Letting Go (Chapter Thirteen)

WHEN I WOKE UP TYLER WAS AT THE FOOT OF MY BED. He looked up at me and smiled softly, reaching up and grabbing my hand. He rubbed my hand with his thumb, "Hey beautiful," He reached his other hand up and put a few strands of my hair behind my ear. I smiled and squeezed his hand softly.

"Mmm..hi.." I mumbled, still half awake and half asleep. I closed my eyes again slowly, rubbing his palm with my fingertips. Tyler smiled and crawled up into bed next to me, wrapping his arm around me, and pulling me towards him.

"Your nap wasn't that long," Tyler said softly. I snuggled close to his chest, whimpering to myself softly. He wrapped his arms around me tighter, pulling me closer. I put my hands on each side of his chest and whimpered to myself again. "If you're still tired you can sleep more, love." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

I snuggled closer to him, "Okay," I said, almost so quiet it was like a whisper. Tyler smiled to himself, resting his chin on the top of my head, closing his eyes. I felt him breathing against my hair, and heard his heart thumping in his chest softly, getting slower and slower the more relaxed and closer to sleep he was.

"I love you..." Tyler whispered, so faintly I felt like I couldn't hear him. But I understood every word he was saying.

"I love you, too." I whispered. I felt Tyler's hear beat a little faster, then slowed down again. I sniffed and closed my eyes again, and fell asleep softly with Tyler holding me against him, almost so close it was like we were the same person.

 

When I came downstairs, Dad was in the kitchen tooling around with the food we had in the kitchen. He looked up at me. "Haha, hey sleepy." He came up to me, wiping his hands on his jeans as he walked, and patted my back, right on my shoulder blade. I flung forward, but kept my balance. Dad was alot more stronger than he thought he was, and when he patted you softly, it was like he was trying to push you down on the ground.

I smiled at him a bit, "Hi daddy." I said softly, rubbing my eyes. I got up on the bar stool we had pushed up against the counter and watched him as he walked back to the counter and tooled with the knife and the food he had in front of him. I couldn't tell exactly what he was trying to do, or what he was even working on; all I knew right now was that it was some type of meat. "What you makin', dad?" I asked, looking up at him, my arms crossed under my breasts as I leaned against the counter.

"I'm tryna cook dinner," Dad replied, slamming the knife down on what he was making just so that it was exactly cut in half. I looked at it.

"Hey, that's pretty good cutting skill you got." I said.

Dad looked up at me and smiled a bit, "That's why I've been tooling around with it for a bit," He responded, looking down at it on the cutting board. He started cutting it into smaller chunks and looked at me. "Chicken's okay with you, right?"

I nodded a bit and smiled softly, "Yeah..Yeah that's just fine with me." I responded.

I watched him for a bit as he cut the chicken more and put it in the pot that was over the burner. The burner was already on high, and the water was already boiling too. "So how have you been? Everything good between you and Tyler agian?" Dad asked, looking at me.

I looked at him back, "I dunno...I feel like- I feel like I should take a break with Tyler for right now...I met this boy named Kerin. And he's so sweet. And then Jack...It's so much stress it's like I can't handle it.." I looked down at my hands, then back up at Dad.

"Do what you think is best," Dad said, looking at me. "It'll all work out."

I nodded, sighing a bit and walked upstairs. When I got up to my room I slowly lifted my pillow up and took a long, sharp knife from undernreath it. I twirled the knife around in my hand abit, sitting down on the floor so that my back was against the side of the bed. Tyler let while I was sleeping. Must've had to do something.

I sighed and covered my face, still holding the knife in my hand, holding the point away from me. I loved Tyler. I loved Jack. And I loved Kerin. I loved all three of them god d****t. But, I didn't wanna hurt either of them. Obviously Jack didn't just a f**k about me, but Kerin and Tyler..

I gripped the knife's handle tighter. I didn't wanna hurt Kerin in I went with Tyler. Kerin told me he liked me alot..and then if I tell him I got back with Tyler..he'll be so heart broke..but..if I got with Kerin, Tyler's gonna be sad too because he loved me and came back for me when he realized that he still did.

And Jack...Jack was so amazing. And he was there for me when I needed him, unlike Tyler was. But I didn't even know Kerin when I was 12..he couldn't have been there for me..and if he could he probably would've; I'm sure if people actually loved me-like they say they did-they would've been there for me, too.

I pulled the knife back down against my lap, the point facing my stomach. I closed my eyes tight, twirling the knife in my hand. Dad told me to do what I thought was best. Well..what if..what if what I thought was best was killing myself? What if what I thought was best was letting go?

I pushed the point of the knife to my stomach, just lightly, barely breaking the skin. I bit my lip and closed my eyes tighter, leaning my head back. I pushed the knife more, pushing it in my stomach deeper. I felt blood soak through my shirt, making a red circle on the center of my stomach. I gasped a bit and pushed the knife in farther, and farther, until all I saw was black.

Author's Note

Please, tell me what you think :D