn't seen the blood that was on it. Hopefully, my tears had washed the blood off my face. I didn't want Jack worrying about me.

Jack grinned some and squeezed my shoulder. "You don't look like it." He said. He pulled me close to his chest and wrapped his other arm around me. I put my hands on his chest and closed my eyes. I never liked Jack in that type of way, but sometimes I really did wonder.

"I-I am," I stuttered, whimpering again. He leaned down and kissed my head.

"You don't need to worry, I'm here now." He said. I couldn't help but smile when he said that.

"Why do you even wanna be here? For a girl like me. A f**k up. Why? I'm so messed up, Jack. And no matter what I do, you've always been here for me." I pulled at my sleeves on my jacket, trying to hide my latest cut marks along my arms.

Jack laughed some, "You don't think I am too? Tanya, you need someone to let you know you're beautiful. To let you know you're not just another girl sitting in the back of the room because no one understands her. Because you are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you different. Just because you're not the same thing everyone see's over and over again when they look from girl to girl doesn't mean you're a f**k up. It means you're unique in the most best way imaginable."

I looked up at him, "I'm not beautiful..."

"And who says so?" Jack asked.

"I do. Cause I'm not. Everyday I look in the mirror, I put my makeup on and stare at myself. I get all my sadness out while I'm in the shower, just so that people can't tell I cry when the water hits my cuts, Jack. I let all my anger out then, and then I put a fake smile on and wear it all day to hide my hurt from everyone. And no one even cares..."

Jack looked at me, "If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here right now."

I sighed, "No one else does, though. You're the only person that loves me."

He sighed too, taking a deep breath. He pulled me close to him again, giving me a tight bear hug. I hugged him back, holding back more tears. "If you need me, I'll leave my window open. Ya know, if you're dad starts yelling at you. I'll be here for you if you need me."

I nodded some. "Thanks Jack." I kissed his cheek.

Jack smiled, "I love you, Taynie."

I smiled back a bit, "Love you too."

Author's Note

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